Saturday, April 11, 2009

Making A Way

Every holiday or special day since we started our adoption has been bitter sweet.

The first "special day" I remember, after we had completed our homestudy and we were "officially" done with the paper work, was Mother's Day. I remember sitting in our church service that Sunday thinking "what an amazing Mother's Day present, to get chosen by a birthmom." Didnt happen :(

I remember on Father's Day, thinking the same for Jason..."what an amazing Father's Day present." Didnt happen :(

Then birthdays in August and September...."oh what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(

November....Adoption Month..."what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(

Thanksgiving and Christmas...."please Lord give us the most amazing gift and let us get chosen by a birthmom so we can bring our baby home." Didnt happen :(

Mine and Jason's 7yr Anniversary...."Please Jesus....this would be the best anniversary present ever!" Didnt happen :(

February...."marks one year of our homestudy being complete, what an amazing gift...Please Lord." Didnt happen :(

April..."Lord, what an amazing Easter Present...if we were chosen by a birthmom."

And right here at my kitchen table as I begged that of Jesus...he reminded me that HE IS ENOUGH....HE is my Savior...HE ROSE AGAIN...AND He is my PORTION!!!

His timing is perfect and planned out! He rose 3 days after he hung on a cross for ME...I think he has this covered...and he WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!!

I love you Jesus. I am confused and frustrated but I have chosen JOY in this time of suffering.
For I know what I am going through here on this earth is nothing compared to what you did for me on the cross. You oh Lord, will make a way...when there seems to be no way.

1 comment:

Molly said...

I know that constant emotional and spiritual struggle inside between wanting something so bad that it consumes your thoughts and at the same time knowing that God has this. It's such a roller coaster isn't it?

I am praying for you and asking for God to keep reminding you of His great love and that He wants nothing more than to give you your hearts desire.