(I took this picture the other day in Kohl's...baby fever!)
When we first started our adoption journey we wanted a little boy and we were going to name him Nathan. But we quickly realized with our agency that we couldn't pick the gender of our child, we couldn't specify a boy or a girl. At first I was so upset and confused because I really thought we were being called to bring another little boy into our family through adoption. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, reading a letter from New Life, informing me that we couldn't pick the gender of our child. Floods of emotions ran over me.
"Okay God, I thought you wanted us to adopt a boy...and I know you want us to use New Life...so WHATS UP." I threw myself a quick pitty party and then just sat there with my head on the table...what was the Lord up to??
Here is where the lesson has been learned. God KNEW that Jackson Gray Gerdes was going to be born to US...Jason and Lindsey. He knew that before Jason and I even conceived that little bundle of joy. We didn't care if we had a boy or girl, we just wanted a HEALTHY, sleep through night, loves people, full of joy, world changer BABY!!! And praise you LORD...even though he is only 4, he changes my world every day and brings JOY to people. God knew.
So with our adoption underway I am trusting, knowing that God still KNOWS!!! Its weird going to Target or cute baby boutiques and really wanting to buy baby stuff and not knowing if I should buy girl or boy clothes. I bet God gets a kick out of me in those stores...."Linds, I know what you will hold." Makes me want to shout for JOY (side note: God if you could just give us a glimpse of what is ours or should I say YOURS).
There aren't any FOR sures when having children biologically or adopting. I couldn't PICK what gender I was going to have...God chose Jackson to be in our family. Just as he has chosen our next baby. Jackson FITS us in every way. I know Nathan and Natalie will FIT as well.
Lord, I Love you! I praise you for adoption. Its such a glorious mystery yet you have it planned out...detail by detail! I am sure you have color coded the WHOLE thing (for those of you who don't know I am an organizational freak). Thank you for being my adoption planner, thank you that I really don't have to wonder...you have it all under control. You know if we will have a NATHAN or a NATALIE...or BOTH (I mean really at this point...go ahead...give us 2). I LOVE YOU! I mean I really love you! Thank you Jesus! Oh yeah by the way...if you give us 2 will you give us a Nanny as well :)