Monday, October 27, 2008
Please pray that the cluster headaches DON'T come back....they can be reoccurring. Also, please keep praying for the strength to continue on this adoption journey. It is emotionally draining...I need an extra dose of Gods grace, mercy, and strength!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Last Thursday I began having really bad headaches that continued until Monday morning and I couldn't take it anymore so Jason took me to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed me with Cluster Headaches. Its a severe debilitating headache behind my eye and temple and the pain shoots down into my neck and shoulder. They did blood work on Tuesday and an MRI on Wednesday. We have been trying to find something that would relieve the pressure and pain and I think, after 4 different meds, that we have finally found something...but its been a whole week with severe blinding pain. We hope to get the results back from the blood work and MRI on Monday. These cluster headaches are worse then anything I have ever experienced. Please be praying that we get good results on Monday, that the meds will continue to work, and that my blurry vision in my right eye would clear up! My mom flew here and is helping Jason with Jackson, please pray for Jason as he is doing all of the jobs I normally do along with everything else he has on his plate.
Also, please continue to pray for the adoption. God is so amazing at his timing and we are trusting in HIS amazing truths! God's been teaching me this last week, while I have been laying on my back, about how faithful he is! I want to share some of those things but that will have to be another post!!!
By the way...the best thing that happened this week is that my blog got a NEW LOOK!!! I love it!
Love you all
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
(I took this picture the other day in Kohl's...baby fever!)
When we first started our adoption journey we wanted a little boy and we were going to name him Nathan. But we quickly realized with our agency that we couldn't pick the gender of our child, we couldn't specify a boy or a girl. At first I was so upset and confused because I really thought we were being called to bring another little boy into our family through adoption. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, reading a letter from New Life, informing me that we couldn't pick the gender of our child. Floods of emotions ran over me.
"Okay God, I thought you wanted us to adopt a boy...and I know you want us to use New Life...so WHATS UP." I threw myself a quick pitty party and then just sat there with my head on the table...what was the Lord up to??
Here is where the lesson has been learned. God KNEW that Jackson Gray Gerdes was going to be born to US...Jason and Lindsey. He knew that before Jason and I even conceived that little bundle of joy. We didn't care if we had a boy or girl, we just wanted a HEALTHY, sleep through night, loves people, full of joy, world changer BABY!!! And praise you LORD...even though he is only 4, he changes my world every day and brings JOY to people. God knew.
So with our adoption underway I am trusting, knowing that God still KNOWS!!! Its weird going to Target or cute baby boutiques and really wanting to buy baby stuff and not knowing if I should buy girl or boy clothes. I bet God gets a kick out of me in those stores...."Linds, I know what you will hold." Makes me want to shout for JOY (side note: God if you could just give us a glimpse of what is ours or should I say YOURS).
There aren't any FOR sures when having children biologically or adopting. I couldn't PICK what gender I was going to have...God chose Jackson to be in our family. Just as he has chosen our next baby. Jackson FITS us in every way. I know Nathan and Natalie will FIT as well.
Lord, I Love you! I praise you for adoption. Its such a glorious mystery yet you have it planned out...detail by detail! I am sure you have color coded the WHOLE thing (for those of you who don't know I am an organizational freak). Thank you for being my adoption planner, thank you that I really don't have to wonder...you have it all under control. You know if we will have a NATHAN or a NATALIE...or BOTH (I mean really at this point...go ahead...give us 2). I LOVE YOU! I mean I really love you! Thank you Jesus! Oh yeah by the way...if you give us 2 will you give us a Nanny as well :)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
August 2005: We weren't sure if we were going to do international or domestic. International adoption has always been what I thought we would do. But then one day I came home from a meeting and Jason was sitting at the computer, he had been researching adoption, he said "What do you think about adopting from America and adopting either a bi-racial or African American child." I thought about if for a brief moment and said "YES." We started researching adoption agencies at that moment! Through research we did research international adoption...we still feel called to adopt internationally at some point but know for right now we need to focus on domestic adoption.
Okay so this is where is gets blurry,
from August 2005-August 2007: We were with two different agencies and things just didn't feel right. I cant really explain the the uneasiness but we both knew God had something else.
Finally in September 2007: God opened our eyes to NEW LIFE ADOPTION AGENCY!!!! It was amazing how it happened. We were telling our Pastor that we were really having a hard time find an adoption agency that we felt secure with and passionate about. He told us about New Life, he actually grew up at the church that started New Life. So we gave them a call and they sent us a packet.
October 26th and 27th, 2007: Our wonderful friends put on a Adoption Garage Sale...and we raised $2,700, I was so amazed!
November 29th, 2007: Had our first meeting with New Life. It was amazing! We fell in love with Cindy and she gave us so much encouragement! AND SO MUCH PAPER WORK!!!
January 2008: We went back to New Life for another meeting. This time we met with Sara Black, the director of New Life. This meeting was mainly for Sara to ask us EVERY question you could possibly think of. The women of New Life really get to know the adoptive family, we love this about them.
February 13th, 2008: We completed our Home Study. Sara drove to Corpus and spent some time with Jackson and also spent time looking around our home. I was so nervous...I mean I was freaking out on the inside. But it went great! Our family LOVES Sara and Cindy! These women have really been amazing...its worth using New Life just to get to know them. They are incredible women who love Jesus, love birth moms, love babies, and love adoptive families...and they both have adopted so THEY GET IT!!!!
From January 20078- March 2008: We were doing LOTS of paper work, having our house inspected, reading lots of books and doing reports, getting check ups from our doctor, TB test, working on our profile, and working on picture pages of ourselves for our birth mom to look at. And PRAYING!!!! (still doing that)
May 3rd, 2008: Adoption Training at New Life
August 21st, 2008: We had another visit by Sara Black. Every 6 months until the adoption in finalized our agency comes for a visit!
September 2008 and October 2008: Waiting!!!! But God is at work and he is bringing people into my "world" with a passion for adoption. The people I am getting to connect with are amazing and its really helping during this time of waiting!!!
*I am going to look through my calendar and make sure I didn't forget anything!!!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Okay so I emailed our adoption agency last week and said "UH why isn't this happening faster." Our wonderful adoption director, Cindy, asked if she could give my email address to another family that has recently adopted from New Life...so the wife could encourage me. Obviously I said YES.
I received an email from Heather, the encourager, just several days later. It was so nice to have someone "get" my feelings and not think I am totally crazy. Adoption is hard and it hurts! Its like nothing I have ever experienced. In our case its been SLOW.
But something I have been reminded of over the last several days....from Jason, Heather, and my wonderful BIBLE (oh yes this is the book for me) is that God IS working! We don't always see it but he IS working! I can rest in HIM knowing that he has EVERYTHING under his wings! I CAN have faith in the unseen and I don't have to fear the unknown.
I wonder what he is getting us prepared for? I wonder what its going to be like that precious day we hold our CHOSEN treasure.
God is working in me. God is working in Jason. God is working in our marriage. God is working in our family. God is working in our ministry. God is working in US so he can do something through US. He is working...and I trust he is working on bringing our child or children home to us (SOON???).
Several scriptures that I read today were specifically written for me to read at this very moment in time:
Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."
John 15:4-5 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."
I am going to REMAIN in HIM and know he will bear fruit in my life...I just have to REMAIN in him...the REWARD will come...I must REMAIN to RECEIVE my REWARD!!!
I praise you Jesus, I praise you that you desire for me to produce fruit. I will remain in you...all the reward I need is to know you love me but I know you have promised EVEN more! I wait upon the fruit, the reward! I give you glory in advance...for this fruit that you will produce...OH ITS YOURS!!! Thank you for being my resting place. Thank you for being SO ON TIME!!! Thank you for working even though I can't see! I trust you Jesus!