How I feel!

This summer has been a summer of so many emotions. I have enjoyed every bit of time spent with family and friends. I have the most loving, encouraging support group that any one could ask for. My circle of friends...get me...they understand me...they let me be ME. These last 4 months have been HARD...I have changed as a person (some good, some bad)...and my "peeps" have helped me function along the way. Sometimes its just a text that says "Im praying for your birthmom right now," or an unexpected baby gift, or a hug (a squeeze that says...I dont understand but I know God does), or a friend who will let you cry, scream, and watch you throw a fit...or friends who will just sit with you in an empty nursery and dream about the day that it will be filled with a sweet bundle of love! This summer my friends have basically carried me...my family even though 8 hours away have loved me from a far and prayed some of the sweetest prayers.

J and I have had to focus on US and not on the hurt...we are growing together in ways that I am so thankful for. We have enjoyed every minute together...he is the BEST husband and my BEST FRIEND. We have prayed prayers this summer that scare us...but we know God has laid some big things on our hearts...adoption has become so precious to us...we feel like it will be a part of our legacy in some way.

Jackson has been lovable and a hand full...it changes about every 5 minutes. He started Kindergarten and he is growing into a tall handsome little boy. He is smart and tricky and kissing those cute cheeks once he is asleep is one of those bonuses of being his mommy!

I tell you all this to say...my life is wonderful. I have people who love me, I have a Savior who has saved me and reminds me of that salvation EVERY DAY, and I have a family that is priceless! But whew...adoption hurts. I have prayed that the Lord would either take this burden of adoption away or that he would let it burn even deeper in my heart. MY HEART IS BURNING. Jesus is enough for me...but HE is the one that put this in our hearts...so we will keep pursuing HIM as we pursue the calling that he has put on our family.

***Praying for news...and that he would deliver us a special blessing!

My Heros!

Have you ever met a family and walked away and thought..."WOW...I want to be just like them??"

Well I have known the Jackson Family for a little over 5 years and every time I talk with any of them...I just wish they would adopt me too.

They have taken in over 13 children over the years, officially adopted 2, working on adopting three others (who are living with them), have one biological child...and started doing this after only being married for one year...at the age of 22.

I LOVE THIS FAMILY...I love Billy and Clydene (the parents) and I love their kids!!! All the kids know that Mrs Lindsey wants to steal them...but they LOVE where they are...they LOVE their Family. They are crowed in to a 3 bedroom house and I hear NO complaining. They are content with where they are!!!

Last week we found out that Extreme Makeover Home Edition is coming to South Texas. We emailed everyone and their dog for a nomination letter (the deadline was Aug 7th)...now we are just praying that the Lord would show favor and that the Jackson's would get picked.

Although for the most part the Jackson's Home is FULL of joy, several weeks ago they experienced a HUGE loss when their 18month old drowned in a pool...complete devastation. They are still mourning the lost of Baby Howlis but even still Clydene told me the other day "Lindsey I am not stopping." They want to take in any child that needs a home...and I believe they will. But they need MORE space!!!!

Will you please pray for the Jackson Family...pray that the Lord would grant them their request with this new home. And if for some reason he doesn't...well the people in South Texas...we need to step up to the plate and we need to make something happen for this family. This is our chance as a community to really help the hurting and those who pour their lives into children who need a mommy and daddy!

I LOVE THIS FAMILY....my heart is overjoyed when I get to hang with them. They probably think I am crazy...this white girl that always wants to hug and take the kids!!! But my family genuinely LOVES every one of the Jackson's!!! They are FUN, loving, joyful and they LOVE Jesus!!! They are just easy to be around...they are a blessing to know.

Hebrews 11:1

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."

Hello Blog...Nothing New

My BFF told me I needed to update my blog...my response was...there isn't anything new to update!!!!

Our summer has been FULL of being out of town...a really awesome vacation...and an unbelievable Student Camp (Core Week)!!!

Have I ever told you how much I LOVE our student ministry...and I LOVE OUR STUDENTS!!!! They are so full of energy and love for Jesus...they make me want to love Jesus more!!!

So now we are trying to get into a routine...Jacks started Kindergarten last week (he is going to a year round school)...and I am done organizing Core Week so now I have plenty of time to think about our babies (or baby)!!! And all I do is think, think, cry, think, pray, cry, and decorate the nursery.

We are going to paint in a couple of weeks...Amy and Mel (I haven't asked Mel yet so hopefully she will read this and agree to painting)...and then I need to finish the curtains and then we will be pretty much done!

I haven't told many people but we think we are going to change our girls name (if we get a girl)...I just cant seem to fall in love with the name Natalie...I don't think I am ready to share yet but I'm pretty sure there will be a change.

As of now there is NO new news...seriously...whats taking so long!

Please just keep doing some massive praying. God has promised us a child through adoption...I'm ready for him to deliver!!!

To Our Love....

Dear Little One,

You are precious to us. Your daddy and I cant stop thinking, praying, and talking about you. I can't believe that 16 months ago today we went on the "official" waiting list...but the summer of 2005 is when your daddy and I started praying about adoption and how it would look like in our family.

You have been desired for such a long time...our hearts ache to see your face and kiss those sweet little hands.

One of my biggest prayers is that you would know we are your forever family and that we love you with a very powerful love. Also, I pray for your salvation...I want you to experience Jesus' love early on in your life.

I know that they day we see you will be worth the wait. The day you become a Gerdes will be a blessing...so sweet child...I hope you come soon. Our prayer is that your precious birthmom would go to New Life...(today)...we are ready to have you here with us.

We just want you to know...we love you dearly. So does your big brother...he cant wait for you to make your arrival.

Please, some day soon!

I love you baby,
Mommy

Seriously...

...SERIOUSLY...

Do we have to keep waiting? I mean for goodness sakes...what are you trying to teach me,

what are you trying to illuminate in my life...WHAT???

We have trusted you, we have cried out to you, we have obeyed you, we have served you,

we have sacrificed for you....

We have laid down at your feet and begged...we've stood tall and praised...

we have humbled ourselves...

We have called out to you in our distress and we have shouted from the roof tops about your GLORY...we have told people about you, we have shared your truth with others...

We have mourned, grieved, hurt, and been in pain...we have laughed, been overwhelmed, excited, danced the Praise Ya Jesus Dance...

We have learned, we have grown, we have leaned....

We have been grateful and we have been sad...we have been appreciative...

But seriously Lord....just show me...I want ALL OF YOU. NOTHING BUT YOU...

So I will continue to trust, learn, shout for joy, feel pain, laugh, beg, cry, praise, wait, sacrifice, lay at your feet, obey and serve...and if all it gets me is MORE OF YOU...then, well...

THIS JOURNEY WILL BE SERIOUSLY WORTH IT!!!!

Im Okay...

...I think.

Today I said about a million times to people....Yes, I am doing okay.

And I really have felt OKAY...since Saturday.

Sunday morning was hard...I had to pull myself out of bed but I made it to church. Kika sang an amazing song and I just cried my eyes out in element...but then I was OKAY.

Monday was fabulous...we went sailing...and I was with friends who love me...and I was OKAY.

Tuesday I went to work...needed to face my real life...and I was so surprise that when people asked me how I was...well I didnt cry...and I was OKAY!!!!

And then today, Wednesday...I was at work again...with people who love me...and I was OKAY.

But right now...Im sad! I want our child to be home soon. I got home from work and started catching up on some people's emails and blogs...so many of our friends are traveling to get their babies, getting referrals, or PREGNANT. Im SO EXCITED for them...I mean so pumped. But I want to be in their shoes (maybe not the pregnant friends...I love you...but I have been there and done that). I want that phone call...the REAL CALL...the one where it will lead to some babies in my arms...or baby :)

But still...as I write this and Jacks is banging away on his drums...You know what...Im okay.

Im still sad...but I am okay. I seriously believe that God has this all under control...thats not just something I am telling others about this process...I BELIEVE IT IN MY CORE. Im going to be okay...infact...I am going to be WONDERFUL.

Our nursery will have a baby in it soon...and our car seat will be used...and all the diapers will eventually be thrown away...GOD IS IN CONTROL...and yes...I will be okay!

Please keep praying...