Every holiday or special day since we started our adoption has been bitter sweet.
The first "special day" I remember, after we had completed our homestudy and we were "officially" done with the paper work, was Mother's Day. I remember sitting in our church service that Sunday thinking "what an amazing Mother's Day present, to get chosen by a birthmom." Didnt happen :(
I remember on Father's Day, thinking the same for Jason..."what an amazing Father's Day present." Didnt happen :(
Then birthdays in August and September...."oh what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(
November....Adoption Month..."what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(
Thanksgiving and Christmas...."please Lord give us the most amazing gift and let us get chosen by a birthmom so we can bring our baby home." Didnt happen :(
Mine and Jason's 7yr Anniversary...."Please Jesus....this would be the best anniversary present ever!" Didnt happen :(
February...."marks one year of our homestudy being complete, what an amazing gift...Please Lord." Didnt happen :(
April..."Lord, what an amazing Easter Present...if we were chosen by a birthmom."
And right here at my kitchen table as I begged that of Jesus...he reminded me that HE IS ENOUGH....HE is my Savior...HE ROSE AGAIN...AND He is my PORTION!!!
His timing is perfect and planned out! He rose 3 days after he hung on a cross for ME...I think he has this covered...and he WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!!
I love you Jesus. I am confused and frustrated but I have chosen JOY in this time of suffering.
For I know what I am going through here on this earth is nothing compared to what you did for me on the cross. You oh Lord, will make a way...when there seems to be no way.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Protecting His Mom
Look at how I found Jackson last night....
Jason is out of town, California again, so its just me and Jacks!!! So Jacks is sleeping with his light saber to protect his mom!!!
I am so crazy about this little boy.
Even though he has been in all day preK this year, I am already dreading kindergarten. I'm so sad that he is actually starting REAL school. I told my BFF today that it even made me want to homeschool him just so he wouldn't leave....she totally looked at me like I was crazy. She knows me way to well and knows my child way to well.
Speaking of school...I gotta go pick up my little bundle of love!!!
Jason is out of town, California again, so its just me and Jacks!!! So Jacks is sleeping with his light saber to protect his mom!!!
I am so crazy about this little boy.
Even though he has been in all day preK this year, I am already dreading kindergarten. I'm so sad that he is actually starting REAL school. I told my BFF today that it even made me want to homeschool him just so he wouldn't leave....she totally looked at me like I was crazy. She knows me way to well and knows my child way to well.
Speaking of school...I gotta go pick up my little bundle of love!!!
Monday, April 6, 2009
If We got the call today...
...then I would first ask Sara or Cindy if they were serious...if they were serious then I would feel my heart jumping out of my chest!!!
I would then call my mom and dad and share the news, then I would call the list of faithful friends and family...Ive already told them that they will NOT find out about us being chosen by a birth mom via email, txt, or facebook!
Then depending upon how far a long our birth mom is and/or if we know the sex of the baby...I would start getting prepared to bring our little bundle of love HOME!!!
I would feel motivated to get the nursery done and I would buy a cute, adorable baby sling (in fact I might do that before we even get the call).
I would honestly be a basket case...but a JOYFUL excited basket case!!! I might even wear a t-shirt around town that says...I am pregnant and due in _____ months! What if it only was two months until our birth mom was due and I am walking around town with a t-shirt that says "I am pregnant and due in 2 months." People would think I was the smallest pregnant lady ever...I was FAT with Jacks so I deserve to feel skinny and pregnant!
I would go get Jackson out of school early to tell him the news! And I would make sure that we video taped it! I want to capture his response.
I would cry, freak out in a good way, shout it from the roof tops, and do my "Praise Ya Jesus Dance." I just cant even explain to you the JOY!!!
**Lord you know we are willing and ready! Could you PLEASE make a miracle happen SOON!!! You oh Lord, will get ALL the GLORY!!!!
I would then call my mom and dad and share the news, then I would call the list of faithful friends and family...Ive already told them that they will NOT find out about us being chosen by a birth mom via email, txt, or facebook!
Then depending upon how far a long our birth mom is and/or if we know the sex of the baby...I would start getting prepared to bring our little bundle of love HOME!!!
I would feel motivated to get the nursery done and I would buy a cute, adorable baby sling (in fact I might do that before we even get the call).
I would honestly be a basket case...but a JOYFUL excited basket case!!! I might even wear a t-shirt around town that says...I am pregnant and due in _____ months! What if it only was two months until our birth mom was due and I am walking around town with a t-shirt that says "I am pregnant and due in 2 months." People would think I was the smallest pregnant lady ever...I was FAT with Jacks so I deserve to feel skinny and pregnant!
I would go get Jackson out of school early to tell him the news! And I would make sure that we video taped it! I want to capture his response.
I would cry, freak out in a good way, shout it from the roof tops, and do my "Praise Ya Jesus Dance." I just cant even explain to you the JOY!!!
**Lord you know we are willing and ready! Could you PLEASE make a miracle happen SOON!!! You oh Lord, will get ALL the GLORY!!!!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
A Joyful Sufferer
If you don't live in Corpus Christi and/or you missed our Bay Area Fellowship 1st Wednesday Worship service...well then...you MISSED out on powerful worship and amazing teaching!!!
Last night my soul was so carried away by how WONDERFUL my heavenly Father is and yet how much I still have to learn about his suffering for me on the cross.
My sweet husband brought the message last night and the communion...and I did my baptist head nod and said Amen under my breath the entire time he spoke. I know others learned and were challenged...but honestly...I think our Creator gave Jason those words for his wife...for me!!! God knew I needed to hear MY MAN teach me these promises...and if we were at home and Jason would have given me this message, I probably would have discounted the heaviness of it. And that message last night was HEAVY!!!
I'm gonna set the stage:
We had just finished singing "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (our fabulous Lauren sang it like an angel).
Jason walked on to stage and he challenged us to decide if we REALLY believe in the song we had just sung. LEAD ME TO THE CROSS...what happened on that cross...our precious Savior adopted us RIGHT THERE with blood shed...he died for our sins...our failures, our short comings, our selfish desires...and it happened on the CROSS!!! A cross that we were just begging to be led to.
Then he went on to point out the suffering of the cross and yet the JOY that the Lover of Our Souls still had for us. He suffered for us but was joyful through the suffering. When Jason began making these statements...that's when my heart began to break and be crushed. I DON'T SUFFER WITH JOY...I SUFFER WITH COMPLAINTS AND AN UGLY ATTITUDE!!!!!! This walk with Christ isn't suppose to be easy, there is NO where in scripture where it says "follow me to the cross, live your life for me and you will lead an easy life."
Our family has been suffering for the last several years (might not seem a big deal to others but feels huge to us), I cant explain the pain we feel not having our child HERE. Suffering is simply not FUN! And I have to admit I haven't had much joy when it comes to suffering.
But there can be JOY in suffering, there can be comfort and healing. And this morning during my quiet time the Lord illuminated even more details to me about being a JOYFUL sufferer.
After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied. Isaiah 53:11
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Cor. 1:5
Our suffering will eventually lead us to satisfaction and comfort...but we have to suffer NOW to get to that point...and we can let JOY overflow from our hearts during the process. If our true and ultimate desire is to be like Christ...then we have to be led to the cross...in joy! If while we are on our journey of pursuing Christ and we become discouraged and live without joy then that is an invitation for the enemy to come in and steal our progress we are making.
Do not yield to discouragement no matter how severely stressed or surrounded by problems you may be. The very instant you wholeheartedly turn away from every symptom of discouragement and lack of trust, the blessed Holy Spirit will reawaken your faith and breathe God's devine strength into your soul. (taken from Streams in the Dessert, April 2nd)
All this to say...God is entrusting our family with this journey of adoption...and I haven't had the JOY that I should've had. My attitude sometimes probably hasn't attracted others to adopt...who wants to travel this road of adoption and be complaining the whole time!!! YUCK!!!
This adoption has taught me MORE then I could have EVER EVER EVER imagined. And now it is teaching me to have JOY even though we don't have our baby in our arms. But we do have God's promise that he WILL bless us with a child through adoption. That is MY PROMISE from him! And I am going to cling to that promise with JOY...even on the days that I feel a deep suffering!!!!
From this point on, I am determined......I will be a JOYFUL Sufferer!
(I might need reminding at times!!!!)
Last night my soul was so carried away by how WONDERFUL my heavenly Father is and yet how much I still have to learn about his suffering for me on the cross.
My sweet husband brought the message last night and the communion...and I did my baptist head nod and said Amen under my breath the entire time he spoke. I know others learned and were challenged...but honestly...I think our Creator gave Jason those words for his wife...for me!!! God knew I needed to hear MY MAN teach me these promises...and if we were at home and Jason would have given me this message, I probably would have discounted the heaviness of it. And that message last night was HEAVY!!!
I'm gonna set the stage:
We had just finished singing "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (our fabulous Lauren sang it like an angel).
Jason walked on to stage and he challenged us to decide if we REALLY believe in the song we had just sung. LEAD ME TO THE CROSS...what happened on that cross...our precious Savior adopted us RIGHT THERE with blood shed...he died for our sins...our failures, our short comings, our selfish desires...and it happened on the CROSS!!! A cross that we were just begging to be led to.
Then he went on to point out the suffering of the cross and yet the JOY that the Lover of Our Souls still had for us. He suffered for us but was joyful through the suffering. When Jason began making these statements...that's when my heart began to break and be crushed. I DON'T SUFFER WITH JOY...I SUFFER WITH COMPLAINTS AND AN UGLY ATTITUDE!!!!!! This walk with Christ isn't suppose to be easy, there is NO where in scripture where it says "follow me to the cross, live your life for me and you will lead an easy life."
Our family has been suffering for the last several years (might not seem a big deal to others but feels huge to us), I cant explain the pain we feel not having our child HERE. Suffering is simply not FUN! And I have to admit I haven't had much joy when it comes to suffering.
But there can be JOY in suffering, there can be comfort and healing. And this morning during my quiet time the Lord illuminated even more details to me about being a JOYFUL sufferer.
After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied. Isaiah 53:11
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Cor. 1:5
Our suffering will eventually lead us to satisfaction and comfort...but we have to suffer NOW to get to that point...and we can let JOY overflow from our hearts during the process. If our true and ultimate desire is to be like Christ...then we have to be led to the cross...in joy! If while we are on our journey of pursuing Christ and we become discouraged and live without joy then that is an invitation for the enemy to come in and steal our progress we are making.
Do not yield to discouragement no matter how severely stressed or surrounded by problems you may be. The very instant you wholeheartedly turn away from every symptom of discouragement and lack of trust, the blessed Holy Spirit will reawaken your faith and breathe God's devine strength into your soul. (taken from Streams in the Dessert, April 2nd)
All this to say...God is entrusting our family with this journey of adoption...and I haven't had the JOY that I should've had. My attitude sometimes probably hasn't attracted others to adopt...who wants to travel this road of adoption and be complaining the whole time!!! YUCK!!!
This adoption has taught me MORE then I could have EVER EVER EVER imagined. And now it is teaching me to have JOY even though we don't have our baby in our arms. But we do have God's promise that he WILL bless us with a child through adoption. That is MY PROMISE from him! And I am going to cling to that promise with JOY...even on the days that I feel a deep suffering!!!!
From this point on, I am determined......I will be a JOYFUL Sufferer!
(I might need reminding at times!!!!)
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Our Jacks!!!
This blog has mainly been about our adoption! Well...we also have another Chosen Treasure in our family...our 5 year old Jackson! The most precious little 5 year old!!!!
I wanted to share some crazy things he has said lately.....
I wanted to share some crazy things he has said lately.....
- We are trying to get him to stop sucking his thumb....not fun! He has a blankie...and if he has his blankie then he will suck his thumb. Jason hid the blankie and then went to California for a conference. Jackson and I were laying in bed one night and he said..."Here's the deal, if dad doesn't give me my blankie back he will have a choice, either I will call the police and he will go to jail, or he can go to time out, or he will get a spanking." I was laughing so hard!!!! But he was SO serious!!!!!
- The other day we were driving home from church and I asked him if he would snuggle with me while we watched the movie Bolt. In a very serious voice he said...."mom, not today, I will snuggle with you tomorrow when I get home from school." This might not be funny to some...but my child is a PLANNER. Ive joked that he needs a Franklin Covey planner...he gets this planning quality from his wonderful mother :) But I have ruined him....he now has to schedule me in!!!! UH!!!!!!
- Monday I was getting him ready for school. We were running late cause we all slept in :) I was telling him over and over again...come on Jacks, HURRY up!!! Hurry!!!! He said "Mom, don't panic...I will be ready!" Its the way he says these things...its SO funny. Jason and I just look at each other and try to hold in the laughter!
We love love love this little boy! He is the apple of our eye and he keeps us rolling at all times!
Sweet Love
Oh Precious Child,
My heart is longing to see your face. I cant even begin to explain how this journey has changed me, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But my heart is at the point where it needs a miracle! I am praying today that your precious birth mom would go to New Life, meet with the sweet ladies there, and if adoption is her option...that she would see our profile and desire to place you in our home. Oh sweet child, we are ready for you.
I cant believe we have been waiting this long to see your face...you must be a blessing, a blessing I could have never imagined. I'm ready to see your toes and fingers. I'm ready to see your precious eyes and little nose. I'm ready to show you off to all the wonderful people who have been praying diligently for you...for so long! There is a saying...It takes a village to raise a child...well God has blessed us with the most amazing "village." They are all so ready to love on you and show you that you BELONG here!!! I cant wait to see their faces when they see the child they have been praying for...what a glorious day that will be.
I feel like I have prayed EVERY prayers imaginable for you...health, quick bonding, your birth mom and all the emotions she will feel, that you will feel loved, for Jackson to be an amazing big brother....oh how the list goes on and on!
Here lately...our prayer has been...bring our child home quickly, Lord. We want you to become a Gerdes and know the power of Christ's Love! Adoption SAVED the World....its the most powerful act of Love that any man has ever shown. We feel such an honor and privilege to make you our own through adoption. You are OUR child, you will be loved as if I gave birth to you. You don't EVER have to wonder if we are passionate about you...we are! You don't ever have to wonder if we will provide for you...we will! You don't ever have to wonder if we love you...we do! FOREVER!!!!
You were created with a purpose! And you were created for our family. What an amazing gift!
We will always be thankful for your precious birth mom...she chose life! We will love her and pray for her daily. She is a gift to our family. My prayer is that we will have an amazing relationship with her.
Sweet love, we are ready to see you! Please come home soon! My heart is heavy today...I'm ready to meet you! You are loved so much by your forever family!
Mommy
My heart is longing to see your face. I cant even begin to explain how this journey has changed me, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But my heart is at the point where it needs a miracle! I am praying today that your precious birth mom would go to New Life, meet with the sweet ladies there, and if adoption is her option...that she would see our profile and desire to place you in our home. Oh sweet child, we are ready for you.
I cant believe we have been waiting this long to see your face...you must be a blessing, a blessing I could have never imagined. I'm ready to see your toes and fingers. I'm ready to see your precious eyes and little nose. I'm ready to show you off to all the wonderful people who have been praying diligently for you...for so long! There is a saying...It takes a village to raise a child...well God has blessed us with the most amazing "village." They are all so ready to love on you and show you that you BELONG here!!! I cant wait to see their faces when they see the child they have been praying for...what a glorious day that will be.
I feel like I have prayed EVERY prayers imaginable for you...health, quick bonding, your birth mom and all the emotions she will feel, that you will feel loved, for Jackson to be an amazing big brother....oh how the list goes on and on!
Here lately...our prayer has been...bring our child home quickly, Lord. We want you to become a Gerdes and know the power of Christ's Love! Adoption SAVED the World....its the most powerful act of Love that any man has ever shown. We feel such an honor and privilege to make you our own through adoption. You are OUR child, you will be loved as if I gave birth to you. You don't EVER have to wonder if we are passionate about you...we are! You don't ever have to wonder if we will provide for you...we will! You don't ever have to wonder if we love you...we do! FOREVER!!!!
You were created with a purpose! And you were created for our family. What an amazing gift!
We will always be thankful for your precious birth mom...she chose life! We will love her and pray for her daily. She is a gift to our family. My prayer is that we will have an amazing relationship with her.
Sweet love, we are ready to see you! Please come home soon! My heart is heavy today...I'm ready to meet you! You are loved so much by your forever family!
Mommy
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
A Cat on the Prowl....
...yep thats what I feel like! I feel like a momma cat....just waiting to give birth. We had a cat growing up, her name was Callie. Sweet cat...but she got pregnant ALL THE TIME!!!! As soon as she would pop out one litter she was already prego with another one. A Skanky cat :)
Okay so I am not calling myself a skanky cat....but Callie would roam around the house the week prior to her giving birth...and she just couldn't get settled. She would lay down for a bit and then walk around, scratch stuff, bathe herself...she just COULDN'T BE STILL. And btw that cat ALWAYS had her kittens in MY CLOSET.
***I promise this post has a point!
I can NOT get settled! The moment I lay down I think of one more thing to add to my "before we get the call" list. I'm telling you...I think I might be going looney!!!!
And its the little things...that don't really matter that have me all in a tizzy! I'm driving myself crazy...and my poor hubby!
Tonight I had a freak out because our shrubs in front of our house are TOO tall...who cares...well obviously I did...UH!!!!
I know life doesn't STOP once we get a baby...but I want to have things all in order (as much as I can).
I'm just saying...if your husband isn't busy this weekend...well send him over to my house to help my husband with the honey do list. This list is getting longer and longer...cause I am a CAT ON THE PROWL!!!
***Maybe this post doesnt have a point!!! But I just had to get it off my chest!!!!
Okay so I am not calling myself a skanky cat....but Callie would roam around the house the week prior to her giving birth...and she just couldn't get settled. She would lay down for a bit and then walk around, scratch stuff, bathe herself...she just COULDN'T BE STILL. And btw that cat ALWAYS had her kittens in MY CLOSET.
***I promise this post has a point!
I can NOT get settled! The moment I lay down I think of one more thing to add to my "before we get the call" list. I'm telling you...I think I might be going looney!!!!
And its the little things...that don't really matter that have me all in a tizzy! I'm driving myself crazy...and my poor hubby!
Tonight I had a freak out because our shrubs in front of our house are TOO tall...who cares...well obviously I did...UH!!!!
I know life doesn't STOP once we get a baby...but I want to have things all in order (as much as I can).
I'm just saying...if your husband isn't busy this weekend...well send him over to my house to help my husband with the honey do list. This list is getting longer and longer...cause I am a CAT ON THE PROWL!!!
***Maybe this post doesnt have a point!!! But I just had to get it off my chest!!!!
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