PromiseI was standing at my kitchen sink tonight doing a weeks worth of dishes and I felt a peace that I have been begging for. I felt the Lord saying..."what I have planned for your family through adoption will be the most amazing thing you have ever experienced." I kind of paused for a second to soak up that promise. It felt so good to let that sink in to my heart and soul!!
***Lord, we are ready for you to show us our blessing. We are ready to see our blessing, to love our blessing...to care and raise our blessing. But until you reveal that blessing to us...we will seek you...we will be devoted to you! You knew that this hard headed girl needed to go through some valleys...you knew I needed to learn to trust you. I wouldn't trade every tear Ive cried because through the pain I have grown closer to my Creator. I love you precious Jesus.
BirthmomOkay so one might think that we are mad that our birthmom changed her mind. I can honestly say...we are NOT mad. We are hurt by the loss of what we thought would happen. But in NO way are we mad at her. We don't feel mislead or rejected...yes we still hurt...but we were put in her path at the perfect time. We prayed over her and that sweet baby...countless hours of prayers. We were able to provide household items for her...we were able to show her the love of Christ! Do I wish we had that sweet baby in our arms...YES...but am I trusting that God knows what we need and can handle...YES! I am still grieving...but I seriously LOVE "J". Am I confused on why she changed her mind...YES...did I think it was a perfect adoption story...YES...is adoption messy...YES!!! I want her to be a successful woman and I want her to raise her children in a Godly home...we will be praying for her...she is a fighter...and a survivor! I know her story...lets just say...I wouldn't have made it through what she has! We are concerned for her, we wish she would have called New Life back...but we are not mad. How much closer to our baby is it going to get me if I harbor bitterness towards this woman? None!
***Lord you know all the details for "J"s life...protect her, love her, direct her. Give her strength and wisdom. Continue to provide for her. I pray she will keep her eyes only on you. Thank you for using her to teach me...and thank you for bringing her into our lives so we could minister to her. I wouldn't change it for the world! Even though the pain I feel is real...I know its nothing compared to the pain she feels...comfort her and encourage her!