Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Awe Struck Wonder

I am filled with Awe Struck Wonder at the Mention of Your Name! I love you Jesus! I love that you have CALLED me to this place. I am more in love with you TODAY then when I started this journey!

(part of Revelation Song, by Gateway Worship)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You! Yeah!
Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mysteryYeah...

Monday, February 16, 2009

I need HELP nesting!!!

If my husband reads this post...which I know he will...but he never leaves a comment (babe leave a comment)...he will wonder WHY the title is I NEED HELP NESTING. He will laugh out loud when he sees that...cause he will think to himself...she doesn't need ANY help nesting cause she is DRIVING ME CRAZY nesting.

But I need your help...all TWO of my blog readers :) Molly, you have already helped so much...but give me some more tips if you have them.

I want to be PROACTIVE during this waiting time, I don't have control of my due date but I can DO alot until my DATE arrives. With Jackson...well I was HUGE and in pain so I didn't do much nesting...but with this baby...well I might turn into a Mommy Bird I am nesting SO MUCH :)

So for those of you out there reading this...what should I be doing right now. One question I have is for decorating the nursery...right now its decorated in neutral colors, thank you Karen for letting me borrow all your bedding. Cause if its a boy I want to use all of Jackson's stuff...thank you Nanny. And if its a girl well hello...PINK! So I guess its not really a question but what happens if we get a call and ITS a girl and the birthmom just had the baby...okay well...I WILL HAVE TO HAVE MY FRIENDS come over RIGHT AWAY and decorate the nursery. ( I know this isn't a HUGE deal but it is something I think about so cut me some slack. I know to the "normal/ non adopting/ non pregnant woman" that these thoughts that I am having will seem ludicrous on EVERY level....sorry Charlie!)

****Okay so I am finishing this post on Monday Night...started it on Monday Morning.
I went to Target and bought diapers...I felt so mommy like buying diapers! Its been 2 1/2 years since I bought diapers...and 5 years since I bought NEWBORN diapers. I've decided that every time I go to the grocery store I am going to by diapers.

Alright...give me some more pointers...what else should I be doing??

Oh yeah, I cleaned the pantry last Thursday...and I want to clean the base boards asap! I also am in the process of shampooing our carpets and our living room furniture. Whew!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

All I want...

...Is for my cell phone to ring and to hear Sara or Cindy say..."Lindsey, y'all have been chosen by a birthmom."

I mean really...that doesn't seem so hard, RIGHT. Well for the last year I have wanted that EVERYDAY. And hasn't happen.

For those of you who have WAITED for your sweet baby...some days are wonderful and you totally "get" the wait...and some days you want to throw something. Its weird...One day I am fine, the next day I want to cry, then the next day I am totally fine, then the next day I want to THROW something.

And it seems right now EVERYONE is pregnant...well I am too but I just don't have a DUE DATE!!! And I don't have morning HA!!! Just joking...I do have heart sickness! Everyday I long to hold that sweet baby...I mean my heart aches for that precious child. So I am learning everyday I ache to LEAN on HIM...believe me I am LEARNING and LEANING!!!

Today, Valentine's Day, well the best gift ever could have been a sweet little baby in my arms...instead...I nested like crazy! It was fun! Jackson and Jason are getting a little tired of my projects...but like I said...we don't have a due date, so I gotta be ready EVERYDAY!!!!

I still need to get the baby stuff down out of the attic...stroller, pack-n-play, car seat, swing, bouncer....I need to wash it all and have it READY for the day we get the CALL.

Tonight we went to our neighbors house for a Couples Valentine Party...they said I MUST put a sign out in the front yard once we get the CALL...UH YEAH...Heck yes I will! Every one will know!!!

All I to have this adoption have some light shine on it! I am ready!!!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Today is different

Well I just told Jason...UH I don't think I can do this anymore. He said "Linds I thought you said God was teaching you so much." Well HE is...but I am tired today and very hormonal...and I want some light to shine on our journey!

And now I am going to take a hot bath and try to relax and LEAN on my Creator. Cause I probably wont take many hot baths once baby for now I will focus on the PROS of not having an infant...BTW...there aren't many...cause I don't care if my life gets interrupted by this bundle of love!

***I do realize this post is random...sorry!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Toy vs Treasure

"Mom can I have a toy at Target."

"No, Jackson, you may not."

"Uh Mom, please can I have a toy at Target."

"Jackson, you just had your birthday got plenty of aren't going to get a toy at Target."

"Mom...I really want a toy at Target...(begins throwing massive fit)"

"Jackson, I am not going to tell you WILL NOT get a toy at Target. If you ask me again your DS will be taken away. My answer is no."

This is a common occurrence in my life, especially on the days we go to Target.

Our student ministry staff, leaders and students are reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Amazing book...the first chapter is on Prayer...and grasping the fact that we get to go before the MOST HIGH GOD for a conversation which is called prayer!

Yesterday, our element staff sat down to write questions for our small groups on Sunday. Something hit me like a TON OF BRICKS...oh how my prayer life MUST change.

I want to talk specifically about adoption and how I pray when it comes to this issue. God must be SO annoyed with me...cause I am like my 5 year old...begging for a toy at Target.

First thing out of my mouth when I go to him in prayer is "Lord, can you please bring our baby home to us...Please...Please...Please." Oh my word...I am annoyed at myself just typing that. It makes my skin crawl when Jackson wont let up about the toy from Target. He acts like if he doesn't get it his life will be OVER!!!! And then the word please...that child can say that word faster and more times then I could ever imagine...I almost hate that word.

But holy cow, that's the way I am with God. As I write this my heart is so broken...I have been going to my FATHER for over a year now...just BEGGING for him to bring us a birthmom and a baby...all the while forgetting to go to him with complete and total adoration and praise. I have the privilege to be in the presence of my creator and yet all I do is ask him to create MORE things. WHY??? Why have I been a believer for so long and I am just now getting this concept. I think one of the reasons is I have NEVER wanted something so badly, adoption has brought me to a place in my walk with the Lord that I NEVER thought possible.

I cant even imagine what my response would be like to Jackson if he said...
"Mom could I have a toy today when we go to Target."

"No, Jackson you may not have a toy today."

"Okay Mom, I know you have a reason for not getting me a toy today. I trust that you know better than I do. I love you so much and I am so thankful that I get to call you Mommy. You have provided for me, cared for me, loved me...I am so thankful that I get to hang out with you and see your face. I don't need a toy today. The day you choose to bless me with a toy will be a great day are more then enough for me!"

I would pass out if he said this to me! My first reaction is that I want to bless my child for understanding that my LOVE for him is MORE then LOVE for him is better then any material item I could give him.

Oh my gosh...praise the Lord...that is the way he feels about us. He is MORE than enough...yes when he chooses to give us blessings, we can be thankful, shout for joy, do our crazy I love Jesus dance...but HE is our blessing and HE is more than enough. God is calling me to realize that. He can't bless me when I come to him with my annoying...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...throwing a fit type of prayer. I need to be in massive TIME out for my attitude towards praying to my disrespectful I have been.

***Lord, when I come before you, I pray I will be amazed by JUST YOU. Not what you can give me but WHO YOU ARE. I know you want to bless us but I know before any blessings I receive I must always realize that YOU ARE my blessing! I love you my precious Father...I am awe struck by your simplicity and your complexity. You are my Treasure and I want to be FACE TO FACE with you!