Monday, October 6, 2008

Boy or Girl

(I took this picture the other day in Kohl' fever!)

When we first started our adoption journey we wanted a little boy and we were going to name him Nathan. But we quickly realized with our agency that we couldn't pick the gender of our child, we couldn't specify a boy or a girl. At first I was so upset and confused because I really thought we were being called to bring another little boy into our family through adoption. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, reading a letter from New Life, informing me that we couldn't pick the gender of our child. Floods of emotions ran over me.

"Okay God, I thought you wanted us to adopt a boy...and I know you want us to use New WHATS UP." I threw myself a quick pitty party and then just sat there with my head on the table...what was the Lord up to??

Here is where the lesson has been learned. God KNEW that Jackson Gray Gerdes was going to be born to US...Jason and Lindsey. He knew that before Jason and I even conceived that little bundle of joy. We didn't care if we had a boy or girl, we just wanted a HEALTHY, sleep through night, loves people, full of joy, world changer BABY!!! And praise you LORD...even though he is only 4, he changes my world every day and brings JOY to people. God knew.

So with our adoption underway I am trusting, knowing that God still KNOWS!!! Its weird going to Target or cute baby boutiques and really wanting to buy baby stuff and not knowing if I should buy girl or boy clothes. I bet God gets a kick out of me in those stores...."Linds, I know what you will hold." Makes me want to shout for JOY (side note: God if you could just give us a glimpse of what is ours or should I say YOURS).

There aren't any FOR sures when having children biologically or adopting. I couldn't PICK what gender I was going to have...God chose Jackson to be in our family. Just as he has chosen our next baby. Jackson FITS us in every way. I know Nathan and Natalie will FIT as well.

Lord, I Love you! I praise you for adoption. Its such a glorious mystery yet you have it planned out...detail by detail! I am sure you have color coded the WHOLE thing (for those of you who don't know I am an organizational freak). Thank you for being my adoption planner, thank you that I really don't have to have it all under control. You know if we will have a NATHAN or a NATALIE...or BOTH (I mean really at this point...go ahead...give us 2). I LOVE YOU! I mean I really love you! Thank you Jesus! Oh yeah by the way...if you give us 2 will you give us a Nanny as well :)


Molly said...

You crack me up and I don't even know you! Amen to the whole sex thing. So many people ask if we "chose" to have a girl. I think it's so weird that people assume you can choose. Our agency doesn't let you pick either and I think it's so wise! It really does help us to let God work out what He has planned instead of us planning our family (like we like to do!). Know that we are praying for your next little bundle of joy!

elisa said...

Hey girl, I'm so glad I stumble on your blog! It's crazy this adoption world, huh? We have been preparing for a 1 year old and now it's starting to look more like we'll be getting a newborn...hopefully we can complete this journey around the same time!Hope all is well.

Anonymous said...

Hey Lindsey - I just opened my bible to this: Habakkuk 2:1, I will stand at my watch station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint. Just like a guard who waits through his watch with eyes peeled for a sign of movement;, Habakkuk waited for God. So must we!When I read that I thought of you! I can't imagine what it is like to be waiting. We hvae our own timelines that sometimes don't correlate with Gods but he always knows best. I pray God will give you the patience during this time. Love you girl! - chantel