Monday, April 27, 2009

Precious Love

Sweet Love,
I was just sitting here reading over all my posts about YOU. I cant wait to hold you in my arms one day and read each and every post to you...child you have been prayed for and longed for.

You have taught me more about myself then I ever could have imagined. I am still learning...I'm not the perfect mommy...but I know one thing...YOU NEVER HAVE TO WONDER IF WE LOVE YOU!!! You were meant for our family.

I love Jesus more....and that sweet priceless!!! This journey has lead me to PURSUE him like crazy and he is REFINING me like crazy!!! I'm ready for you to come home. Your daddy is ready to see your face...he told me tonight that he just cant wait to kiss you!

I love you sweet, precious, chosen child! You have been created with a purpose and one day we will all understand why the wait has been so long. You are our chosen treasure.

I love you baby,

Like I Friends are amazing!!!!

After I wrote my last post, I txted a couple of my peeps to let them know that I had written about them on my blog!! Well my BFF (can you tell I work in student ministry) txted me back and said "thanks for the shout out on your blog...I wrote a prayer for you this morning on a paver for the prayer garden." ***My BFF also works in student ministry....can you tell...we try to use the "cool" lingo...but I can honestly say...I don't feel any cooler :)

Our church is making a a prayer garden, it looks amazing! They have asked everyone in our church to write prayers on the back of the pavers and then they will permanently lay down all the pavers in the prayer garden!!! How cool!

As soon as she txted me that, I told her I wanted a picture. So when she got back from her BIRTHDAY LUNCH we walked over to the front of the building so I could take a picture.

It says "Gerdes adoption....that their baby comes soon...this week"

I also wanted to post a picture of our changing table that Mimi bought us....and also the gifts that Mel and Jess gave me!!!!

The journey is just easier when you have people to DO LIFE WITH!!! And when you have a cute 5 year old who reminds you how much work children take :)

Friends on the ROAD TRIP!

Okay so if you are gonna adopt....and get on this adoption ROAD TRIP...then you MUST have some supportive friends who DON'T think you are crazy. Well, actually they might THINK you are crazy but they just LOVE you anyways. That's a good friend!

A ROAD TRIP just isn't fun by your self. You need YOUR people to be the VAN...on the journey with you. And wow, I have some of the MOST amazing friends. I am going to try to recap on a couple of them and allow you to see what they have done for me. If you know someone who is adopting then I will give you some tangible things to do for your ROAD TRIP CAPTAIN.

My Husband: prays over me almost nightly for our adoption. His prayers are so sweet and tender! His heart BREAKS over our baby and birthmom and his prayers totally illuminate his heart.

Amy Payne: Oh my goodness....she loves our baby! She has loved our baby since the day I told her we were adopting. She keeps me calm but then at the same time her desire for this precious love to come home soon is priceless. She has helped me in the nursery and now she is just waiting to finish the nursery!!!
Mel Mac: Her txts messages along this road trip are wonderful. Just the other day she txted me to let me know her heart was HEAVY for us and our baby. And she gave me a gift the other day...just in case we got the call. It was diapers, wipes, socks, onesies, and pacifiers. Also, her husband prayed the most amazing prayer a couple of weeks ago at band practice. These two simply help this ROAD TRIP be a little more FUN!
BAF Staff girls and Pastors Wives: These people have been such an encouragement. Most of these women I have been friends with for the past 6 years and they LOVE our family and we LOVE their families. Last week they all prayed over me at our Women in Ministry breakfast and that was such a sweet time. Each prayer they prayed was priceless and just a little more fuel to keep me going. Our Pastors Wives @ BAF are like sisters to me. God has used them in ways that blow my socks off. Anytime I am down or discouraged out of the blue one of them call or txt me an amazing verse or just some words of encouragement. They have stood by me during this time and given me strength when I just wanted to quit. Jess, Ames, Terri, Daph, Les, Lace and April....thank you!!! Thank you for being YOU and loving ME! This ROAD TRIP has been sweeter since you are all traveling with me!

And my mom and dad: Priceless people! If you don't know my parents then you must! They are the most amazing people and the most amazing grandparents. This sweet love has NO IDEA what they are being placed in...they can call weekly and let them know what they want from Target and GG is gonna find a way to get to Corpus!!!!! And my dad well he is a sucker for his grandbabies!!! Just wait....I cant wait to see these two with Nathan and/or Natalie!

Okay so by now you realize that we are all taking this ROAD TRIP in a very LARGE VAN....but I gotta have my peeps in order to survive! Not to mention the wonderful people that I have met along this journey....Molly, Heather, Cindy and Sarah help me understand adoption on the other end of the wait.

Thank you for being on this Road Trip with our family!!!! We hope we have provided you with entertainment over these last 14 months....we hope you haven't been bored!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Jesus PLEASE...

...bring a birthmom to New Life! My soul is so weary and I am so ready to love on the child you have chosen for us. We are waiting Lord...waiting ON YOU!!!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Jason's View

Well hello, this is Jason Gerdes, the proud husband of Lindsey, father of Jackson, and hopeful future father of Nathan/Natalie. Lindsey asked me to write about the adoption to get a different perspective since so many of these blogs are written from the mother's perspective. I told her that us guys are not as expressive so we are behind the scenes loving all of you
wonderful mothers out there. OK, there is my opening paragraph so let's get into my thoughts.

1. The biggest surprise I have had in this process is learning how to re-love my wife. My relationship with Lindsey has always been a very fruitful one but it is always been based on me caring for her needs and making sure that she has what she needs to follow Christ and be happy. But this process of adoption is not about me and my abilities, it is about God and what He is doing so I have had to assume a different role. Now I cannot "FIX" this for Lindsey so I feel helpless. I actually have to cry with Lindsey, mourn, laugh, walk around anxiously, pray with earnest, and WAIT. This is hard for us men to do but it is good.

2. I have learned that God is God and I am not. This goes along with the first one and me learning my place in the world and in this family. I am not the HEAD of this family, JESUS IS. I am called to submit to Christ and follow Him and then to lead my family to Him. This has been a frustrating but very rewarding journey of discovery. I am not responsible for making this happen, He is. It is not on me to line up the details, it is on HIM. My role is to be so close to Him that I can sense what He is doing and then lead my family in that direction. This is great news for me because I tend to make a lousy God.

3. Adoption is something that we ALL should be involved in. I used to think that adoption was something that people did when they could not have kids "of their OWN". But what I have realized is that none of my kids are MY OWN, they are all God's and are a gift from him. And if I really believe that then I will do whatever I can to make sure that ALL of God's children are taken care of not just "Mine". I have told Linds on several occasions that this is only the beginning of our life with adoption, we will be a part of this for the rest of our life in some form, whether that is leading an orphanage, leading a church that has an orphanage, turning our house into one or what I am not sure. All I know is that this is what ALL Christians should be doing since this is what Christ did for us.

This has been an amazing/very hard process but I would not change it to this point. Now having said that God please bring your baby to us SOON.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

A New Puppy

Our family was out running errands on Saturday and there was a family selling Boxer Puppies in the Chick Fil A parking lot. WE LOVE BOXERS...we had the sweetest Boxer named Dazie. Sweet Dazie was mine and Jason's first baby. She was PRECIOUS! When Jackson was 1 Dazie got ran over, right in front of us and we lost our sweet girl.

So anytime we see Boxers we MISS Dazie and consider getting another one. But whew...Boxers are A LOT OF WORK and I just don't think we have the time or space to put into one of those crazy, energized dogs.

But after seeing those pups Jacks BEGGED all day for us to get a Boxer. I finally told him that if we get another puppy then we will adopt a puppy. And his answer was "UHHHH Mom adoption takes TOOOO LONG."

Oh Jacks, I know baby! I agree...adoption does take TOOO LONG!!!! But sweet will be worth it.

Friday, April 17, 2009

14 months

Who would have thought that we would wait for a baby for 14months! Not me! I thought 6-9months at the most...but we are into our 14month. And we are still waiting.

And I am okay with that. Although sometimes I don't "hear" what I want to "hear" or I don't "feel" what I want to "feel". I know HE is STILL teaching and still touching my heart for adoption.

Jason told me today...God is getting ready to give us a HUGE blessing! And I totally agree. Maybe even two babies!!! How great would that be!

So yes...14 months...and still counting! But 14 months and still priceless. And one day when I hold that sweet baby it will be WORTH IT.

By the way...check back soon because Jason is going to do a special post, from the dad's point of view on adoption. Get the word out to your blogging adoption buddies!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Making A Way

Every holiday or special day since we started our adoption has been bitter sweet.

The first "special day" I remember, after we had completed our homestudy and we were "officially" done with the paper work, was Mother's Day. I remember sitting in our church service that Sunday thinking "what an amazing Mother's Day present, to get chosen by a birthmom." Didnt happen :(

I remember on Father's Day, thinking the same for Jason..."what an amazing Father's Day present." Didnt happen :(

Then birthdays in August and September...."oh what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(

November....Adoption Month..."what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(

Thanksgiving and Christmas...."please Lord give us the most amazing gift and let us get chosen by a birthmom so we can bring our baby home." Didnt happen :(

Mine and Jason's 7yr Anniversary...."Please Jesus....this would be the best anniversary present ever!" Didnt happen :(

February...."marks one year of our homestudy being complete, what an amazing gift...Please Lord." Didnt happen :(

April..."Lord, what an amazing Easter Present...if we were chosen by a birthmom."

And right here at my kitchen table as I begged that of Jesus...he reminded me that HE IS ENOUGH....HE is my Savior...HE ROSE AGAIN...AND He is my PORTION!!!

His timing is perfect and planned out! He rose 3 days after he hung on a cross for ME...I think he has this covered...and he WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!!

I love you Jesus. I am confused and frustrated but I have chosen JOY in this time of suffering.
For I know what I am going through here on this earth is nothing compared to what you did for me on the cross. You oh Lord, will make a way...when there seems to be no way.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Protecting His Mom

Look at how I found Jackson last night....

Jason is out of town, California again, so its just me and Jacks!!! So Jacks is sleeping with his light saber to protect his mom!!!

I am so crazy about this little boy.

Even though he has been in all day preK this year, I am already dreading kindergarten. I'm so sad that he is actually starting REAL school. I told my BFF today that it even made me want to homeschool him just so he wouldn't leave....she totally looked at me like I was crazy. She knows me way to well and knows my child way to well.

Speaking of school...I gotta go pick up my little bundle of love!!!

Monday, April 6, 2009

If We got the call today...

...then I would first ask Sara or Cindy if they were serious...if they were serious then I would feel my heart jumping out of my chest!!!

I would then call my mom and dad and share the news, then I would call the list of faithful friends and family...Ive already told them that they will NOT find out about us being chosen by a birth mom via email, txt, or facebook!

Then depending upon how far a long our birth mom is and/or if we know the sex of the baby...I would start getting prepared to bring our little bundle of love HOME!!!

I would feel motivated to get the nursery done and I would buy a cute, adorable baby sling (in fact I might do that before we even get the call).

I would honestly be a basket case...but a JOYFUL excited basket case!!! I might even wear a t-shirt around town that says...I am pregnant and due in _____ months! What if it only was two months until our birth mom was due and I am walking around town with a t-shirt that says "I am pregnant and due in 2 months." People would think I was the smallest pregnant lady ever...I was FAT with Jacks so I deserve to feel skinny and pregnant!

I would go get Jackson out of school early to tell him the news! And I would make sure that we video taped it! I want to capture his response.

I would cry, freak out in a good way, shout it from the roof tops, and do my "Praise Ya Jesus Dance." I just cant even explain to you the JOY!!!

**Lord you know we are willing and ready! Could you PLEASE make a miracle happen SOON!!! You oh Lord, will get ALL the GLORY!!!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

A Joyful Sufferer

If you don't live in Corpus Christi and/or you missed our Bay Area Fellowship 1st Wednesday Worship service...well MISSED out on powerful worship and amazing teaching!!!

Last night my soul was so carried away by how WONDERFUL my heavenly Father is and yet how much I still have to learn about his suffering for me on the cross.

My sweet husband brought the message last night and the communion...and I did my baptist head nod and said Amen under my breath the entire time he spoke. I know others learned and were challenged...but honestly...I think our Creator gave Jason those words for his wife...for me!!! God knew I needed to hear MY MAN teach me these promises...and if we were at home and Jason would have given me this message, I probably would have discounted the heaviness of it. And that message last night was HEAVY!!!

I'm gonna set the stage:

We had just finished singing "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (our fabulous Lauren sang it like an angel).

Jason walked on to stage and he challenged us to decide if we REALLY believe in the song we had just sung. LEAD ME TO THE CROSS...what happened on that cross...our precious Savior adopted us RIGHT THERE with blood shed...he died for our sins...our failures, our short comings, our selfish desires...and it happened on the CROSS!!! A cross that we were just begging to be led to.

Then he went on to point out the suffering of the cross and yet the JOY that the Lover of Our Souls still had for us. He suffered for us but was joyful through the suffering. When Jason began making these statements...that's when my heart began to break and be crushed. I DON'T SUFFER WITH JOY...I SUFFER WITH COMPLAINTS AND AN UGLY ATTITUDE!!!!!! This walk with Christ isn't suppose to be easy, there is NO where in scripture where it says "follow me to the cross, live your life for me and you will lead an easy life."

Our family has been suffering for the last several years (might not seem a big deal to others but feels huge to us), I cant explain the pain we feel not having our child HERE. Suffering is simply not FUN! And I have to admit I haven't had much joy when it comes to suffering.

But there can be JOY in suffering, there can be comfort and healing. And this morning during my quiet time the Lord illuminated even more details to me about being a JOYFUL sufferer.

After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied. Isaiah 53:11
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Cor. 1:5

Our suffering will eventually lead us to satisfaction and comfort...but we have to suffer NOW to get to that point...and we can let JOY overflow from our hearts during the process. If our true and ultimate desire is to be like Christ...then we have to be led to the joy! If while we are on our journey of pursuing Christ and we become discouraged and live without joy then that is an invitation for the enemy to come in and steal our progress we are making.

Do not yield to discouragement no matter how severely stressed or surrounded by problems you may be. The very instant you wholeheartedly turn away from every symptom of discouragement and lack of trust, the blessed Holy Spirit will reawaken your faith and breathe God's devine strength into your soul. (taken from Streams in the Dessert, April 2nd)

All this to say...God is entrusting our family with this journey of adoption...and I haven't had the JOY that I should've had. My attitude sometimes probably hasn't attracted others to adopt...who wants to travel this road of adoption and be complaining the whole time!!! YUCK!!!

This adoption has taught me MORE then I could have EVER EVER EVER imagined. And now it is teaching me to have JOY even though we don't have our baby in our arms. But we do have God's promise that he WILL bless us with a child through adoption. That is MY PROMISE from him! And I am going to cling to that promise with JOY...even on the days that I feel a deep suffering!!!!

From this point on, I am determined......I will be a JOYFUL Sufferer!
(I might need reminding at times!!!!)