BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

Every day is a BATTLE for me...I'm so flawed...I'm a SINNER...I'm not perfect...I mess up...I get frustrated with my hubby, my child, my friends, our ministry...situations bug me...the desire to BE IN CONTROL is a constant feeling...my emotions sometimes are so IRRATIONAL...my heart sometimes burst with FEAR...I don't always trust God...I don't always RUN straight to his word...I don't always pray and lay my burdens before him...sometimes I carry all my ISSUES on my own...

...I'm a beautiful DISASTER...

And if it wasn't for JESUS dying on the cross and FORGIVING my mess...then I would be stuck...and not be able to live a life full of JOY and PASSION...I'm reminded daily how imperfect I am...and I am reminded daily how DEEPLY in LOVE he is with me! I don't want to be the same...I want daily to look MORE and MORE like my CREATOR. I want to deal with people like he would and LOVE them through tough times. I want to be a PASSIONATE wife and mother. I desire for the MAKER OF HEAVEN to continue to tweak my soul so that I may reflect his BEAUTY.

I want to be DIFFERENT...set apart...I want to live in my FREEDOM...I want to saturate my life with his TRUTH...

I WILL PRAISE YOU LORD...because it is FITTING!!!!

19 months!!!

Cant even believe that we have been waiting 19 months on baby to come home. Seems crazy...hello babies need homes...and HELLO...we have a home :)

I'm honestly okay...my heart was filled to the brim today with our element students so I didn't even think about it being our 19 month of waiting day...until I got home and was sitting in quiet.

Transformation has taken place in my heart...adoption has become so precious to me...birthmom's have become precious to me! Birthmoms deserve so much love and support...I want to share something that happened to me the other day.

I was getting a much needed pedicure and I was talking with the nail tech about Jackson...she asked me if I had any other children. I said yes...but we we were just waiting to be matched with a birthmom. She looked at me and said..."oh y'all are adopting...don't you think most birthmoms are hookers?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME...seriously woman...you have no idea what you just said...and who you just said it to...I was so MAD!!! But I calmly said...no that's a myth...birthmoms are brave and courageous...they are giving LIFE!!! I wanted to cry...but I just sat there and begged the Lord to change people's views on birthmoms. I sat there broken hearted for our precious birthmom whom I will always defend...no matter the situation...she is giving us a child...a life...and I will wait another 19 months if I need to just to receive the blessing that I know the Lord has created for our family. God doesn't make mistakes!!

19 months seems ridiculous to have to wait for a child...but we are NOT waiting on just any child...we are waiting on the child that God formed and created for us...and his ways are perfect.

So happy...life changing 19 months to the Gerdes Family :)

My Girls

1st Wednesday Worship service was amazing tonight!!! God showed up and broke my heart! Bil was talking about how some of us are waiting and desiring "something"...he paused for a second and then he said "some of you desire a baby"...oooo goodness...this waiting momma LOST IT!!! Right there on the third row....broken heart...crying out for the Lord to come and bring us this desire. But the best part is what happened next...I looked down the row and my high school girls were sobbing too...hurting right along with me.

When you adopt you never know who is going to support you or think you are crazy. The Lord has blessed me with a group of High School girls whose hearts are so broken for our family and our child. Some of them have been on this journey with me for 4 years and others have just joined in the last few months...but none the less...they are WALKING and RUNNING this journey with me. Their encouragement means the WORLD to me...I feel blessed beyond measures to get to pour into their lives...and they get it...they pour back into mine.

Lexy, Linds, Mykayla, Priscilla, Presley, Jayma and Christy....thanks for hurting with me and praying that our child will come soon! I'm so thankful that you love our family and our baby. Thanks for the sweet words of encouragement (they always come and the perfect time). When the adoption failed in May...well...thanks for being devastated with me. Thanks for not forgetting that we are adopting...yall ask how things are going all the time :) Thanks for being excited...and Mykayla...thanks for being available to help me with HAIR :)...this white momma will need some help...so I am glad I have you to help me!!! Girls...I love you! More than I could EVER EVER express. I'm proud of each of you. You bless me...I cant wait to call each of you to let you know we have been chosen by a birthmom!!! Wont that be a great day...we will scream,jump up and down...and do spirit sprinkles. LOVE YOU EACH as if you were my own!!!!

***And Mel and Ames...Im so glad I get to wait on the Lord with you both!!! It makes waiting just a little sweeter!