Details of December Part 2

Our stay in the hospital was amazing! Our nurses where BEYOND amazing and NEVER once showed any judgement towards A(birthmom) or us.

One encounter I had with one of the nurses totally took me off guard and I KNOW it was a total God moment. It was EARLY Monday morning (Dec 7th), the morning nurse, Laura, had come in to check on Natalie and see how she was doing. After she got Natalie all wrapped back up she came over to my bed and said "I think this is amazing what yall are doing." I told her thank you but that we were just ordinary people. She began to tell me HER story...oh my heavens HOW GOOD IS GOD????

Our Nurse...well...SHE is a BIRTHMOM!!!!! Oh Praise you Jesus for this encounter. I was in total shock (I shouldn't have been...God does these types of things)! She had chosen adoption for her child 25 to 30 years ago (cant remember exactly...it was 5:30 in the morning)...she told me HER point of view on adoption, she told me about the day she met her daughter 25+ years after she had placed her for adoption...she told me her pain...her JOY...her peace! It was a moment I will be thankful for FOREVER!!! God totally knew she would be Natalie's nurse...and that we would be there for that moment. She taught me so much about birthmoms and the feelings they experience after they place their child in their forever families. It was a priceless conversation.

On Monday afternoon A was discharged from the hospital...we couldn't leave yet cause it hadn't been 48 hours. She wanted to go home and so our agency was going to go to her house, let her sign, then come back to the hospital and let us sign!!! It was a whirlwind!

We were getting Natalie all prepped to head back to Corpus when there was a knock on our hospital room door. I went to the door and it was A's friend...she was coming to let me know that A wanted to say bye before she left. My heart started racing...I wanted to be tender with her and express how thankful I was (am) for her. I walked into the hallway and there she was...a precious woman...who had just given birth to a precious little girl. Tears started trying to flow...but I tried really hard to be strong. I gave her a hug and told her I loved her so much. She hugged back and said that she knew we would love Natalie and she knew we loved her. I started crying and she grabbed me by the shoulders and said "we aren't gonna do this...cry...Im going to be okay." At that moment I wanted to cry EVEN MORE!!! Holy cow what an amazing girl she is...she wanted to be strong for ME...yet she was the one leaving the hospital after 9 months of pregnancy without her child...and now she was giving me permission to love, raise, and adore...her child...my child.

I walked back into our room and LOST IT....I mean UGLY CRY!!! The nurse and Jason were both heartbroken too...we all just looked at eachother! I LOVE LOVE our birthmom! I am thankful and grateful for her decision. Her leaving the hospital was HARD...it all became very real for Jason and me.

SIDE NOTE: Please don't talk about birthmoms as if they aren't humans LOVED by our gracious God...our society has a negative view of birthmoms...THIS MUST CHANGE! They aren't GIVING UP their child but instead they are choosing LIFE and then letting a family raise and love their child...that's BRAVERY!!!! So lets be careful how we view these precious women!

After A left the hospital we had some time together...just me, Jason and Natalie. We finished packing up and got her ready for the drive home. We took LOTS of pictures and just basically sat their and held her and loved on her...we didn't put her down hardly at all the whole time we were at the hospital. We had prayed for this very day for 2 1/2 years and now here we were...it was all happening BETTER than we had planned or prayed!

Stay tuned for Details of December Part 3....we had A LOT of things happen in December!!!!

Details of December Part 1

I was just upstairs loving on our precious 4 1/2 month old little bundle of sweetness and this overwhelming since TO BLOG came over me...I gotta get Natalie's story down on paper! Its hidden in my heart and talked about daily...but gotta get it documented!

So here are the details of December:

On December 2nd we found out that our birthmom (going to call her A through this post) would have a csection on Wednesday, Dec 9th @ 12:30pm in Houston. Our plan was to go to Houston on Dec 8th, get a hotel, REST, and then be at the hospital early Wednesday morning to be with A and love on her while she was getting ready to go in for the csection. I had EVERYTHING PLANNED for Tuesday-Friday...Jax was all taken care of with friends and we were set and ready to go!

My grandparents decided that the would make a quick trip to visit us the weekend before Natalie was to be born. They flew in on Dec 5th and were planning on flying back on Dec 7th. My nanny several times said "I just think something is going to happen if we come...like the baby might be born or something." WELL....Dec 5th (Saturday) we were all gathered watching the Texas Longhorns FIGHT HARD to win the championship (booo that didnt happen...poor Colt! Love that dude)...I had just told everyone..."okay, I'm not getting up again, I want to sit here and watch the game." Right after I said that I checked my email and went in to total shock mode!!! We had an email from our agency letting us know that A had gone into labor and was at the hospital and was having her csection TONIGHT!!!! I totally paused and then started freaking out...read the email to Jason, Jax and my nanny and pawpaw! We just all looked at each other and had NO idea what to say or do!!! (My Nanny mumbled something under her breath...Im sure she said..."I knew I was right"...LOVE YOU NANNY)

I got on the phone with our agency and they informed me that everything was fine but she had gone into labor...and for us to meet our case worker at the hospital in Houston on Sunday. So we packed our bags, made phone calls to get Sunday services covered...CRIED...freaked out...CRIED...made more phone calls...PRAYED....CRIED!!! I was in total awe of this very moment!!!

So there we are at our home while our precious birthmom was delivering our precious child. AND the PLAN was for us to be there when she was born so we could be the first ones to hold her...but NOW...WHO was going to hold her and tell her how much she was loved!!! I just couldn't fathom the thought of our precious daughter in the hospital nursery with NO one to love on her. Right then I started begging and pleading with the Lord that HE would be RIGHT there speaking truth over her. I got on the phone with friends and asked them to pray too!! I knew A had decided not to see Natalie because she thought it would be too hard...so I just begged God that he would comfort A and Natalie since I wasn't going to be there to show love to both of these precious girls...our birthmom and our child. (As if I thought I HAD to be there to comfort...I cant wait to tell you what happened)

We didn't sleep hardly at all that night! We got up early and headed to Houston and my grandparents stayed with Jackson. HELLO BLESSING! We made our way to Houston but first stopped off at a Whataburger in Portland to get loved on by one of my precious prayer warriors, Donna Brown! We had forgotten to take Jackson's booster seat out of my car and my grandparents needed it and she was going to take it to them! BUT then she gave us a personalized Christmas ornament with ALL of our names on it...even Natalie's! OH MY HEAVENS...it became real! I'm pretty sure we prayed right there in the parking lot...Donna Brown prays...it doesn't matter where you are!

Our drive to Houston was AMAZING! Since it was Christmas time the radio stations were all playing Christmas Music...OVER AND OVER again we got to hear about the birth of our SAVIOR...the very SAVIOR who had orchestrated our miracle! Oh what a priceless time...I kind of wish I could go back and relive that day all over again. I was changed that day...and I will always be grateful for what God did in our hearts...how he so tenderly loved me enough to bring me and Jason to the place of adoption...what an HONOR to serve our KING by loving and raising his children.

We arrived at the hospital and met our case worker! She let us know that we would be able to STAY at the hospital in our own room with Natalie!! What a huge blessing! We were going to be able to have our daughter in our OWN room for her stay at the hospital.

We got to look through the hospital nursery window and could see Natalie with a cute Santa hat on. We couldn't SEE her face and features though so we were DYING to see her! The nurses got us all settled in our room...all the security wrist band stuff...and then while they were prepping Natalie to be brought to us...I got to go have a visit with A. ***This was priceless to me!!! I was amazed at how well she was doing. The first question she asked me was "Have you seen her yet"...I said no and she said "Well hurry back to your room so you can go love on her." So I loved on A just a bit more then headed back to our room.

Just a few moments later the nurses rolled Natalie Grace into our room! OH MY OH MY!!!!!!! I was SO not prepared for what took place in my heart that VERY moment I saw her...it was INSTANT LOVE!!! Not "Oh I will have to grow to love her", Not "we gotta bond", Not "I love her but it doesn't feel like she is mine yet." NOPE instant LOVE (the same love Jesus has for us)! I was amazed at how beautiful she was (is) and Jason and I couldn't take our eyes off of her! SERIOUSLY one of the BEST BEST days of my life!

THEN...all the nurses left our room...our case worker left...and it was just us 3! Oddly enough I didn't cry one tear...I think I had emptied my tear bank on Saturday! I was just oozing JOY...this was the day that I had prayed, fasted, cried and begged God for and WOW did he deliver!! Jason and I couldn't stop taking pictures and texting them to every living being...we wanted EVERYONE to see how GOOD God was being to us...so undeserving and yet he was just pouring the blessings on THICK!!! The Holy Spirit showed up that day in our hospital room...and stayed until we were discharged from the hospital. There was a covering of peace for those 2 days we were there. We KNEW that the there was still a possibility that A could change her mind (in TX birthmoms have 48 hours and then they can sign to terminate rights) but we were appointed for the time being to LOVE and ADORE this precious gift. She didn't leave our sight but twice to go to the nursery. The nurses were fabulous! They just oooo and awwed over her and wanted to hear our story! It was a sweet sweet time...a time that I will always TREASURE! God is good people...so good!!!!

The Details of December just keep getting better and better...but first some pictures:

(I cant upload any of the pics cause Jason has them on his computer...so for now use this link)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2044694&id=1411837543&l=07adfcdfbc

Details of December Part 2...coming soon!

November

Sorry everyone for the LONG delay in posts...needless to say we have been BUSY BUSY around here! Okay here is what happened in November.

November 7th was our birthmom's birthday...so we went back to Houston on November 12th to take her to lunch for her birthday. My sweet friend made her a cake and I took her some little birthday gifts. We hung out for a bit at the agency and then we went and ate lunch. But before lunch she gave me a CD with pictures from her ultrasound. Here we were celebrating her and yet she was giving us a gift that was priceless.

We had a good lunch and got to know each other better. Its the most surreal experience sitting across from a wonderful girl who is VERY pregnant and has chosen YOU (us) to raise and love her child. It takes my breath away every time I think about what a difficult yet brave choice she made. I'm in awe of our birthmom. My prayer is that one day she will be married and have a sweet family of her own. I will rejoice with her.

After lunch we said our good byes and we knew the next time we would see her would be on DELIVERY DAY...another very surreal moment. We took some pictures and loved on each other and then went our separate ways.

We got in the car to head back to CC and I told Jason "I will not be able to make it home knowing on this CD there are pictures of our little girl." So we went back to the agency and pulled up the pictures on their computer. We printed a few out so we could stare and study our precious bundle while we made our drive back home. I would look at the sono pics for a while...put them down...pick them back up...put them down...and it continued the whole drive home. I just couldn't get enough of those pictures. She was beautiful!!!

We got home and told Jackson that he was going to have a baby sister and he was thrilled. We still had to be cautious and he knew that it was still a possibility that our birthmom could change her mind. He is precious and wanted this little girl so badly...but he also reminded us that it might not happen. Such a hard road for a 5 year old to walk and grasp...but he did it so well. We were not telling THE WHOLE WORLD yet...we were still being very guarded and just kept our eyes on our Heavenly Father.

On Nov 18th, we had our pre placement visit with our social worker @ our house. Everything went fine and we talked a little bit about what the csection day would look like. Our birthmom was scheduled for a csection on Wednesday, Dec 9th. (Her original due date was Dec 14th) Our plan was to be there the day she had the csection and then to be the first ones to hold and see Natalie (this is what our birthmom wanted).

Also on Nov 18th, I made the announcement to my High School girls bible study group. This group of girls had been praying for years for God to bring our child home. They were so pumped!!! I was so excited to see their JOY and TEARS!!! That was one of the greatest moments on our journey.

***In my quiet time that afternoon (18th) I was brought to Luke 1:45 "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Earlier in the month I had felt like God was reassuring me that this little girl was meant to be in our family. But that specific day I was having some massive attack and then I got on my face in the nursery and began reading in Luke 1...and that was the verse that hit me hard!! It was as if God was saying...BELIEVE ME...I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS!!!

One Nov 25th, I got word that Natalie's kidneys were a little swollen but the doctor thought everything would be fine. They said swollen kidneys are very common in little girls and most of the time after birth the kidneys become normal size. We began to pray that everything would be okay and that Natalie Grace would be born healthy...and of course that our birthmom would remain healthy too!

November was a whirlwind!! We were still guarded but had a peace about it as well. We were clinging on every scripture we had read about adoption and we were trusting that this time around a baby would be in our arms.

October-The Call and The Meeting

Tuesday, October 13th 2009 marked 20months of us waiting to be chosen by a birthmom. That morning I woke up and prayed that on this day of waiting that God would bring a birthmom to New Life...and I wrote a 20month blog http://achosentreasure.blogspot.com/2009/10/20-months20-things.html .

I got ready for the day and then went and met Jason for lunch at Bistro D'Asia. We were sitting there and I said "do you know what today is?" He just looked at me with fear because I'm pretty sure he thought he had forgotten our anniversary or my birthday (just joking...he wouldn't ever)! I finally told him..."today marks 2o months of waiting for our child and I am SO ready for the Lord to bring that precious baby home." We talked about it for a little bit and then we knew we needed to change the subject or I would turn into a crying mess right there at the restaurant.

We both headed to work at the church...I needed to do some stuff in my office and Jason and the other element staffers needed to make video...so he headed upstairs to the element room. I went to my office and started checking voice mails. The first message was from our agency...."Hey Lindsey, this is Sara, please call me...." and I hung up the phone and didn't listen to the rest of the message. I called her back and she asked how I was doing...and then she said "Lindsey, y'all have been chosen by a birthmom." My was response was "are you kidding." She wasn't kidding. She began to tell me about our birthmom and why she was deciding to place her child for adoption...our birthmom is amazing and is such a brave woman. I was shaking as she was giving me all the details...trying to soak it all in. It all became real when she told me the due date...Dec 14th...wow that was so close :) We set up a time for us to come to Houston to meet our birthmom...and then just like that...we finally had a CALL that we had been waiting for. My life changed that day!

I called Jason and told him to come downstairs because I had something very important that I needed to tell him...we me in the Connection Room (at church) and I could tell he was a little nervous about what I was about to tell him. I felt like I wanted to cry and jump up and down...it was amazing!!! I told him all the details of my phone call with Sara and that we had been chosen by a birthmom...we both just looked at each other in udder disbelief...and then it totally sunk in...we knew we needed to guard our hearts because there was still a possibility that our birthmom could change her mind (we had already experienced that in May). We decided that we would only tell our close friends and family and that we wanted to walk carefully through these next several months (Oct-Dec).

I went and told Amy to come outside...I just looked at her and she GUESSED...she said did you get the call....YES!!! We jumped up and down, hugged, and cried...and both knew that we needed to be in massive prayer for our little bundle of love to come home...a failed adoption just wasn't an option for our hearts :) Then I tracked down my mom at work...told her to guess...she asked if I was pregnant and I said NO...we got chosen by a birthmom!!! Then I called Mel and told her...she was at Babies R Us in New Mexico...she wanted to scream and yell but she was in public...I still would've loved to see her do the Praise Ya Jesus dance in public :) Then the phone calls started to our dearest friends who we knew would PRAY PRAY PRAY...what an amazing support group God has provided us with.

Then on October 20th we had a prayer time in our nursery with some of our prayer warriors...such a sweet time! We prayed for our baby and for our birthmom...we cried out on their behalf. There were many tears that day...and we pleaded with God that this adoption journey would end with a baby in our arms...please God...please let this story have a happy ending.

On October 26th, we drove to Houston to meet our birthmom...it was such a surreal feeling. We had already done this part before and we had walked a road that we didn't want to walk. We had grown to love our birthmom in May and when that didn't work out we were devastated. The whole time to Houston this time I was praying "God if this isn't suppose to happen then please don't even let her show up...I would rather not even meet her if she isn't really going to place her child with us." My heart was so guarded but yet it was beating so fast.

When we walked in to New Life...I saw her...sitting on the famous New Life couch...there she was...SHE SHOWED UP!!! I wanted to sob but all I could get out was pure excitement...I hugged her and wanted her to feel how much we adored her and loved her...such a powerful moment. We talked for a little bit, got to know each other...and then she told us she was having a little girl...one of the best moments in my life...we were so excited! I asked her if she had picked out a name and she said she did like a name but wanted us to pick what we wanted to name her. I asked her if I could share with her what we would like to name her and she said yes...I told her that we wanted to name her Natalie Grace...she teared up...(I thought oh no, she hates the name) and then she said...That's the name I would have picked if I was going to name her!!! OH MY GOODNESS...tears started flowing!!! Our Natalie Grace was growing in this precious woman's tummy...and she had been chosen to be a Gerdes!!! What a surreal feeling. **Just a side note, in May when we were waiting to see if we were getting a boy or girl I was thinking about changing the girls name we had picked out...which was Natalie...because Natalie means "born at Christmas" and since we were having a May baby I didn't want to name her that...I know...I'm strange!!! So when we found out we were having a girl this time around and that she would be BORN AT CHRISTMAS TIME...well Natalie was just the perfect name for our bundle of love!!!

October was full of emotions...but November and December get even better!!! Check back soon to find out the rest of the details :)

***Also...when you found out we had gotten chosen...what was your response?? I would love to have my prayer warriors views on all the details that happened in October!

SEEING....THEIR FAITH

This morning our Pastor spoke on the paralyzed man in Luke 5 and challenged us to think about the areas in our life that we are paralyzed.

I know my area! Some days I feel like I have FULL range of motion and other days I feel PARALYZED...adoption will challenge every bone, fiber, and muscle you have...and your SOUL!

The verse that really spoke to me was Luke 5:20- "Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the man, "Young man, your sins are forgiven." ***It wasn't the FAITH of the man...it was the FAITH of the men carrying the man.*** My heart was FULL...cause I HAVE friends and family who are carrying me...cause sometimes this journey is paralyzing.

I need THEIR FAITH...cause sometimes I don't have any. I need them to go before the Lord and BEG and plead for our child...cause sometimes I don't have the energy or words. I have a sweet friend who her and her husband have committed to fast and pray specifically for our baby and birthmom/birth family every Tuesday...because of THEIR FAITH.

And I hope because of MY FAITH...that the Lord will do amazing miracles in the lives of my friends...my prayer is that marriages will be saved, a job opportunity will come available, family members will be restored, and that the Lord would grant a dear friend a Godly husband...because of MY FAITH.

All the more reason we as Christ Followers must have a group of people who believe in us, challenge us, love us unconditionally, and have FAITH that God will DO what HE says!!!

***Its Adoption Awareness Month...will you please HAVE FAITH that the Lord will bring our child HOME...and if you know someone else that is adopting...encourage them...share YOUR FAITH with them...they might feel paralyzed...they might need to be carried!

Favor

In April/May when we thought we were going to be bringing home a sweet baby...my prayer was constantly...SHOW FAVOR ON US LORD. We had been waiting for SO SO long and I just knew that it was FINALLY our time. But then the roller coaster ride began...when our birthmom cut off contact with our agency the fear set in.

I continued to plead with the Lord...PLEASE GOD...show us FAVOR!!! Then I got a little angry when that FAVOR wasn't shown. Why did he think we were strong enough to actually go through that type of pain? Where was HE? Why did he even allow us to be chosen if his FAVOR wasn't going to be shown. Oh I was frustrated, sad and I felt abandoned. HE IS GOD...why didn't he SHOW FAVOR to us??

Okay well fast forward 5 months...and my view has drastically changed on the FAVOR of the LORD. The word FAVOR means: friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior, to the benefit of, in support of, to one's advantage.

Just because we are Christ Followers doesn't mean that "good" things are always going to happen to us...the GREATEST thing is that we have salvation...that SHOULD be enough. But how come we feel like the Lord isn't granting us his FAVOR when it doesn't go according to our PLAN. We need to change our view...FAVOR sometimes means that the Lord has to withhold something from us in order to protect us or to provide for us differently than what we had expected. God's favor isn't always wrapped up in a perfect little gift box with a beautiful ribbon on top...some times God's favor is shown as we lay on living room floor, pound our fist and PLEAD with him to WORK THIS SITUATION OUT...and then he doesn't work it out the way WE WANT...but instead he creates something different for us...and in his PERFECT time he reveals it to us.

That's favor!!! FAVOR is the fact that the battle has already been won...technically he doesn't OWE us anything. FAVOR is the fact that he died on a cross...beaten and bruised...ALL FOR ME!!! HELLO LINDSEY GERDES...FAVOR has already been shown!!! Now...I do believe God wants to bless us...he wants to reveal himself to us...but salvation has to be ENOUGH for us...and sometimes...we have to be perfectly okay with the FAVOR that is shown...even if its not what we had originally wanted...he KNOWS what we need...and he LOVES us dearly!

FAVOR people...FAVOR!!!!

TWO QUESTIONS???

Question #1

Why are you and Jason adopting even though you can have children biologically?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

We feel God specifically called our family to take care of orphans...but not just by donating money to a wonderful organization...but by adopting children into our family. As a Christ Follower...I simply feel like for OUR FAMILY (praying for many more families to feel the same way) that adoption is an act of obedience. Jason and I both feel strongly that if we were to say NO to adopting then we would be being disobedient to what the Lord has firmly and lovingly asked us to do. When the Lord burdens your heart for a certain situation or person...my prayer is that you will act on it. Ive NEVER regretted acting upon what the Lord has asked me to do. Adoption is from the Lord and its a gift that he gives his people...its a gift that I want to be a part of.

Question #2

Why are y'all adopting a biracial or African American child? Why not a Caucasian child?

(I'm trying to answer this question in a loving way)

Okay...so get this...we KNOW we are WHITE...and we KNOW its "different" for us to want a child of another race. When the Lord asked us to adopt...not once did we feel called to adopt a child that was white...WHITE CHILDREN need to be adopted...but it was a FIRM calling on our lives to adopt a child of another race. Cant really explain it...except that we feel CALLED/ APPOINTED/ BURDENED/ and IN LOVE with what the Lord has asked to do and we are going to stick with it and trust that his ways are perfect! And seriously...lets not get caught up on the COLOR of SKIN...lets instead get caught up on the fact that this CHILD needs a MOMMY AND DADDY!!! We are very aware that our baby wont LOOK like a Gerdes...I'm very aware that people will stare...but I'm also VERY aware of the way God looks at his children...and how he created us in HIS LIKENESS. Here is my PLEA...please don't make this an issue...PLEASE except it...our child deserves to be treated as a child of GOD...so when you see me at the grocery store, at church, or at school (or any where else)...just smile and PRAISE the LORD for what he has done! Be in awe! Jump up and down! Do the Praise YA Jesus Dance! Buy me cup of coffee and and gift card or diapers...hehehe!!! Just enjoy the blessing!

****Plus...brown babies are pretty stinkin cute :)