November

Sorry everyone for the LONG delay in posts...needless to say we have been BUSY BUSY around here! Okay here is what happened in November.

November 7th was our birthmom's birthday...so we went back to Houston on November 12th to take her to lunch for her birthday. My sweet friend made her a cake and I took her some little birthday gifts. We hung out for a bit at the agency and then we went and ate lunch. But before lunch she gave me a CD with pictures from her ultrasound. Here we were celebrating her and yet she was giving us a gift that was priceless.

We had a good lunch and got to know each other better. Its the most surreal experience sitting across from a wonderful girl who is VERY pregnant and has chosen YOU (us) to raise and love her child. It takes my breath away every time I think about what a difficult yet brave choice she made. I'm in awe of our birthmom. My prayer is that one day she will be married and have a sweet family of her own. I will rejoice with her.

After lunch we said our good byes and we knew the next time we would see her would be on DELIVERY DAY...another very surreal moment. We took some pictures and loved on each other and then went our separate ways.

We got in the car to head back to CC and I told Jason "I will not be able to make it home knowing on this CD there are pictures of our little girl." So we went back to the agency and pulled up the pictures on their computer. We printed a few out so we could stare and study our precious bundle while we made our drive back home. I would look at the sono pics for a while...put them down...pick them back up...put them down...and it continued the whole drive home. I just couldn't get enough of those pictures. She was beautiful!!!

We got home and told Jackson that he was going to have a baby sister and he was thrilled. We still had to be cautious and he knew that it was still a possibility that our birthmom could change her mind. He is precious and wanted this little girl so badly...but he also reminded us that it might not happen. Such a hard road for a 5 year old to walk and grasp...but he did it so well. We were not telling THE WHOLE WORLD yet...we were still being very guarded and just kept our eyes on our Heavenly Father.

On Nov 18th, we had our pre placement visit with our social worker @ our house. Everything went fine and we talked a little bit about what the csection day would look like. Our birthmom was scheduled for a csection on Wednesday, Dec 9th. (Her original due date was Dec 14th) Our plan was to be there the day she had the csection and then to be the first ones to hold and see Natalie (this is what our birthmom wanted).

Also on Nov 18th, I made the announcement to my High School girls bible study group. This group of girls had been praying for years for God to bring our child home. They were so pumped!!! I was so excited to see their JOY and TEARS!!! That was one of the greatest moments on our journey.

***In my quiet time that afternoon (18th) I was brought to Luke 1:45 "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Earlier in the month I had felt like God was reassuring me that this little girl was meant to be in our family. But that specific day I was having some massive attack and then I got on my face in the nursery and began reading in Luke 1...and that was the verse that hit me hard!! It was as if God was saying...BELIEVE ME...I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS!!!

One Nov 25th, I got word that Natalie's kidneys were a little swollen but the doctor thought everything would be fine. They said swollen kidneys are very common in little girls and most of the time after birth the kidneys become normal size. We began to pray that everything would be okay and that Natalie Grace would be born healthy...and of course that our birthmom would remain healthy too!

November was a whirlwind!! We were still guarded but had a peace about it as well. We were clinging on every scripture we had read about adoption and we were trusting that this time around a baby would be in our arms.

October-The Call and The Meeting

Tuesday, October 13th 2009 marked 20months of us waiting to be chosen by a birthmom. That morning I woke up and prayed that on this day of waiting that God would bring a birthmom to New Life...and I wrote a 20month blog http://achosentreasure.blogspot.com/2009/10/20-months20-things.html .

I got ready for the day and then went and met Jason for lunch at Bistro D'Asia. We were sitting there and I said "do you know what today is?" He just looked at me with fear because I'm pretty sure he thought he had forgotten our anniversary or my birthday (just joking...he wouldn't ever)! I finally told him..."today marks 2o months of waiting for our child and I am SO ready for the Lord to bring that precious baby home." We talked about it for a little bit and then we knew we needed to change the subject or I would turn into a crying mess right there at the restaurant.

We both headed to work at the church...I needed to do some stuff in my office and Jason and the other element staffers needed to make video...so he headed upstairs to the element room. I went to my office and started checking voice mails. The first message was from our agency...."Hey Lindsey, this is Sara, please call me...." and I hung up the phone and didn't listen to the rest of the message. I called her back and she asked how I was doing...and then she said "Lindsey, y'all have been chosen by a birthmom." My was response was "are you kidding." She wasn't kidding. She began to tell me about our birthmom and why she was deciding to place her child for adoption...our birthmom is amazing and is such a brave woman. I was shaking as she was giving me all the details...trying to soak it all in. It all became real when she told me the due date...Dec 14th...wow that was so close :) We set up a time for us to come to Houston to meet our birthmom...and then just like that...we finally had a CALL that we had been waiting for. My life changed that day!

I called Jason and told him to come downstairs because I had something very important that I needed to tell him...we me in the Connection Room (at church) and I could tell he was a little nervous about what I was about to tell him. I felt like I wanted to cry and jump up and down...it was amazing!!! I told him all the details of my phone call with Sara and that we had been chosen by a birthmom...we both just looked at each other in udder disbelief...and then it totally sunk in...we knew we needed to guard our hearts because there was still a possibility that our birthmom could change her mind (we had already experienced that in May). We decided that we would only tell our close friends and family and that we wanted to walk carefully through these next several months (Oct-Dec).

I went and told Amy to come outside...I just looked at her and she GUESSED...she said did you get the call....YES!!! We jumped up and down, hugged, and cried...and both knew that we needed to be in massive prayer for our little bundle of love to come home...a failed adoption just wasn't an option for our hearts :) Then I tracked down my mom at work...told her to guess...she asked if I was pregnant and I said NO...we got chosen by a birthmom!!! Then I called Mel and told her...she was at Babies R Us in New Mexico...she wanted to scream and yell but she was in public...I still would've loved to see her do the Praise Ya Jesus dance in public :) Then the phone calls started to our dearest friends who we knew would PRAY PRAY PRAY...what an amazing support group God has provided us with.

Then on October 20th we had a prayer time in our nursery with some of our prayer warriors...such a sweet time! We prayed for our baby and for our birthmom...we cried out on their behalf. There were many tears that day...and we pleaded with God that this adoption journey would end with a baby in our arms...please God...please let this story have a happy ending.

On October 26th, we drove to Houston to meet our birthmom...it was such a surreal feeling. We had already done this part before and we had walked a road that we didn't want to walk. We had grown to love our birthmom in May and when that didn't work out we were devastated. The whole time to Houston this time I was praying "God if this isn't suppose to happen then please don't even let her show up...I would rather not even meet her if she isn't really going to place her child with us." My heart was so guarded but yet it was beating so fast.

When we walked in to New Life...I saw her...sitting on the famous New Life couch...there she was...SHE SHOWED UP!!! I wanted to sob but all I could get out was pure excitement...I hugged her and wanted her to feel how much we adored her and loved her...such a powerful moment. We talked for a little bit, got to know each other...and then she told us she was having a little girl...one of the best moments in my life...we were so excited! I asked her if she had picked out a name and she said she did like a name but wanted us to pick what we wanted to name her. I asked her if I could share with her what we would like to name her and she said yes...I told her that we wanted to name her Natalie Grace...she teared up...(I thought oh no, she hates the name) and then she said...That's the name I would have picked if I was going to name her!!! OH MY GOODNESS...tears started flowing!!! Our Natalie Grace was growing in this precious woman's tummy...and she had been chosen to be a Gerdes!!! What a surreal feeling. **Just a side note, in May when we were waiting to see if we were getting a boy or girl I was thinking about changing the girls name we had picked out...which was Natalie...because Natalie means "born at Christmas" and since we were having a May baby I didn't want to name her that...I know...I'm strange!!! So when we found out we were having a girl this time around and that she would be BORN AT CHRISTMAS TIME...well Natalie was just the perfect name for our bundle of love!!!

October was full of emotions...but November and December get even better!!! Check back soon to find out the rest of the details :)

***Also...when you found out we had gotten chosen...what was your response?? I would love to have my prayer warriors views on all the details that happened in October!

SEEING....THEIR FAITH

This morning our Pastor spoke on the paralyzed man in Luke 5 and challenged us to think about the areas in our life that we are paralyzed.

I know my area! Some days I feel like I have FULL range of motion and other days I feel PARALYZED...adoption will challenge every bone, fiber, and muscle you have...and your SOUL!

The verse that really spoke to me was Luke 5:20- "Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the man, "Young man, your sins are forgiven." ***It wasn't the FAITH of the man...it was the FAITH of the men carrying the man.*** My heart was FULL...cause I HAVE friends and family who are carrying me...cause sometimes this journey is paralyzing.

I need THEIR FAITH...cause sometimes I don't have any. I need them to go before the Lord and BEG and plead for our child...cause sometimes I don't have the energy or words. I have a sweet friend who her and her husband have committed to fast and pray specifically for our baby and birthmom/birth family every Tuesday...because of THEIR FAITH.

And I hope because of MY FAITH...that the Lord will do amazing miracles in the lives of my friends...my prayer is that marriages will be saved, a job opportunity will come available, family members will be restored, and that the Lord would grant a dear friend a Godly husband...because of MY FAITH.

All the more reason we as Christ Followers must have a group of people who believe in us, challenge us, love us unconditionally, and have FAITH that God will DO what HE says!!!

***Its Adoption Awareness Month...will you please HAVE FAITH that the Lord will bring our child HOME...and if you know someone else that is adopting...encourage them...share YOUR FAITH with them...they might feel paralyzed...they might need to be carried!

Favor

In April/May when we thought we were going to be bringing home a sweet baby...my prayer was constantly...SHOW FAVOR ON US LORD. We had been waiting for SO SO long and I just knew that it was FINALLY our time. But then the roller coaster ride began...when our birthmom cut off contact with our agency the fear set in.

I continued to plead with the Lord...PLEASE GOD...show us FAVOR!!! Then I got a little angry when that FAVOR wasn't shown. Why did he think we were strong enough to actually go through that type of pain? Where was HE? Why did he even allow us to be chosen if his FAVOR wasn't going to be shown. Oh I was frustrated, sad and I felt abandoned. HE IS GOD...why didn't he SHOW FAVOR to us??

Okay well fast forward 5 months...and my view has drastically changed on the FAVOR of the LORD. The word FAVOR means: friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior, to the benefit of, in support of, to one's advantage.

Just because we are Christ Followers doesn't mean that "good" things are always going to happen to us...the GREATEST thing is that we have salvation...that SHOULD be enough. But how come we feel like the Lord isn't granting us his FAVOR when it doesn't go according to our PLAN. We need to change our view...FAVOR sometimes means that the Lord has to withhold something from us in order to protect us or to provide for us differently than what we had expected. God's favor isn't always wrapped up in a perfect little gift box with a beautiful ribbon on top...some times God's favor is shown as we lay on living room floor, pound our fist and PLEAD with him to WORK THIS SITUATION OUT...and then he doesn't work it out the way WE WANT...but instead he creates something different for us...and in his PERFECT time he reveals it to us.

That's favor!!! FAVOR is the fact that the battle has already been won...technically he doesn't OWE us anything. FAVOR is the fact that he died on a cross...beaten and bruised...ALL FOR ME!!! HELLO LINDSEY GERDES...FAVOR has already been shown!!! Now...I do believe God wants to bless us...he wants to reveal himself to us...but salvation has to be ENOUGH for us...and sometimes...we have to be perfectly okay with the FAVOR that is shown...even if its not what we had originally wanted...he KNOWS what we need...and he LOVES us dearly!

FAVOR people...FAVOR!!!!

TWO QUESTIONS???

Question #1

Why are you and Jason adopting even though you can have children biologically?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

We feel God specifically called our family to take care of orphans...but not just by donating money to a wonderful organization...but by adopting children into our family. As a Christ Follower...I simply feel like for OUR FAMILY (praying for many more families to feel the same way) that adoption is an act of obedience. Jason and I both feel strongly that if we were to say NO to adopting then we would be being disobedient to what the Lord has firmly and lovingly asked us to do. When the Lord burdens your heart for a certain situation or person...my prayer is that you will act on it. Ive NEVER regretted acting upon what the Lord has asked me to do. Adoption is from the Lord and its a gift that he gives his people...its a gift that I want to be a part of.

Question #2

Why are y'all adopting a biracial or African American child? Why not a Caucasian child?

(I'm trying to answer this question in a loving way)

Okay...so get this...we KNOW we are WHITE...and we KNOW its "different" for us to want a child of another race. When the Lord asked us to adopt...not once did we feel called to adopt a child that was white...WHITE CHILDREN need to be adopted...but it was a FIRM calling on our lives to adopt a child of another race. Cant really explain it...except that we feel CALLED/ APPOINTED/ BURDENED/ and IN LOVE with what the Lord has asked to do and we are going to stick with it and trust that his ways are perfect! And seriously...lets not get caught up on the COLOR of SKIN...lets instead get caught up on the fact that this CHILD needs a MOMMY AND DADDY!!! We are very aware that our baby wont LOOK like a Gerdes...I'm very aware that people will stare...but I'm also VERY aware of the way God looks at his children...and how he created us in HIS LIKENESS. Here is my PLEA...please don't make this an issue...PLEASE except it...our child deserves to be treated as a child of GOD...so when you see me at the grocery store, at church, or at school (or any where else)...just smile and PRAISE the LORD for what he has done! Be in awe! Jump up and down! Do the Praise YA Jesus Dance! Buy me cup of coffee and and gift card or diapers...hehehe!!! Just enjoy the blessing!

****Plus...brown babies are pretty stinkin cute :)

20 Months...20 Things

1. Adoption is the most beautiful journey I have ever been on.
2. My feelings towards birthmom's have completely changed...they are precious women who deserve love and encouragement. That are choosing life for their child.
3. Not everyone will understand WHY you are adopting...not everyone will be supportive...try to explain but if they don't get it...move on!
4. Sometimes it takes longer for family members to come around in being supportive...but after 20 months of waiting..I'm pretty sure everyone is supportive and just VERY VERY READY!
5. Your husband wont ALWAYS understand your motherly feelings...try to be calm and explain why you feel the way you feel :)
6. "Its all in God's timing" is the phrase people use when they have nothing else to say...I would rather them say..."I know this is hard and I want you to know I am praying." Its not to say that "Its all in God's timing" isn't true...it IS!!! But that cant be our standard answer for everything difficult.
7. Blesses my heart when people call and pray with me over the phone...you KNOW who you are!
8. When my element girls call or text me...that makes my heart leap for joy cause they are getting to learn about adoption and the impact it has...and they are only in High School. My prayer is that they will ALL adopt one day!
9. Ive never desired something so deeply.
10. Baby stores are hard to go into.
11. Race shouldn't be an issue!
12. I have met people along this journey who are priceless to me.
13. My relationship with the Lord is the only way I make it daily.
14. Every day I have to pursue GOD first...its not easy but SO rewarding.
15. Failed adoptions HURT.
16. New Life Pregnancy Center...understands adoptive families and birthmoms...they LOVE both!
17. Waiting for so long has made me LOVE this child more than you could POSSIBLY imagine.
18. This child is OUR CHILD...just because we are adopting doesn't mean that he/she is not our CHILD...adoption is just another way to add to your family.
19. The day we have our child in our arms...everything will be worth it.
20. Adoption is the toughest journey I have ever been on.

Happy 20 MONTHS...whew!

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

Every day is a BATTLE for me...I'm so flawed...I'm a SINNER...I'm not perfect...I mess up...I get frustrated with my hubby, my child, my friends, our ministry...situations bug me...the desire to BE IN CONTROL is a constant feeling...my emotions sometimes are so IRRATIONAL...my heart sometimes burst with FEAR...I don't always trust God...I don't always RUN straight to his word...I don't always pray and lay my burdens before him...sometimes I carry all my ISSUES on my own...

...I'm a beautiful DISASTER...

And if it wasn't for JESUS dying on the cross and FORGIVING my mess...then I would be stuck...and not be able to live a life full of JOY and PASSION...I'm reminded daily how imperfect I am...and I am reminded daily how DEEPLY in LOVE he is with me! I don't want to be the same...I want daily to look MORE and MORE like my CREATOR. I want to deal with people like he would and LOVE them through tough times. I want to be a PASSIONATE wife and mother. I desire for the MAKER OF HEAVEN to continue to tweak my soul so that I may reflect his BEAUTY.

I want to be DIFFERENT...set apart...I want to live in my FREEDOM...I want to saturate my life with his TRUTH...

I WILL PRAISE YOU LORD...because it is FITTING!!!!