Oh YES I will park here!!!!!

Last week Jason and I were out doing some Christmas shopping. We had to go to Toys R Us and of course it was a mad house. All the parking spots were full EXCEPT for the two parking spots up front that say "STORK PARKING/ EXPECTANT MOTHERS." I told Jason to park there and he said, "Linds, you aren't expecting...that would be wrong." OH BULL...I am too expecting...I have been expecting for THREE very LONG years...but officially PREGNANT for OVER A YEAR...HECK YES I AM EXPECTING!!!! Since he was driving and he is the boss of our family (I wish I would have been driving) we did NOT park in the "Expectant Mothers" parking spot.

And my heart ached SO BAD...I am expecting...no I am not physically growing a human in my tummy but I have been developing a love for a child for so long that there are days I FEEL PHYSICALLY PREGNANT...and I think I should be able to park in the "EM" parking SPOT...and I WILL when I go back in a couple of weeks to order our NEW baby bed. I will park there and I will park there WITH NO shame. And if you don't think its "right" for me to park there, well then don't leave a comment on my blog! Cause I WILL park there...and I WILL TAKE A PICTURE!!!! I AM EXPECTING...I am expecting God to DELIVER (haha...totally intended that pun) what HE has promised...and HE asked us to adopt...OH YES...I AM EXPECTING!!!!!

(You must read the last paragraph of this post with some humor...and HORMONES!!!!)

From an EXPECTING MOMMY :)

Love you all!

No Card!!!

Last Christmas I remember being so excited about THIS CHRISTMAS. I just knew we would already have our baby home with us. So, although I have enjoyed this Christmas with my family...I have to tell you there has been a bitter sweet feeling this season. I wanted to celebrate Nat(i)e's first Christmas this year...I wanted to have a sweet bundle of JOY wrapped in my arms but unfortunately that hasn't happened. YET!!!!

Last year...well I didn't do a Christmas card because I was so excited to send out birth announcements and I am cheap so I didn't want to spend the money on postage for Christmas cards AND Birth Announcements...well I did the same this year! Friends are probably wondering...but I AM SAVING MY POSTAGE FOR BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENTS! So weird...but I just can't put "The Gerdes Family" on the Christmas Card...we are missing someone for the picture. I cant wait for that day...can you even imagine that sweet little coco love bug next to the sweet little vanilla 4 year old we already have. What an adorable picture that will be!!!

All I wanted for Christmas was a healthy baby...maybe my Christmas will come later!!!

One Year Ago today....

....We drove to Houston to meet with our adoption agency, for the first time. Jason and I pulled up to NEW LIFE and I felt like I was going to throw up...I was so nervous. Jason and I sat in the parking lot and he prayed over this journey that we were beginning.

Our meeting went wonderfully...Jason and I had so many light bulb moments sitting in Cindy's office. We were there for several hours and when we left we felt more educated in the area of adoption and we knew we were making the right decision by using New Life.

I remember leaving the agency and crying, my heart already yearning to receive a child. Little did I know...I wasn't ready to receive a child then. God has had to do a lot of breaking and molding on my heart, that's why the "wait" is such a learning experience. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

After our meeting with the agency we began ALL of our paper work...I worked so hard to get all of it done REALLY FAST.

And well....we are done with everything we need to be done with...and we are just waiting on the call. A call that will forever change our lives. A call that will tell us we have been chosen.

So, today marks ONE YEAR.

Random Thoughts...

I don't know why we haven't been chosen....I mean I do know why...it hasn't been God's timing but oh my goodness....COME ON!!!!!

I am on a roller coaster ride...it was SO fun at the beginning but I am getting a little sick to my stomach now. Don't get me wrong, I am still learning every day, still trusting everyday....but I am ready to get off the roller coaster ride and then look back and go...WOW that was FUN...and I want to do it again.

Jackson and I went to Target tonight and he totally cracked me up about how he thought all the baby stuff was "SO CUTE." He wants his baby brother or sister...or both....to be the best dressed child EVER. He told me last night, "Mom, I am really ready to be a big brother." And he is thrilled.

Jason is ready to be a daddy...again. I know that when he sees our precious treasure he will be filled with so many emotions. I can't wait for him to hold our gift in his arms, that will be one of the most wonderful moments for me. I love the way he looks when he is holding a baby...something totally dreamy about him.

I am getting ready to be a mommy again...the emotions I have are so deep and so strong, I sometimes want to break out in a song and do a little jig. I can't even believe that God loves me so much that he is going to give us another child. Children really are a reward!!!

My family is ready for this precious baby. Mom and I almost couldn't help ourselves the day after Thanksgiving...we wanted to shop for a baby so bad. I showed her outfits that she HAD to get once we find out if we are getting a boy or girl...they were MUST HAVES...I'm serious!

My friends...oh how precious they are. They have literally GOTTEN ON THE ROLLER COASTER with me!!! I am forever thankful for how they have been devoted to pray for our family, our baby, and our birthmom.

My heart aches daily for our birthmom, we don't know her yet, but I can't wait to talk to her. My dear, sweet, precious, really hottt, best friend....told me tonight..."Linds I wish you could do a phone interview with the birthmom's that are looking at your profile." I know why she said that....when I start talking about our birthmom, my heart is OVERFLOWING with JOY. I CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET THIS WOMAN...I can not wait to see her face, touch her skin, love on her, pray over her, touch her belly (okay so maybe not all of these things will happen...she is going to think I am crazy). I just simply cant wait to express LOVE and GRATITUDE to her. She is BRAVE, COURAGEOUS, SPECIAL, and if she chooses...she will ALWAYS be a part of our family.

This morning I felt the Lord telling me..."Linds, your family's time is coming." I hope I heard that right and that it wasn't my imagination.

Oh my heart is leaping with pure excitement...I cant wait to change diapers, get up in the middle of the night to do feedings (uh...Jason...help), I cant wait to hear that precious cry, I cant wait to have a baby in the house again....oh help me Jesus. I am going to remind myself of this post....at 3:30am when sweet baby ISN'T SLEEPING.

Lord, you hear me...you know my hearts desire. You know that I wanted to adopt from early on in my life and its been a journey to get me HERE...and I love you MORE today than I ever thought possible. Bring our child home, please. I pray for your protection over the baby, the health of the baby and the health of the birthmom. I give you all the glory!!! Thank you for adoption. Thank you for adopting me, thank you for making me your own, thank you for letting me be your chosen treasure. I owe my life to you!

Not my Plan! But Yours!!

Have you ever planned your whole day...just the way you like it...then out of right field something happens and ALL YOUR plans are thrown by the waste side.

I'm totally there right now. I had it all figured out in my HEAD how our whole entire adoption journey was going to be played out. But God is doing something new and fresh in me...I'm scared to death but I love that HE KNOWS what I can handle.

November is Adoption Awareness Month. I have been challenged this month in my thinking about adoption...James 1:27 is SO clear...look after orphans and widows in their DISTRESS. It doesn't say...look after orphans and widows who are perfect, have it all together, healthy, look like you, smell like you, act like you, same color as you...NO...it says in their DISTRESS care for them. Haven't we all been in distress at some point...and haven't we all desired to be cared for.

I am challenging myself and my heart (and brain) to be more concerned with the orphans and widows than "what I want my family to look like." What will you do...will you care for orphans and widows? What if they are in distress?? Will you still care??


***Obviously I want our child to be healthy...I'm not saying I am not going to continue to pray for our baby to be a healthy child...I just want us to think about the DISTRESS part of that verse.

Feeling Better

Hey Blogging World!! Well I am finally feeling better. After all the test were done...I don't have anything life threatening...just cluster headaches. God is SO good!!!! Stress might be what causes Cluster Headaches...so I am going to learn to CHILL OUT. I know my family and friends will appreciate that. I still want to post about something God taught me while lying on my back, unable to do anything! But...I will have to do it later.

Please pray that the cluster headaches DON'T come back....they can be reoccurring. Also, please keep praying for the strength to continue on this adoption journey. It is emotionally draining...I need an extra dose of Gods grace, mercy, and strength!

Clusters of Babies...not aches!!!

This week has NOT been fun!!! I know this blog is about our adoption but our family is needing prayer right now.

Last Thursday I began having really bad headaches that continued until Monday morning and I couldn't take it anymore so Jason took me to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed me with Cluster Headaches. Its a severe debilitating headache behind my eye and temple and the pain shoots down into my neck and shoulder. They did blood work on Tuesday and an MRI on Wednesday. We have been trying to find something that would relieve the pressure and pain and I think, after 4 different meds, that we have finally found something...but its been a whole week with severe blinding pain. We hope to get the results back from the blood work and MRI on Monday. These cluster headaches are worse then anything I have ever experienced. Please be praying that we get good results on Monday, that the meds will continue to work, and that my blurry vision in my right eye would clear up! My mom flew here and is helping Jason with Jackson, please pray for Jason as he is doing all of the jobs I normally do along with everything else he has on his plate.

Also, please continue to pray for the adoption. God is so amazing at his timing and we are trusting in HIS amazing truths! God's been teaching me this last week, while I have been laying on my back, about how faithful he is! I want to share some of those things but that will have to be another post!!!

By the way...the best thing that happened this week is that my blog got a NEW LOOK!!! I love it!

Love you all