Today we went for an adoption training in Houston. This is a training that is mandatory with our agency. I am so glad that our agency believes in training and equipping us.
Every time we meet with our agency it makes us want Nathan or Natalie even more, the wait is really hard. Sometimes I find myself waking up several times in the night just longing to have our baby here with us. I KNOW its God's timing, but I still desire for it to be SOON!!! Every morning when I wake up I think, "today could be the day that our birthmom chooses us." What an awesome day that will be when we get that call.
I cant even explain the emotions that I have experienced on this journey. Some days I am fearful, some days I am overcome with joy, some days I feel so burdened for our birthmom, some days I have a huge sense of peace, some days I weep and then laugh, some days I wonder if we are doing the right thing, some days I wonder if our baby will love us and appreciate us...basically EVERY day I feel some emotion that either makes my heart ache or jump for joy. The main thing is that Jason and I are faithful to this calling of adoption. This is a ministry for us, yes this baby will be our family, but we are preparing for a spiritual battle...just like how we prepare for ministry. We know there will be challenges and rewards to this journey, Oh Lord go before us and hem us in.
***For us to get chosen by a birthmom!!!
1. Healthy Baby
2.Strength for our birthmom, she is so courageous, I can't imagine the range of emotions she will be having! That she is making healthy, wise decisions. For her support system, please Lord put people around her that love her and can encourage her.
3. For the birthfather to relinquish rights and for him to not cause any drama!
4. For the relationship that we will have with the birthmom and birthfather! I know people don't understand open adoption, but wow its a beautiful thing if handled correctly! Thank goodness our agency is amazing at communicating to the birthfamily and the adoptive family. (sorry to those of you who feel uncomfortable with open adoption, but this is what we are choosing for our family.)
5.For attachment with our sweet baby. We will be doing different techniques to help this process along, but ultimately we just need Jesus to be our attachment expert and help this baby attach to his mommy and daddy. THIS IS HUGE!!!!
6.For Jackson and the baby to attach fast...I hope and pray that Jackson falls in love with our new baby and that he will blossom even more into the little man that God has created him to be.
7. The stigma of adoption, especially since our child will be a different color than us. But HELLO, its just a color...and our Creator created every color...so get over it!!! Not to sound harsh, I know this will be a hard reality for many...oh but what a privilege we have to love this baby, this baby was predestined FOR US (Eph 1). I want people to see our baby the way God sees our baby. A gift, a treasure, a glorious expression of God's love for us and for life, a miracle, NOT a mistake...but a child with a purpose. (Jason told me tonight at supper that he was going to jack anyone who thought otherwise...obviously he probably wont pounce on someone...but this our baby, our child, MY CHILD...I am protective of my babies.)
8.For our families...mom and dad...I know you are taking on my dreams when it comes to adoption. I know that Jason and I are called to do this, I know it doesn't always make sense...but thanks for being supportive. I know you didn't have to take this calling on as your own...just remember that this baby is just as much your grandchild as Jackson is. This baby was predestined to be loved by his gg and poppy and what an amazing set of grandparents he/she is getting.
9.Nate or Natie's purpose...OH LORD...We give you this gift right back, he/she is YOURS...use Nat(i)e for your glory, your honor, your desires. I pray that many people will be changed by the life they lead. I want nothing more than for Nat(i)e to follow you, seek you, serve you, desire you, long for you, worship you...I pray that we will see fruit Jesus!!!
Well I know there are many other aspects that we have to be praying for...JESUS COVER THIS SITUATION!!! I can't tell you how many times I lay this child at God's feet, only to pick them up the next day. I do the same with Jackson, I give him over everyday but then feel like I am more capable than my Heavenly Father...Thank you for my children, but I know they are yours. I pray you will look at me Lord, and say Well Done, MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT...and if that means me giving up all rights, and just seeking you daily...then I GIVE UP!!! This life is yours...mine, Jason's, Jacks, Nat(i)e...and any other life you choose to bless us with!
I love you Jesus!! I love that you have called us to this point, continue to comfort me and show me your truths.
I love you family...you have blessed us with your love and support...we need YOU!