Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I quit...just for 5 minutes

Yesterday I was driving around town...killing time before I picked our puppy up from the that place :)

I had a brief 5 minutes where I just QUIT...quit the whole waiting time...quit praying...quit being patient...quit waiting...QUIT!!! If Jackson hadn't of been in the car I might have yelled out..."I QUIT...and I MEAN IT...I QUIT." But since I already freak my child out by my randomness I thought I would keep my thoughts and QUITTING to myself.

It was if the moment I QUIT...Jesus said...well I don't so it looks like you're in luck! He covered me in HIS promises of how HE NEVER QUITS...Love that guy :)

I think its okay to want to quit sometimes because it reminds us of how much we need Jesus...NEED HIM to keep us going. And then sometimes I think he is begging us to QUIT so he can finally take over!

I must confess...I am a CONTROL FREAK...I think he is telling me QUIT controlling but KEEP following and trusting!

So today I am going to FOLLOW...even if I feel like quitting!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Refine Me as I Pursue You...

This is my prayer! That the Lord of all creation would REFINE me as I PURSUE Him. I don't want to be the same as when we started this journey. I want my life, my purpose, my desires, my be more clear and completely connected with Jesus. I want him to mold me into the woman that he has created me to be. I want to love deeper and live more passionately.

Adoption does crazy things to your soul. I didn't think it would break and tear down as much as it has. Some of things I have had to say YES to or NO to...have been painful...but I am simply trusting that God has HIS best interest in mind.


I love you Jesus!

Sunday, January 11, 2009


I am tired! Tired of the wait! Tired of not knowing if we will have a little girl or boy...Im NESTING and I NEED TO DECORATE...but I gotta wait...and I am tired!

Sorry I just gotta be honest! Its so hard waiting...I mean I see that precious baby in my thoughts and I am so ready for it to be a reality! I want to touch those cute cheeks and kiss those sweet toes! Im never gonna stop kissing this child...even when they are 30 I might still be kissing toes (I will be a weird mom)!!!

The nesting has taken over my family and I think my sweet hubby is getting tired of me nesting! He has moved EVERY piece of furniture this week...I gotta get the house READY!!!! He is such a trooper.

Life is so good the way it is right now...but we all feel like something is MISSING!!! We are tired...we are ready!!!!

Lord your timing is perfect! Even though I am TIRED I know you will continue to give me the strength to WAIT on you...Im waiting...come to our rescue!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Full Circle Moment

This morning I got up and was determined I would NOT leave my house until I had read my bible and studied God's Word. So I sat down and read through my scriptures for the day and also my devotional...this might seem as if its a chore for me to read my bible...its not a chore...but I have to be really intentional about it or it wont happen.

Gods word spoke so clearly and sweetly to my soul...all day my heart has been overwhelmed with his timing of scripture. The scripture was James 1:1-27 (go check it out) .

There were two parts that jumped right off the pages...the first was James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father." And the second was James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

I just love both of these verses and both have been a cornerstone to me getting through this adoption. I praised the Lord for his perfect timing of reminding me of what HIS word PROMISES.

So tonight I was cleaning out Jackson's school folder and I got his "Class Gram" letting me know what he would be learning this week at school. And HOLY COW...his memory verse is James 1:17...YES LORD...EVERY GOOD AND PERFECT GIFT DOES COME FROM YOU!!!!!

So I freaked out...told Jason all about the scriptures from earlier in the day...cried and used a kitchen towel to wipe my eyes...and snot...and just REJOICED that God loves me so much! He is using my child's school to confirm what I am studying at home and I praise HIM FOR THAT!

I want Jackson to know that he is a gift from the Lord and that baby Natalie or Nathan will be a gift from the Lord. I am so thrilled to have our family grow through adoption. I love my babies and I am so ready to see their sweet face...I will be taking sign ups for everyone in America to come by and get a glance.

Praise you Lord for your DOES NOT return VOID...but only FILLS our SOUL to WORSHIP YOU...Oh how I love you...Christ in me, Christ in me, the HOPE of are my EVERYTHING!!!!