Sunday, August 30, 2009

How I feel!

This summer has been a summer of so many emotions. I have enjoyed every bit of time spent with family and friends. I have the most loving, encouraging support group that any one could ask for. My circle of friends...get me...they understand me...they let me be ME. These last 4 months have been HARD...I have changed as a person (some good, some bad)...and my "peeps" have helped me function along the way. Sometimes its just a text that says "Im praying for your birthmom right now," or an unexpected baby gift, or a hug (a squeeze that says...I dont understand but I know God does), or a friend who will let you cry, scream, and watch you throw a fit...or friends who will just sit with you in an empty nursery and dream about the day that it will be filled with a sweet bundle of love! This summer my friends have basically carried family even though 8 hours away have loved me from a far and prayed some of the sweetest prayers.

J and I have had to focus on US and not on the hurt...we are growing together in ways that I am so thankful for. We have enjoyed every minute together...he is the BEST husband and my BEST FRIEND. We have prayed prayers this summer that scare us...but we know God has laid some big things on our hearts...adoption has become so precious to us...we feel like it will be a part of our legacy in some way.

Jackson has been lovable and a hand changes about every 5 minutes. He started Kindergarten and he is growing into a tall handsome little boy. He is smart and tricky and kissing those cute cheeks once he is asleep is one of those bonuses of being his mommy!

I tell you all this to life is wonderful. I have people who love me, I have a Savior who has saved me and reminds me of that salvation EVERY DAY, and I have a family that is priceless! But whew...adoption hurts. I have prayed that the Lord would either take this burden of adoption away or that he would let it burn even deeper in my heart. MY HEART IS BURNING. Jesus is enough for me...but HE is the one that put this in our we will keep pursuing HIM as we pursue the calling that he has put on our family.

***Praying for news...and that he would deliver us a special blessing!


Molly said...

What an incredible post. So wish you were closer. I wish you could experience this with someone that has been there or is in the midst of the wait too. But, like you, I know that God has great purpose to where you are. Know that I am praising God with you for the wonderful things he's already done in your life and praying that your time is close.


Cindy Seay said...

Oh, girl!!!! I love this post. I love seeing what God is doing in the lives of waiting families. I can't wait to see why God has planned for you to wait so long. When we see it we will all rejoice and say "Isn't God amazing!!!" You know that I am praying for you and I love you!