A Chosen Treasure

Giving Thanks...

2011-11-17T13:09:00.003-05:00

I am amazed daily at how beautifully detailed our God is and how passionately He loves His children. Today as I drove home from Natalie's Thanksgiving Feast, my eyes filled with tears because of blessing we have be given. Two Thanksgiving's ago she was still all nestled in her birthmother's womb...and now she is wearing pigtails, wearing adorable gold boots and is SO sassy!!

Words can't express how deeply appreciative I am that God saw fit to have her be placed in our family. He didn't have to bless us with her, His SON is enough of a blessing, but HE did and my heart swells daily due to His provision.

Sweet friend, I don't know what circumstance you are facing...but I do know that God always provides for His children. The holidays we spent without Natalie...don't compare to the holidays we spend with her! Jesus' way is ALWAYS the best! Give thanks right now...Praise Him because He is GOOD and His love ENDURES forever.

ROOTS...

2011-07-29T20:14:00.006-04:00

Several weeks ago at church Jason preached on "Relational Roots" and how important relationships with other believers are in our spiritual growth. Ever since that sermon I have been reflecting A LOT on my "ROOTS" and the JOY it brings to do LIFE with people who LOVE Jesus and LOVE me, with me returning the same love!

One of the statements Jason made was "get all up in your soil." Meaning that there will be times when one of your relational roots will have to point out something IN YOU that isn't benefiting the Kingdom or yourself. The key is those relationships are built on JESUS, with lots of give and take...with lots of encouragement...with lots of FUN MOMENTS...so that way when your "root" speaks some TRUTH over your life, you can receive it. Sometimes it will be painful and sometimes it will be freeing...and if we receive it, then it will be beneficial to our spiritual growth.

I'm in a season of life/ministry that is MORE than I could have ever imagined. I am OVERWHELMED DAILY (in a great way) at the amount of ministry God has entrusted to Jason and me. I don't take it lightly, the calling HE has on my life. Ministry can be VERY lonely at times...especially when your husband is the "boss", Lead Pastor. But this is what I know for sure...GOD, in his PERFECT LOVE FOR ME has blessed me with relational roots that I simply am not worthy of, yet he saw fit to give me. These are women who pour their hearts out to God...ON MY BEHALF! They encourage me, love me, hold my arms up when I am too weary to go on, they go to coffee with me and chat about nothing yet its everything, they work out with me (they tell me I need to work out), they shop with me, they watch my kids, they memorize scripture with me (they ask me if I have been in God's word), they worship alongside of me, they call at the right moments, they discern how to minister to my family, they hug me, they go to the movies with me (even movies they would rather not see), they celebrate highs and cry in the lows...they are my roots...they are tangible Jesus' here on earth...and THEY GET ALL UP IN MY SOIL!!!! And then they give me the opportunity to "dig in their soil." We do LIFE together!

I know what you might be thinking, of course you have amazing roots...you are in ministry. HA! There have been times over my 12 years of ministry that I have NOT had amazing roots...and in those moments I begged God for TRUE friendships...and over the last several years he has brought a harvest out of those moments of tears! Friendships are priceless. Im thankful MORE today than ever before for the women that God has placed alongside of me to run this Christian race with. I feel honored to call them my "relational roots!"

The End of School...

2011-05-26T14:49:00.003-04:00

This week is the end of school for our 1st grader, Jackson! To say that I am emotional would be an understatement, I have loved his 1st grade year! His teacher is simply priceless and his friends are fantastic. But the main reason I get misty eyed at the end of school is because I reflect back on the day Jackson was placed in my arms...the day I became his mommy! The day God said "Here, this is a gift, teach him well." Jackson is an amazing child, loves life, loves people and loves Jesus. He also has the BEST one liners...and some of the funniest questions.

I wish I could record how he asks questions and makes statements...because his tone is what really cracks me up when he talks...its just SO to the point. **No idea where he gets that??? :)

The other day him and I were at Target and we got drinks from Starbucks, I told him, "Jax, we are on a date together, thanks for spending time with me." He said, "yeah well I'm not enjoying it!" BUT his look on his face said it all...he was totally joking! Love him!

One day we were driving past a local church and he asked me, "Mom, how many services does that church have." I looked on their church sign and then told him they had two services. He said, "well that's just WEIRD!" Jax has only known church to have 4-6 services...so to him a church who only had two services was just weird! **Not to offend any one who attends or is on staff at church with two services...please don't take it the wrong way!

He is just an honest, funny, kind little boy...who LOVES to joke with his momma!

I was at his school this week and a teacher came up to me and said, "Are you Jackson G.'s mom?" I told her yes I was :) She said, "I watch him on the playground and he is always making sure that no one is left out and is always sharing. He is so kind!" Melt my heart!

As we were driving home today from school (2nd to last day), I was listening to Hillsong and silently praying over Jackson. My prayer was this, "Lord, yes I want him to know how to read, to have great Math skills, to be great at Science and History...but LORD please above all else...I want him TO KNOW YOU. I know 2+2=4 is important but your Freedom is Life and I desire him to KNOW you! I love it when he makes an A but Satan shutters when he memorizes your scripture...so Lord please help me to continue to TEACH him YOUR truth!"

No sooner than I had said "Amen", from the back seat I heard, "Mom, you're lame." I had told him that he couldn't go down to the neighbors house when we got home...so as I was praying for his heart...he was pondering how lame I am! I laughed and said, "um child...I was just praying silently over you"...to which he smiled and said "thank you!" The kids KNOWS he needs prayer!

Jackson Gray I love you sweet boy! You are a blessing to so many. God's hand is on you, he is with you where ever you go...I'm thankful that Daddy and I have a front row seat to your life journey! We simply want you to LOVE Jesus and walk in his FREEDOM! You are a chosen treasure...and loved dearly :)

Adoption & Coaching through my DADs eyes!

2010-12-15T09:34:00.000-05:00

My dad has been a coach for my WHOLE LIFE and he recently retired. He now works for a company called ProMaxima and part of his job is to encourage around 4,000 coaches monthly. Here is an email he sent out this week...he shared our story of adoption! We could have NEVER walked this journey of adoption if we our families weren't SO supportive. Thank you Gaddis' and Gerdes'! Love you all!

A LIFE CHANGED

This past Friday I witnessed a life changing experience......
here's the story:

When my daughter was in junior high.....each night, before going to bed, she requested that our family adopt a baby. We had our hands full with the two we had and told her one day when she was old enough she could do that.

Her passion and dream for that to happen came true last year. Lindsey and her husband Jason waited 18 months and, finally, on December 5, 2009 Natalie Grace was born. What a blessing she has been this past year. The adoption process was finalized in court last week. I was not fired up about driving 4 hours for a five minute ceremony (just did what my wife told me to do).

Boy, am I thankful I did not miss out on this life changing event. As I sat in the courtroom waiting for our turn, tears filled my eyes, as I witnessed other families' dreams coming true. As I watched, I began to relate this with what we do as coaches. We have the opportunity to make life changing experiences for athletes we come in contact with each day. As you already know you are looked upon as a father, leader, and a role model for most of your kids. Thanks for all you do as a COACH!

Here is an email I received from a player who
I coached 18 years ago:

"What a difference my athletic experiences in high school taught me about life. I am pretty sure my class had the greatest coaching staff ever assembled (had them brain washed) to help us grow as athletes, team members, leaders, but mostly men. I look back on those days as the best of my life. I miss it something terrible. I hope all you coaches know how much y'all helped us grow."

Have a great Christmas break and NEVER GIVE UP on making life changing experiences each day for your athletes.

Happy 1st Birthday Natalie Grace!

2010-12-05T21:52:00.003-05:00

Today we celebrated Natalie's 1st Bday! We can not believe that this day has come...this year went by TOOO fast! She is a HUGE blessing to our family.

She crawls all over the place, has two teeth and loves to push her toy stroller around the house. She is constantly making noises and loves doing patty cake and blowing kisses. She is eats EVERYTHING but her favorite thing to eat is Chick Fil A! She is for sure a GA girl :)

Our lives have been changed because God placed this little princess in our family. We love EVERY minute with our Natalie Grace!

BUSY...Quick Timeline!

2010-11-15T13:28:00.004-05:00

September 18th - Jason did the wedding of two of our students from Green Acres Baptist Church (Jason was on staff at GABC when we first met almost 10 years ago). Hannah was one of the 1st students I ever mentored in ministry...she continues to bless my life! So proud of both her and Cody!

October 9th- 15th - Jason and a team of people from Revolution spent a week in Haiti doing medical missions! It was an intense week and God moved! Our church supports a mission in Haiti called Haiti Cheri...they are an ever present HERO to the people of Haiti.

October 17th - We started the Advance Initiative at Revolution! You can go here to get more info!

October 22nd - My Best Friend Amy got married---we have been praying for her husband for 5 years and God TOTALLY hooked a sista up! So proud of her and Phillip and SO thankful for the way they love Jesus and love each other.

DEC 10th - WE FINALIZE NATALIE's ADOPTION! CANT WAIT!

Apple Pickin FUN!

2010-09-06T18:43:00.009-04:00

Today we went to Mercier Orchards in Blue Ridge, GA. It was beautiful. I still have to pinch myself that we live in this amazing part of the country! Gods master piece, his creation, is SO fun to explore! We PICKED apples right off the tree and drank yummy fresh apple cider...so amazing!

When we were driving home we were rocking out to the PASSION CD! Wow I love that CD! I was singing to Natalie and I had an amazing thought...last year at this time we had NO idea that God had picked Natalie for us! But just like apples have to wait to be picked until they are perfectly perfect, the weather is just right, and the trees are heavy with reds, pinks, greens and golden deliciousness...we have to wait on the Lord!

He PICKS our blessings...and when the time is right...he allows us to experience that blessing in its FULL GLORY!

In order to get to the U-Pick section of the orchard a lovely tractor took us for a ride on its trailer :) The ride was bumpy, dusty, hot and SO MUCH FUN! And it was beautiful. We drove past the section where they are planting strawberries for next year, drove past the cherry orchard and peaches! GLORIOUS! Then we arrived at our destination...and my friend and I were like children on CHRISTMAS! Who knew picking apples right off the tree would be such a worshipful experience.

Our journey to get to the U-PICK section of the orchard is much like our journey to ALLOWING GOD TO PICK FOR US! He picks the most amazing fruit...he desires for US to trust him and allow him to work! His season for harvest is perfect. He is RIGHT ON TIME and delivers some of the most amazing blessings. We don't have to figure out what works best for us, our family or our timeline! He knows the right time...when we will be ready and when our blessing will be ready! He invites us on a journey to experience him, sometimes it will be bumpy, dusty and hot...but it will be SO MUCH FUN and SO BEAUTIFUL! He works ALL THINGS together for our good...see from his perspective!

Jesus...U-PICK for me!

He LOVES us...a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck!

1st Wednesday...

2010-09-05T13:57:00.002-04:00

The 1st Wednesday of every month we do a service at church that is focused on Worship, Communion and Baptism! This is a time for families to worship together and take the Lords Supper...its a powerful time!

At the August 1st Wednesday Jackson cried and begged Jason to get baptized that night. Jason told him that we wanted to wait until next 1st Wednesday so we could really make sure he understood what baptism meant. We talk about it all the time with him but we wanted to take a whole month and focus on what it means!

Jason and him spent time together talking about the symbol of baptism and why we follow in baptism after we accept Christ! **Jackson accepted Christ in Sept 2008 in our van, in his Christian Preschool parking lot...he is so funny telling the story!

Jason drew some pictures for Jackson explaining all the details:

On the 1st Wednesday of September, last wednesday, Jason came home early from work to spend a little more time with Jackson before the 1st Wednesday service. We talked about it again, had him tell us what it meant...and then he said...I'm not ready yet! So we said...okay that's fine! You wait until you are ready!

Worship was AMAZING, our RevBand is SO talented! Its a beautiful worship experience each weekend! Our Worship Pastor has done an amazing job demonstrating what true Worship is!

After worship we took communion as a family...Jackson got in trouble because he ate his "bread" before we even started doing the communion (I had asked him 3 times to wait for his dad)! We prayed as a family and then Jason went back up to the front to get prepared for baptisms.
I LOVE baptisms...I LOVE watching people proclaim their FAITH & LOVE for Jesus! Its powerful EVERY TIME...I don't want it to EVER get old!

Once everyone who was in line got baptized, Jason asked if there was anyone else who would like to get baptized. A few seconds later I saw a lady walking down the isle, she was ready to follow in obedience! It was powerful...she has MS and she needed help getting in and out of the baptismal...but she was determined to proclaim that she was a Christ Follower!
Her obedience gave Jackson the courage he needed, he looked at me after watching her struggle and said "Mom, I'm ready!" So I told him to go tell his dad...and I honestly don't have any clue how we held it together!! It was life changing for us!

Jackson also wanted Josh Boggs, one of our RevKids Volunteers to be a part of his baptism, our RevKids Ministry is amazing!

1st Wednesday was amazing...it challenged me! If a 6 year old and a woman with MS can stand in front of a whole church and say "I LOVE JESUS WITH MY LIFE AND ACTIONS", then so can you, so can I! The same power that raised Jesus out of the grave is the SAME power that will live within you when you accept him as your Savior! He is a force to be reckoned with and he desires us to follow him! Proclaim HIM...you never know how your obedience will effect the generations younger than you!

What God is doing at Revolution Church absolutely blows me away! He is moving in lives...with a strong and mighty power! He desires for his people to be changed and to be passionate about him...that's happening at REV CHURCH! So grateful to be a part of this movement in GA!

And lets end this post with a picture of Jackson's very HAPPY little sister...our sweet Natalie Grace! God has been so gracious to us...we are so unworthy yet through HIM he allows us to parent these precious children!

A failed adoption....

2010-09-04T21:56:00.001-04:00

***I was cleaning out my "Drafts folder" here on my blog and I came across this post I had written but never posted! I remember these feelings of a failed adoption so vividly...and I wouldn't trade ANY of our story! Its all part of God's plan to bring Natalie to us! I know some of you who read this blog have experienced a failed adoption...your child is coming...and GOD will blow you away with his perfect timing! Praying for you!

August 18th, 2009

Oh goodness...the emotions rage when you know that the adoption you had been praying for starts falling apart before your eyes!!! On Tuesday, April 28th when we got our call I thought that was the REAL call...little did I know that only 2 weeks later we would receive the phone call from Sara letting us know that our birthmom must have changed her mind since they couldn't get a hold of her.

IT HURTS!!!!! ITS PAINFUL!!! No amount of encouragement helps in the middle of the chaos. You cry, you scream, you snap....its as if you have an outer body experience.

I lost control...I lost my joy...I lost the drive to keep going...I GAINED weight...I ate...and I cried!!! I'm just saying...I had REAL emotions...I didn't just sit at home and in a calm voice say "it will be okay." Nope, it effected me in ways I cant even explain.

I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is HOLY, that HIS time is perfect, that he wants me to desire HIM above anything else...but I'm not gonna fake it...this journey is HARD!!!! But God's Word says "WHEN you go through trials...." I'm not a Christ Follower who believes...just follow Jesus and everything will be perfect! NO WAY...being a Christ Follower is MESSY, people turn on you, people think you are CRAZY...people try to talk you out of your purpose!!! Following Jesus isn't for wimps...its for the desperate people who KNOW they need a Savior!!!

Through all of this over the last 4 months...and the last 18 months of waiting...my FOCUS has been on Jesus. We are adopting because we feel lead by the Holy Spirit to take care of orphans (James 1)! I want HIM and HIM alone to reap all the glory for this journey. I don't want a pat on the back, I don't want a celebration of Jason and Lindsey Gerdes, I don't want people to look at us and say...WOW...I want EVERYONE's focus to be on GOD, the Creator of Life, the Giver of Breath, the Author of Adoption.

So if anything...this adoption hasn't been a failure...its been fruitful...Ive learned more than I ever could think imaginable! Ive prayed prayers that scare me, Ive laid flat on my face for hours and begged the Lord for guidance, strength, perseverance, deliverance, and peace!

So different...

2010-08-15T14:47:00.006-04:00

Last year at this time my life, our life, looked DRASTICALLY different! We were on staff @ BAF in TEXAS, had one child and waiting on God to move in several areas of our life. Last year I celebrated my birthday in TEXAS with two precious friends, had dinner with TEXAS Pastor's wives...and had a NORMAL TEXAS Birthday!

This year...on my birthday, which was Tuesday...I couldn't help but be SO emotional as I reflected back on my life over the past year. This year wasn't a TEXAS birthday but a full fledged GEORGIA birthday! Jason asked me last week what I wanted for my birthday and I couldn't really think of anything because my heart is SO full, this season of life we are in is MORE than I could have ever imagined. I am humbled that God allows me to love him, I'm so imperfect yet he desires ME and I desire HIM. God has shown me more about HIM in the past year than I ever thought possible.

He has blessed us with a little girl who was TOTALLY created to be a part of our family. Jackson is thriving in his new school and he is CRAZY about RevKids, I love that he is EXCITED to go to church! God has given me friendships here in GA that are priceless treasures to me! I have to remind myself that I have only been friends with them for 6 months, cause it feels like we have been friends for YEARS! I'm getting to watch my precious husband Pastor a church, not a church we planted, which we thought that would be our path, but instead a church that we have adopted as our own. We love the people as if we have served with them for the 6 years the church has been alive!

I'm more in love with Jesus and his people then ever before!

Our long adoption journey, the times I thought that Christ had forgotten that HE placed adoption in our hearts, the times where I thought God would NEVER move in our lives again...the moments where I wanted to give up in ministry...all of those times where I felt desperate for HIM...on THIS side of that season of life...I'm glad I didn't give up! I'm glad Jason and I worked HARD to love Jesus even when we didn't understand what he was teaching us. I'm thankful that as we pursue Jesus he refines us to LOOK JUST LIKE HIM!

My life is SO different this year...and yet HE remains the same GOD!

If you are in the adoption process, be encouraged, HE HAS NOT FORGOTTEN YOU! HE IS the same God that put the burden in your heart for the hurting, for the orphan! He WILL deliver in HIS TIME! His time is precious...DO NOT let Satan tell you any different! Please let me know if I can pray for you during this time of waiting, you can email me at LindseyLGerdes@gmail. com!

If you are pastor's wife, PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND! Love and Support him. He has a huge weight to bare and he needs to know you are 100% behind him & beside him. Love the people you have the honor to serve...YOU are there to SERVE...not be served! Love and Touch as many people on a Sunday as you can! BE REAL and HONEST but most of all SHOW THEM YOUR SAVIOR! He is SO worthy to be talked about...LIVE YOUR FAITH OUT LOUD!

Side Note:
***Being a Pastors Wife and the Adoption Process...both are journeys that are tied to immeasurable blessings...but can also develop a feeling of loneliness! So if there is any way that I can lift you up in prayer, please don't hesitate to share! You are loved sweet friend, God has HUGE things for your life.

You never know...NEXT YEAR @ this time...your life could look SO DIFFERENT!

I WILL Blog again!

2010-08-05T16:02:00.001-04:00

Well what a summer we have had! God has done more in my heart in 8 months of Natalie's arrival and our move to GA...then I ever thought possible! School has started back and a routine will now be my best friend :) I promise to catch up on our life...God has been so good to us!

Surrendering MY plans!

2010-05-05T07:47:00.008-04:00

God's timing simply amazes me! The day we got the call saying that we had been chosen by a birthmom we had been "officially" waiting for 20 months and been in the adoption process for almost 3 years!

The same week we got our "chosen" phone call was the same week my husband had his 1st face to face interview with a Pastoral search firm. Here is where the blessings get even crazier!

For the past 7 years we have had the honor of being on staff at Bay Area Fellowship in Corpus Christi, TX. My husband was the Student Pastor and I got to serve along side of him serving students and loving on leaders! WE LOVED OUR JOB!!! We knew that at some point we would love to go somewhere for Jason to be the Lead Pastor or to plant a church...but we also knew that God hadn't released us from our precious church, BAF! So one day Jason came home and said "Lindsey, Bil (Sr Pastor @ BAF) told me about a church in Georgia who is looking for a Lead Pastor and after talking with Bil I really think that this could be a fit for our family."

(At this point we hadn't been chosen by a birthmom)

So we started the interview process with the search firm! Jason didn't have a resume together because we didn't have any intentions of leaving Bay Area during that season of ministry...we had been simply serving where God wanted us and we LOVED it...we were content and then ALL OF SUDDEN like a unexpected Hurricane our lives were totally turned into a surreal whirlwind!

Jason had his first face to face interview October 15th...we had gotten our "chosen" phone call by our agency on October 13th.

Our lives felt insane during those months of October, November and December...CAUSE IT WAS INSANE!!!!

After several trips to Georgia, lots of meetings with the search firm, search team, and pastors...we were offered the job on DECEMBER 5TH...uh yes...the SAME DAY Natalie Grace was born! Hows that for God's timing!

Okay so here is where it gets GOOD! On Friday, December 4th Jason had an AMAZING prayer time before I had even gotten up. We had been begging God to either shut the door to this opportunity OR swing it WIDE open...either way we simply wanted to do what HE wanted! We just wanted to be in HIS will! I woke up with Jason sitting right next to me in our bed...him stroking my hair :) I could tell that he had been crying. He started to tell me about his prayer time.

James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." This verse had become SO alive to us during our adoption journey and it was the reason we were able to KEEP going! That Friday morning God used that verse in such a tangible way for Jason. You see we thought when and if we ever left BAF that we would go and plant a church somewhere...get to create something from scratch...it would be as if it was our biological child!

But God had other plans for us! During Jason's prayer time God revealed to him that we were to go and adopt this church in Georgia. No we didn't start it but God was asking us to go and parent this church. But we would have to leave something we cared about SO much...our student ministry! We had been given the freedom to create an amazing ministry that served students right where they were...how could we leave that...our first born love! God sweetly reminded Jason that HE would take care of the ministry...Jason began to feel released! THEN....Jason started praying for ME! Here we were about to bring a baby into our family and I NEEDED my support group...these people had prayed COUNTLESS hours for our adoption...they had cried with me and rejoiced with me! HOW COULD I LEAVE THAT?? I was so distraught with the thought of these precious people NOT getting to watch Natalie Grace grow up. So Jason pleaded with God for him to take care of his bride...Jason said "God I will go to GA and take care of your bride BUT you have to take care of my bride." And then he asked God to reveal it to me, on my OWN terms, if GA was the place where we were to go and do ministry!

On Dec 5th we woke up and started getting the house ready for my grandparents to come for their visit...I was cleaning the bathroom when ALL OF SUDDEN God totally spoke SO clearly to me...I didn't hear his audible voice but wow it was so close to that...I sensed him RIGHT there in the bathroom of all places! I looked at myself in the mirror and said these words "look after widows in their distress." I had been really pondering that verse for 2 years trying to figure out what it would look like for OUR family to take care of widows...I NEVER NEVER thought that the word widow for us would mean God's church! The pastor of the church in Georgia had resigned in May (during the same time that our first adoption fell through)...so this church had been without a "lead pastor" for 7 months. God simply reminded me that we were suppose to go and take care of the widow...HIS church that didn't have a Leader...and that my husband was to be the Leader of this church. God asked me that day to go and fall in love with the staff, the people, the community and to love them as if they were our own! This was a church in distress...it wouldn't be our "biological" church...no we didn't plant it...we didn't give birth to it...BUT he asked us to adopt it as our own!

Okay so all of that took place with me looking in the mirror with a cleaning rag in one hand, the other hand on the counter top bracing myself so I would collapse :), and tears streaming down my face! I couldn't believe it...God was taking care of Jason's bride and breaking MY HEART for the people of Revolution Church!

So I went to the garage where Jason was...and I was SOBBING!!! He thought I was sobbing because I didn't want to move...I told him what had just happened and he said..."Were you reading your bible when all of that happened" and I said "NO, I was CLEANING the bathroom."

***Side note: When I walked out to the garage Jason had the vacuum cleaner suction hose up in the air with a golf club handle being shoved down into it...I asked him "What are you doing" he said "I just sucked up a pair of your 'personal belongings' (didn't actually say that but you get the picture) up in the vacuum cleaner!" Wouldn't you know that while God was drawing me to a place of painful surrender He added in some comedic relief :) I heart God!

So there it was...our YES to move to Georgia was ON THE TABLE...and about an hour later we got a call letting us know that the search team had met that morning (during my meeting with Jesus) and they officially wanted to offer Jason the position of LEAD PASTOR at Revolution Church in Canton, GA! We accepted! And then Natalie was born just a few hours later!

I cant even explain to you the freedom in Christ I experienced that day! We were about to walk into some deep hurts and deep JOY!! And we were THRILLED about all the details! The hardest part was to walk away from a ministry and friendships that we totally adored and loved. But I'm SO thankful for my friendships in Texas...they graciously encouraged us to accept this new role and have been SO SO SUPPORTIVE...Revolution Church has a HUGE support system in Texas!!

We packed up and moved to GA and arrived here Feb 27th...we have lived here going on three months! I miss my "peeps" in Corpus EVERY DAY...but Jason and I know that we are RIGHT WHERE we are suppose to be! We have adopted this place and I'm blessed by the people we have the honor of serving. They have taken care of my family as if they've known us for 10 years. They love my kids, they love me and they love and respect my husband...their Lead Pastor! God is good!! I'm adored by the King of Kings and he allows me every day to serve the people of Canton, GA and I'm in LOVE with the staff, the people and the community!

God's timing is perfect...might not be how we planned it...but I'm so glad HE is the master creator and that he loves me enough to pluck me out of a "comfortable" situation and place me in a beautiful city to love the hurting and the distressed! Wouldn't change a single detail of our last 5 months! And I'm so grateful that he used the adoption of Natalie Grace to get us to a place of FULL surrender so we could go and adopt HIS Church!!!

Details of December Part 3

2010-05-04T07:44:00.010-04:00

One of my most FAVORITE memories when Natalie was born was this next story I get to share with you :)

When we received the information that A(birthmom) had gone into labor on Saturday but we weren't going to be able to see Natalie till SUNDAY...I was HEARTBROKEN!!! I cant even begin to tell you the thoughts that started going through my head...FEAR set in and the serpent of LIES started rattling in my head and heart. I immediately began to pray that JESUS would go before us and that he would whisper sweet truths into Natalie's heart until we could actually get there.

Okay so fast forward to the day we are being discharged from the hospital, Monday Dec 7th. We were just about ready to leave when a cute little nurse bounced into our room...she was our discharge nurse...OH BUT PRAISE YOU JESUS, she was SO SO much more! (I'm bawling at my kitchen table right now as I type this...all the memories of God's goodness just flood right back into my heart when I get to share Natalie Grace's story) Her name was Melissa (btw this is my best friends name and she had been praying for years for our adoption) and SHE was in the delivery room when Natalie was born...she was the FIRST to hold her! Then she shared her experience with me. She said that something came over her the moment she found out that Natalie was going to be adopted. She spent HOURS holding Natalie all night and telling her that she was loved, that her parents were on their way...that she was a chosen child! She said she just couldn't stop whispering into her ear...she said it was the strangest feeling...she just HAD to tell Natalie Grace that she was LOVED!!!! At this point she didn't even know Natalie's name...so she just said OVER AND OVER again...Baby girl...YOU ARE LOVED!!!!

As she began to tell me I was in utter amazement! I KNEW what had come over that precious nurse....MY JESUS...MY HOLY SPIRIT had gone before me and whispered sweet truths into our baby girl's heart! Im in awe at how much HE loves our baby girl...our sweet Natalie Grace!

Nurse Melissa

***Have to pause for a moment...our sweet almost 5 month old is stirring upstairs in her bed...good morning to our miracle!!!!

Like Ive said before...our stay in the hospital was something I will treasure forever! We were blessed with an amazing experience and wouldn't trade ANY of the details.

We were discharged VERY VERY late on Monday, December 7th and arrived back to Corpus Tuesday, Dec 8th @ like 2:30 in the am!!! With a very WIDE awake baby! My best friend Amy had been keeping Jackson for us while we were gone once my grandparents left...it was such a cool moment when we walked into our house and she was waiting up for us to get home!

When we finally got to sleep it was time for us to WAKE up to get Jackson ready for school :) I was SOUND asleep with Natalie right next to me in her bassinet when I felt someone taping me on the shoulder. It was Jackson...he looked at me and then looked at his baby sister (this was the first time he had seen her in "person"...we sent LOTS of pictures while we were in the hospital) and he said "mom she is REALLY here." It was LOVE at first sight for him!

Jackson seeing his sister for the first time!

Details of December Part 2

2010-04-23T15:57:00.003-04:00

Our stay in the hospital was amazing! Our nurses where BEYOND amazing and NEVER once showed any judgement towards A(birthmom) or us.

One encounter I had with one of the nurses totally took me off guard and I KNOW it was a total God moment. It was EARLY Monday morning (Dec 7th), the morning nurse, Laura, had come in to check on Natalie and see how she was doing. After she got Natalie all wrapped back up she came over to my bed and said "I think this is amazing what yall are doing." I told her thank you but that we were just ordinary people. She began to tell me HER story...oh my heavens HOW GOOD IS GOD????

Our Nurse...well...SHE is a BIRTHMOM!!!!! Oh Praise you Jesus for this encounter. I was in total shock (I shouldn't have been...God does these types of things)! She had chosen adoption for her child 25 to 30 years ago (cant remember exactly...it was 5:30 in the morning)...she told me HER point of view on adoption, she told me about the day she met her daughter 25+ years after she had placed her for adoption...she told me her pain...her JOY...her peace! It was a moment I will be thankful for FOREVER!!! God totally knew she would be Natalie's nurse...and that we would be there for that moment. She taught me so much about birthmoms and the feelings they experience after they place their child in their forever families. It was a priceless conversation.

On Monday afternoon A was discharged from the hospital...we couldn't leave yet cause it hadn't been 48 hours. She wanted to go home and so our agency was going to go to her house, let her sign, then come back to the hospital and let us sign!!! It was a whirlwind!

We were getting Natalie all prepped to head back to Corpus when there was a knock on our hospital room door. I went to the door and it was A's friend...she was coming to let me know that A wanted to say bye before she left. My heart started racing...I wanted to be tender with her and express how thankful I was (am) for her. I walked into the hallway and there she was...a precious woman...who had just given birth to a precious little girl. Tears started trying to flow...but I tried really hard to be strong. I gave her a hug and told her I loved her so much. She hugged back and said that she knew we would love Natalie and she knew we loved her. I started crying and she grabbed me by the shoulders and said "we aren't gonna do this...cry...Im going to be okay." At that moment I wanted to cry EVEN MORE!!! Holy cow what an amazing girl she is...she wanted to be strong for ME...yet she was the one leaving the hospital after 9 months of pregnancy without her child...and now she was giving me permission to love, raise, and adore...her child...my child.

I walked back into our room and LOST IT....I mean UGLY CRY!!! The nurse and Jason were both heartbroken too...we all just looked at eachother! I LOVE LOVE our birthmom! I am thankful and grateful for her decision. Her leaving the hospital was HARD...it all became very real for Jason and me.

SIDE NOTE: Please don't talk about birthmoms as if they aren't humans LOVED by our gracious God...our society has a negative view of birthmoms...THIS MUST CHANGE! They aren't GIVING UP their child but instead they are choosing LIFE and then letting a family raise and love their child...that's BRAVERY!!!! So lets be careful how we view these precious women!

After A left the hospital we had some time together...just me, Jason and Natalie. We finished packing up and got her ready for the drive home. We took LOTS of pictures and just basically sat their and held her and loved on her...we didn't put her down hardly at all the whole time we were at the hospital. We had prayed for this very day for 2 1/2 years and now here we were...it was all happening BETTER than we had planned or prayed!

Stay tuned for Details of December Part 3....we had A LOT of things happen in December!!!!

Details of December Part 1

2010-04-21T20:37:00.007-04:00

I was just upstairs loving on our precious 4 1/2 month old little bundle of sweetness and this overwhelming since TO BLOG came over me...I gotta get Natalie's story down on paper! Its hidden in my heart and talked about daily...but gotta get it documented!

So here are the details of December:

On December 2nd we found out that our birthmom (going to call her A through this post) would have a csection on Wednesday, Dec 9th @ 12:30pm in Houston. Our plan was to go to Houston on Dec 8th, get a hotel, REST, and then be at the hospital early Wednesday morning to be with A and love on her while she was getting ready to go in for the csection. I had EVERYTHING PLANNED for Tuesday-Friday...Jax was all taken care of with friends and we were set and ready to go!

My grandparents decided that the would make a quick trip to visit us the weekend before Natalie was to be born. They flew in on Dec 5th and were planning on flying back on Dec 7th. My nanny several times said "I just think something is going to happen if we come...like the baby might be born or something." WELL....Dec 5th (Saturday) we were all gathered watching the Texas Longhorns FIGHT HARD to win the championship (booo that didnt happen...poor Colt! Love that dude)...I had just told everyone..."okay, I'm not getting up again, I want to sit here and watch the game." Right after I said that I checked my email and went in to total shock mode!!! We had an email from our agency letting us know that A had gone into labor and was at the hospital and was having her csection TONIGHT!!!! I totally paused and then started freaking out...read the email to Jason, Jax and my nanny and pawpaw! We just all looked at each other and had NO idea what to say or do!!! (My Nanny mumbled something under her breath...Im sure she said..."I knew I was right"...LOVE YOU NANNY)

I got on the phone with our agency and they informed me that everything was fine but she had gone into labor...and for us to meet our case worker at the hospital in Houston on Sunday. So we packed our bags, made phone calls to get Sunday services covered...CRIED...freaked out...CRIED...made more phone calls...PRAYED....CRIED!!! I was in total awe of this very moment!!!

So there we are at our home while our precious birthmom was delivering our precious child. AND the PLAN was for us to be there when she was born so we could be the first ones to hold her...but NOW...WHO was going to hold her and tell her how much she was loved!!! I just couldn't fathom the thought of our precious daughter in the hospital nursery with NO one to love on her. Right then I started begging and pleading with the Lord that HE would be RIGHT there speaking truth over her. I got on the phone with friends and asked them to pray too!! I knew A had decided not to see Natalie because she thought it would be too hard...so I just begged God that he would comfort A and Natalie since I wasn't going to be there to show love to both of these precious girls...our birthmom and our child. (As if I thought I HAD to be there to comfort...I cant wait to tell you what happened)

We didn't sleep hardly at all that night! We got up early and headed to Houston and my grandparents stayed with Jackson. HELLO BLESSING! We made our way to Houston but first stopped off at a Whataburger in Portland to get loved on by one of my precious prayer warriors, Donna Brown! We had forgotten to take Jackson's booster seat out of my car and my grandparents needed it and she was going to take it to them! BUT then she gave us a personalized Christmas ornament with ALL of our names on it...even Natalie's! OH MY HEAVENS...it became real! I'm pretty sure we prayed right there in the parking lot...Donna Brown prays...it doesn't matter where you are!

Our drive to Houston was AMAZING! Since it was Christmas time the radio stations were all playing Christmas Music...OVER AND OVER again we got to hear about the birth of our SAVIOR...the very SAVIOR who had orchestrated our miracle! Oh what a priceless time...I kind of wish I could go back and relive that day all over again. I was changed that day...and I will always be grateful for what God did in our hearts...how he so tenderly loved me enough to bring me and Jason to the place of adoption...what an HONOR to serve our KING by loving and raising his children.

We arrived at the hospital and met our case worker! She let us know that we would be able to STAY at the hospital in our own room with Natalie!! What a huge blessing! We were going to be able to have our daughter in our OWN room for her stay at the hospital.

We got to look through the hospital nursery window and could see Natalie with a cute Santa hat on. We couldn't SEE her face and features though so we were DYING to see her! The nurses got us all settled in our room...all the security wrist band stuff...and then while they were prepping Natalie to be brought to us...I got to go have a visit with A. ***This was priceless to me!!! I was amazed at how well she was doing. The first question she asked me was "Have you seen her yet"...I said no and she said "Well hurry back to your room so you can go love on her." So I loved on A just a bit more then headed back to our room.

Just a few moments later the nurses rolled Natalie Grace into our room! OH MY OH MY!!!!!!! I was SO not prepared for what took place in my heart that VERY moment I saw her...it was INSTANT LOVE!!! Not "Oh I will have to grow to love her", Not "we gotta bond", Not "I love her but it doesn't feel like she is mine yet." NOPE instant LOVE (the same love Jesus has for us)! I was amazed at how beautiful she was (is) and Jason and I couldn't take our eyes off of her! SERIOUSLY one of the BEST BEST days of my life!

THEN...all the nurses left our room...our case worker left...and it was just us 3! Oddly enough I didn't cry one tear...I think I had emptied my tear bank on Saturday! I was just oozing JOY...this was the day that I had prayed, fasted, cried and begged God for and WOW did he deliver!! Jason and I couldn't stop taking pictures and texting them to every living being...we wanted EVERYONE to see how GOOD God was being to us...so undeserving and yet he was just pouring the blessings on THICK!!! The Holy Spirit showed up that day in our hospital room...and stayed until we were discharged from the hospital. There was a covering of peace for those 2 days we were there. We KNEW that the there was still a possibility that A could change her mind (in TX birthmoms have 48 hours and then they can sign to terminate rights) but we were appointed for the time being to LOVE and ADORE this precious gift. She didn't leave our sight but twice to go to the nursery. The nurses were fabulous! They just oooo and awwed over her and wanted to hear our story! It was a sweet sweet time...a time that I will always TREASURE! God is good people...so good!!!!

The Details of December just keep getting better and better...but first some pictures:

(I cant upload any of the pics cause Jason has them on his computer...so for now use this link)
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2044694&id=1411837543&l=07adfcdfbc

Details of December Part 2...coming soon!

November

2010-01-11T16:09:00.005-05:00

Sorry everyone for the LONG delay in posts...needless to say we have been BUSY BUSY around here! Okay here is what happened in November.

November 7th was our birthmom's birthday...so we went back to Houston on November 12th to take her to lunch for her birthday. My sweet friend made her a cake and I took her some little birthday gifts. We hung out for a bit at the agency and then we went and ate lunch. But before lunch she gave me a CD with pictures from her ultrasound. Here we were celebrating her and yet she was giving us a gift that was priceless.

We had a good lunch and got to know each other better. Its the most surreal experience sitting across from a wonderful girl who is VERY pregnant and has chosen YOU (us) to raise and love her child. It takes my breath away every time I think about what a difficult yet brave choice she made. I'm in awe of our birthmom. My prayer is that one day she will be married and have a sweet family of her own. I will rejoice with her.

After lunch we said our good byes and we knew the next time we would see her would be on DELIVERY DAY...another very surreal moment. We took some pictures and loved on each other and then went our separate ways.

We got in the car to head back to CC and I told Jason "I will not be able to make it home knowing on this CD there are pictures of our little girl." So we went back to the agency and pulled up the pictures on their computer. We printed a few out so we could stare and study our precious bundle while we made our drive back home. I would look at the sono pics for a while...put them down...pick them back up...put them down...and it continued the whole drive home. I just couldn't get enough of those pictures. She was beautiful!!!

We got home and told Jackson that he was going to have a baby sister and he was thrilled. We still had to be cautious and he knew that it was still a possibility that our birthmom could change her mind. He is precious and wanted this little girl so badly...but he also reminded us that it might not happen. Such a hard road for a 5 year old to walk and grasp...but he did it so well. We were not telling THE WHOLE WORLD yet...we were still being very guarded and just kept our eyes on our Heavenly Father.

On Nov 18th, we had our pre placement visit with our social worker @ our house. Everything went fine and we talked a little bit about what the csection day would look like. Our birthmom was scheduled for a csection on Wednesday, Dec 9th. (Her original due date was Dec 14th) Our plan was to be there the day she had the csection and then to be the first ones to hold and see Natalie (this is what our birthmom wanted).

Also on Nov 18th, I made the announcement to my High School girls bible study group. This group of girls had been praying for years for God to bring our child home. They were so pumped!!! I was so excited to see their JOY and TEARS!!! That was one of the greatest moments on our journey.

***In my quiet time that afternoon (18th) I was brought to Luke 1:45 "Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" Earlier in the month I had felt like God was reassuring me that this little girl was meant to be in our family. But that specific day I was having some massive attack and then I got on my face in the nursery and began reading in Luke 1...and that was the verse that hit me hard!! It was as if God was saying...BELIEVE ME...I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS!!!

One Nov 25th, I got word that Natalie's kidneys were a little swollen but the doctor thought everything would be fine. They said swollen kidneys are very common in little girls and most of the time after birth the kidneys become normal size. We began to pray that everything would be okay and that Natalie Grace would be born healthy...and of course that our birthmom would remain healthy too!

November was a whirlwind!! We were still guarded but had a peace about it as well. We were clinging on every scripture we had read about adoption and we were trusting that this time around a baby would be in our arms.

October-The Call and The Meeting

2009-12-14T17:35:00.012-05:00

Tuesday, October 13th 2009 marked 20months of us waiting to be chosen by a birthmom. That morning I woke up and prayed that on this day of waiting that God would bring a birthmom to New Life...and I wrote a 20month blog http://achosentreasure.blogspot.com/2009/10/20-months20-things.html .

I got ready for the day and then went and met Jason for lunch at Bistro D'Asia. We were sitting there and I said "do you know what today is?" He just looked at me with fear because I'm pretty sure he thought he had forgotten our anniversary or my birthday (just joking...he wouldn't ever)! I finally told him..."today marks 2o months of waiting for our child and I am SO ready for the Lord to bring that precious baby home." We talked about it for a little bit and then we knew we needed to change the subject or I would turn into a crying mess right there at the restaurant.

We both headed to work at the church...I needed to do some stuff in my office and Jason and the other element staffers needed to make video...so he headed upstairs to the element room. I went to my office and started checking voice mails. The first message was from our agency...."Hey Lindsey, this is Sara, please call me...." and I hung up the phone and didn't listen to the rest of the message. I called her back and she asked how I was doing...and then she said "Lindsey, y'all have been chosen by a birthmom." My was response was "are you kidding." She wasn't kidding. She began to tell me about our birthmom and why she was deciding to place her child for adoption...our birthmom is amazing and is such a brave woman. I was shaking as she was giving me all the details...trying to soak it all in. It all became real when she told me the due date...Dec 14th...wow that was so close :) We set up a time for us to come to Houston to meet our birthmom...and then just like that...we finally had a CALL that we had been waiting for. My life changed that day!

I called Jason and told him to come downstairs because I had something very important that I needed to tell him...we me in the Connection Room (at church) and I could tell he was a little nervous about what I was about to tell him. I felt like I wanted to cry and jump up and down...it was amazing!!! I told him all the details of my phone call with Sara and that we had been chosen by a birthmom...we both just looked at each other in udder disbelief...and then it totally sunk in...we knew we needed to guard our hearts because there was still a possibility that our birthmom could change her mind (we had already experienced that in May). We decided that we would only tell our close friends and family and that we wanted to walk carefully through these next several months (Oct-Dec).

I went and told Amy to come outside...I just looked at her and she GUESSED...she said did you get the call....YES!!! We jumped up and down, hugged, and cried...and both knew that we needed to be in massive prayer for our little bundle of love to come home...a failed adoption just wasn't an option for our hearts :) Then I tracked down my mom at work...told her to guess...she asked if I was pregnant and I said NO...we got chosen by a birthmom!!! Then I called Mel and told her...she was at Babies R Us in New Mexico...she wanted to scream and yell but she was in public...I still would've loved to see her do the Praise Ya Jesus dance in public :) Then the phone calls started to our dearest friends who we knew would PRAY PRAY PRAY...what an amazing support group God has provided us with.

Then on October 20th we had a prayer time in our nursery with some of our prayer warriors...such a sweet time! We prayed for our baby and for our birthmom...we cried out on their behalf. There were many tears that day...and we pleaded with God that this adoption journey would end with a baby in our arms...please God...please let this story have a happy ending.

On October 26th, we drove to Houston to meet our birthmom...it was such a surreal feeling. We had already done this part before and we had walked a road that we didn't want to walk. We had grown to love our birthmom in May and when that didn't work out we were devastated. The whole time to Houston this time I was praying "God if this isn't suppose to happen then please don't even let her show up...I would rather not even meet her if she isn't really going to place her child with us." My heart was so guarded but yet it was beating so fast.

When we walked in to New Life...I saw her...sitting on the famous New Life couch...there she was...SHE SHOWED UP!!! I wanted to sob but all I could get out was pure excitement...I hugged her and wanted her to feel how much we adored her and loved her...such a powerful moment. We talked for a little bit, got to know each other...and then she told us she was having a little girl...one of the best moments in my life...we were so excited! I asked her if she had picked out a name and she said she did like a name but wanted us to pick what we wanted to name her. I asked her if I could share with her what we would like to name her and she said yes...I told her that we wanted to name her Natalie Grace...she teared up...(I thought oh no, she hates the name) and then she said...That's the name I would have picked if I was going to name her!!! OH MY GOODNESS...tears started flowing!!! Our Natalie Grace was growing in this precious woman's tummy...and she had been chosen to be a Gerdes!!! What a surreal feeling. **Just a side note, in May when we were waiting to see if we were getting a boy or girl I was thinking about changing the girls name we had picked out...which was Natalie...because Natalie means "born at Christmas" and since we were having a May baby I didn't want to name her that...I know...I'm strange!!! So when we found out we were having a girl this time around and that she would be BORN AT CHRISTMAS TIME...well Natalie was just the perfect name for our bundle of love!!!

October was full of emotions...but November and December get even better!!! Check back soon to find out the rest of the details :)

***Also...when you found out we had gotten chosen...what was your response?? I would love to have my prayer warriors views on all the details that happened in October!

SEEING....THEIR FAITH

2009-11-01T21:18:00.002-05:00

This morning our Pastor spoke on the paralyzed man in Luke 5 and challenged us to think about the areas in our life that we are paralyzed.

I know my area! Some days I feel like I have FULL range of motion and other days I feel PARALYZED...adoption will challenge every bone, fiber, and muscle you have...and your SOUL!

The verse that really spoke to me was Luke 5:20- "Seeing their faith, Jesus said to the man, "Young man, your sins are forgiven." ***It wasn't the FAITH of the man...it was the FAITH of the men carrying the man.*** My heart was FULL...cause I HAVE friends and family who are carrying me...cause sometimes this journey is paralyzing.

I need THEIR FAITH...cause sometimes I don't have any. I need them to go before the Lord and BEG and plead for our child...cause sometimes I don't have the energy or words. I have a sweet friend who her and her husband have committed to fast and pray specifically for our baby and birthmom/birth family every Tuesday...because of THEIR FAITH.

And I hope because of MY FAITH...that the Lord will do amazing miracles in the lives of my friends...my prayer is that marriages will be saved, a job opportunity will come available, family members will be restored, and that the Lord would grant a dear friend a Godly husband...because of MY FAITH.

All the more reason we as Christ Followers must have a group of people who believe in us, challenge us, love us unconditionally, and have FAITH that God will DO what HE says!!!

***Its Adoption Awareness Month...will you please HAVE FAITH that the Lord will bring our child HOME...and if you know someone else that is adopting...encourage them...share YOUR FAITH with them...they might feel paralyzed...they might need to be carried!

Favor

2009-10-28T10:04:00.003-04:00

In April/May when we thought we were going to be bringing home a sweet baby...my prayer was constantly...SHOW FAVOR ON US LORD. We had been waiting for SO SO long and I just knew that it was FINALLY our time. But then the roller coaster ride began...when our birthmom cut off contact with our agency the fear set in.

I continued to plead with the Lord...PLEASE GOD...show us FAVOR!!! Then I got a little angry when that FAVOR wasn't shown. Why did he think we were strong enough to actually go through that type of pain? Where was HE? Why did he even allow us to be chosen if his FAVOR wasn't going to be shown. Oh I was frustrated, sad and I felt abandoned. HE IS GOD...why didn't he SHOW FAVOR to us??

Okay well fast forward 5 months...and my view has drastically changed on the FAVOR of the LORD. The word FAVOR means: friendly regard shown toward another especially by a superior, to the benefit of, in support of, to one's advantage.

Just because we are Christ Followers doesn't mean that "good" things are always going to happen to us...the GREATEST thing is that we have salvation...that SHOULD be enough. But how come we feel like the Lord isn't granting us his FAVOR when it doesn't go according to our PLAN. We need to change our view...FAVOR sometimes means that the Lord has to withhold something from us in order to protect us or to provide for us differently than what we had expected. God's favor isn't always wrapped up in a perfect little gift box with a beautiful ribbon on top...some times God's favor is shown as we lay on living room floor, pound our fist and PLEAD with him to WORK THIS SITUATION OUT...and then he doesn't work it out the way WE WANT...but instead he creates something different for us...and in his PERFECT time he reveals it to us.

That's favor!!! FAVOR is the fact that the battle has already been won...technically he doesn't OWE us anything. FAVOR is the fact that he died on a cross...beaten and bruised...ALL FOR ME!!! HELLO LINDSEY GERDES...FAVOR has already been shown!!! Now...I do believe God wants to bless us...he wants to reveal himself to us...but salvation has to be ENOUGH for us...and sometimes...we have to be perfectly okay with the FAVOR that is shown...even if its not what we had originally wanted...he KNOWS what we need...and he LOVES us dearly!

FAVOR people...FAVOR!!!!

TWO QUESTIONS???

2009-10-17T22:09:00.003-04:00

Question #1

Why are you and Jason adopting even though you can have children biologically?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:27

We feel God specifically called our family to take care of orphans...but not just by donating money to a wonderful organization...but by adopting children into our family. As a Christ Follower...I simply feel like for OUR FAMILY (praying for many more families to feel the same way) that adoption is an act of obedience. Jason and I both feel strongly that if we were to say NO to adopting then we would be being disobedient to what the Lord has firmly and lovingly asked us to do. When the Lord burdens your heart for a certain situation or person...my prayer is that you will act on it. Ive NEVER regretted acting upon what the Lord has asked me to do. Adoption is from the Lord and its a gift that he gives his people...its a gift that I want to be a part of.

Question #2

Why are y'all adopting a biracial or African American child? Why not a Caucasian child?

(I'm trying to answer this question in a loving way)

Okay...so get this...we KNOW we are WHITE...and we KNOW its "different" for us to want a child of another race. When the Lord asked us to adopt...not once did we feel called to adopt a child that was white...WHITE CHILDREN need to be adopted...but it was a FIRM calling on our lives to adopt a child of another race. Cant really explain it...except that we feel CALLED/ APPOINTED/ BURDENED/ and IN LOVE with what the Lord has asked to do and we are going to stick with it and trust that his ways are perfect! And seriously...lets not get caught up on the COLOR of SKIN...lets instead get caught up on the fact that this CHILD needs a MOMMY AND DADDY!!! We are very aware that our baby wont LOOK like a Gerdes...I'm very aware that people will stare...but I'm also VERY aware of the way God looks at his children...and how he created us in HIS LIKENESS. Here is my PLEA...please don't make this an issue...PLEASE except it...our child deserves to be treated as a child of GOD...so when you see me at the grocery store, at church, or at school (or any where else)...just smile and PRAISE the LORD for what he has done! Be in awe! Jump up and down! Do the Praise YA Jesus Dance! Buy me cup of coffee and and gift card or diapers...hehehe!!! Just enjoy the blessing!

****Plus...brown babies are pretty stinkin cute :)

20 Months...20 Things

2009-10-13T10:45:00.002-04:00

1. Adoption is the most beautiful journey I have ever been on.
2. My feelings towards birthmom's have completely changed...they are precious women who deserve love and encouragement. That are choosing life for their child.
3. Not everyone will understand WHY you are adopting...not everyone will be supportive...try to explain but if they don't get it...move on!
4. Sometimes it takes longer for family members to come around in being supportive...but after 20 months of waiting..I'm pretty sure everyone is supportive and just VERY VERY READY!
5. Your husband wont ALWAYS understand your motherly feelings...try to be calm and explain why you feel the way you feel :)
6. "Its all in God's timing" is the phrase people use when they have nothing else to say...I would rather them say..."I know this is hard and I want you to know I am praying." Its not to say that "Its all in God's timing" isn't true...it IS!!! But that cant be our standard answer for everything difficult.
7. Blesses my heart when people call and pray with me over the phone...you KNOW who you are!
8. When my element girls call or text me...that makes my heart leap for joy cause they are getting to learn about adoption and the impact it has...and they are only in High School. My prayer is that they will ALL adopt one day!
9. Ive never desired something so deeply.
10. Baby stores are hard to go into.
11. Race shouldn't be an issue!
12. I have met people along this journey who are priceless to me.
13. My relationship with the Lord is the only way I make it daily.
14. Every day I have to pursue GOD first...its not easy but SO rewarding.
15. Failed adoptions HURT.
16. New Life Pregnancy Center...understands adoptive families and birthmoms...they LOVE both!
17. Waiting for so long has made me LOVE this child more than you could POSSIBLY imagine.
18. This child is OUR CHILD...just because we are adopting doesn't mean that he/she is not our CHILD...adoption is just another way to add to your family.
19. The day we have our child in our arms...everything will be worth it.
20. Adoption is the toughest journey I have ever been on.

Happy 20 MONTHS...whew!

BEAUTIFUL DISASTER

2009-09-20T20:49:00.002-04:00

Every day is a BATTLE for me...I'm so flawed...I'm a SINNER...I'm not perfect...I mess up...I get frustrated with my hubby, my child, my friends, our ministry...situations bug me...the desire to BE IN CONTROL is a constant feeling...my emotions sometimes are so IRRATIONAL...my heart sometimes burst with FEAR...I don't always trust God...I don't always RUN straight to his word...I don't always pray and lay my burdens before him...sometimes I carry all my ISSUES on my own...

...I'm a beautiful DISASTER...

And if it wasn't for JESUS dying on the cross and FORGIVING my mess...then I would be stuck...and not be able to live a life full of JOY and PASSION...I'm reminded daily how imperfect I am...and I am reminded daily how DEEPLY in LOVE he is with me! I don't want to be the same...I want daily to look MORE and MORE like my CREATOR. I want to deal with people like he would and LOVE them through tough times. I want to be a PASSIONATE wife and mother. I desire for the MAKER OF HEAVEN to continue to tweak my soul so that I may reflect his BEAUTY.

I want to be DIFFERENT...set apart...I want to live in my FREEDOM...I want to saturate my life with his TRUTH...

I WILL PRAISE YOU LORD...because it is FITTING!!!!

19 months!!!

2009-09-13T23:10:00.002-04:00

Cant even believe that we have been waiting 19 months on baby to come home. Seems crazy...hello babies need homes...and HELLO...we have a home :)

I'm honestly okay...my heart was filled to the brim today with our element students so I didn't even think about it being our 19 month of waiting day...until I got home and was sitting in quiet.

Transformation has taken place in my heart...adoption has become so precious to me...birthmom's have become precious to me! Birthmoms deserve so much love and support...I want to share something that happened to me the other day.

I was getting a much needed pedicure and I was talking with the nail tech about Jackson...she asked me if I had any other children. I said yes...but we we were just waiting to be matched with a birthmom. She looked at me and said..."oh y'all are adopting...don't you think most birthmoms are hookers?" ARE YOU KIDDING ME...seriously woman...you have no idea what you just said...and who you just said it to...I was so MAD!!! But I calmly said...no that's a myth...birthmoms are brave and courageous...they are giving LIFE!!! I wanted to cry...but I just sat there and begged the Lord to change people's views on birthmoms. I sat there broken hearted for our precious birthmom whom I will always defend...no matter the situation...she is giving us a child...a life...and I will wait another 19 months if I need to just to receive the blessing that I know the Lord has created for our family. God doesn't make mistakes!!

19 months seems ridiculous to have to wait for a child...but we are NOT waiting on just any child...we are waiting on the child that God formed and created for us...and his ways are perfect.

So happy...life changing 19 months to the Gerdes Family :)

My Girls

2009-09-02T22:58:00.005-04:00

1st Wednesday Worship service was amazing tonight!!! God showed up and broke my heart! Bil was talking about how some of us are waiting and desiring "something"...he paused for a second and then he said "some of you desire a baby"...oooo goodness...this waiting momma LOST IT!!! Right there on the third row....broken heart...crying out for the Lord to come and bring us this desire. But the best part is what happened next...I looked down the row and my high school girls were sobbing too...hurting right along with me.

When you adopt you never know who is going to support you or think you are crazy. The Lord has blessed me with a group of High School girls whose hearts are so broken for our family and our child. Some of them have been on this journey with me for 4 years and others have just joined in the last few months...but none the less...they are WALKING and RUNNING this journey with me. Their encouragement means the WORLD to me...I feel blessed beyond measures to get to pour into their lives...and they get it...they pour back into mine.

Lexy, Linds, Mykayla, Priscilla, Presley, Jayma and Christy....thanks for hurting with me and praying that our child will come soon! I'm so thankful that you love our family and our baby. Thanks for the sweet words of encouragement (they always come and the perfect time). When the adoption failed in May...well...thanks for being devastated with me. Thanks for not forgetting that we are adopting...yall ask how things are going all the time :) Thanks for being excited...and Mykayla...thanks for being available to help me with HAIR :)...this white momma will need some help...so I am glad I have you to help me!!! Girls...I love you! More than I could EVER EVER express. I'm proud of each of you. You bless me...I cant wait to call each of you to let you know we have been chosen by a birthmom!!! Wont that be a great day...we will scream,jump up and down...and do spirit sprinkles. LOVE YOU EACH as if you were my own!!!!

***And Mel and Ames...Im so glad I get to wait on the Lord with you both!!! It makes waiting just a little sweeter!

How I feel!

2009-08-30T00:32:00.005-04:00

This summer has been a summer of so many emotions. I have enjoyed every bit of time spent with family and friends. I have the most loving, encouraging support group that any one could ask for. My circle of friends...get me...they understand me...they let me be ME. These last 4 months have been HARD...I have changed as a person (some good, some bad)...and my "peeps" have helped me function along the way. Sometimes its just a text that says "Im praying for your birthmom right now," or an unexpected baby gift, or a hug (a squeeze that says...I dont understand but I know God does), or a friend who will let you cry, scream, and watch you throw a fit...or friends who will just sit with you in an empty nursery and dream about the day that it will be filled with a sweet bundle of love! This summer my friends have basically carried me...my family even though 8 hours away have loved me from a far and prayed some of the sweetest prayers.

J and I have had to focus on US and not on the hurt...we are growing together in ways that I am so thankful for. We have enjoyed every minute together...he is the BEST husband and my BEST FRIEND. We have prayed prayers this summer that scare us...but we know God has laid some big things on our hearts...adoption has become so precious to us...we feel like it will be a part of our legacy in some way.

Jackson has been lovable and a hand full...it changes about every 5 minutes. He started Kindergarten and he is growing into a tall handsome little boy. He is smart and tricky and kissing those cute cheeks once he is asleep is one of those bonuses of being his mommy!

I tell you all this to say...my life is wonderful. I have people who love me, I have a Savior who has saved me and reminds me of that salvation EVERY DAY, and I have a family that is priceless! But whew...adoption hurts. I have prayed that the Lord would either take this burden of adoption away or that he would let it burn even deeper in my heart. MY HEART IS BURNING. Jesus is enough for me...but HE is the one that put this in our hearts...so we will keep pursuing HIM as we pursue the calling that he has put on our family.

***Praying for news...and that he would deliver us a special blessing!

My Heros!

2009-08-10T16:50:00.002-04:00

Have you ever met a family and walked away and thought..."WOW...I want to be just like them??"

Well I have known the Jackson Family for a little over 5 years and every time I talk with any of them...I just wish they would adopt me too.

They have taken in over 13 children over the years, officially adopted 2, working on adopting three others (who are living with them), have one biological child...and started doing this after only being married for one year...at the age of 22.

I LOVE THIS FAMILY...I love Billy and Clydene (the parents) and I love their kids!!! All the kids know that Mrs Lindsey wants to steal them...but they LOVE where they are...they LOVE their Family. They are crowed in to a 3 bedroom house and I hear NO complaining. They are content with where they are!!!

Last week we found out that Extreme Makeover Home Edition is coming to South Texas. We emailed everyone and their dog for a nomination letter (the deadline was Aug 7th)...now we are just praying that the Lord would show favor and that the Jackson's would get picked.

Although for the most part the Jackson's Home is FULL of joy, several weeks ago they experienced a HUGE loss when their 18month old drowned in a pool...complete devastation. They are still mourning the lost of Baby Howlis but even still Clydene told me the other day "Lindsey I am not stopping." They want to take in any child that needs a home...and I believe they will. But they need MORE space!!!!

Will you please pray for the Jackson Family...pray that the Lord would grant them their request with this new home. And if for some reason he doesn't...well the people in South Texas...we need to step up to the plate and we need to make something happen for this family. This is our chance as a community to really help the hurting and those who pour their lives into children who need a mommy and daddy!

I LOVE THIS FAMILY....my heart is overjoyed when I get to hang with them. They probably think I am crazy...this white girl that always wants to hug and take the kids!!! But my family genuinely LOVES every one of the Jackson's!!! They are FUN, loving, joyful and they LOVE Jesus!!! They are just easy to be around...they are a blessing to know.

Hebrews 11:1

2009-07-28T08:01:00.001-04:00

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."

Hello Blog...Nothing New

2009-07-27T22:16:00.002-04:00

My BFF told me I needed to update my blog...my response was...there isn't anything new to update!!!!

Our summer has been FULL of being out of town...a really awesome vacation...and an unbelievable Student Camp (Core Week)!!!

Have I ever told you how much I LOVE our student ministry...and I LOVE OUR STUDENTS!!!! They are so full of energy and love for Jesus...they make me want to love Jesus more!!!

So now we are trying to get into a routine...Jacks started Kindergarten last week (he is going to a year round school)...and I am done organizing Core Week so now I have plenty of time to think about our babies (or baby)!!! And all I do is think, think, cry, think, pray, cry, and decorate the nursery.

We are going to paint in a couple of weeks...Amy and Mel (I haven't asked Mel yet so hopefully she will read this and agree to painting)...and then I need to finish the curtains and then we will be pretty much done!

I haven't told many people but we think we are going to change our girls name (if we get a girl)...I just cant seem to fall in love with the name Natalie...I don't think I am ready to share yet but I'm pretty sure there will be a change.

As of now there is NO new news...seriously...whats taking so long!

Please just keep doing some massive praying. God has promised us a child through adoption...I'm ready for him to deliver!!!

To Our Love....

2009-06-13T01:24:00.003-04:00

Dear Little One,

You are precious to us. Your daddy and I cant stop thinking, praying, and talking about you. I can't believe that 16 months ago today we went on the "official" waiting list...but the summer of 2005 is when your daddy and I started praying about adoption and how it would look like in our family.

You have been desired for such a long time...our hearts ache to see your face and kiss those sweet little hands.

One of my biggest prayers is that you would know we are your forever family and that we love you with a very powerful love. Also, I pray for your salvation...I want you to experience Jesus' love early on in your life.

I know that they day we see you will be worth the wait. The day you become a Gerdes will be a blessing...so sweet child...I hope you come soon. Our prayer is that your precious birthmom would go to New Life...(today)...we are ready to have you here with us.

We just want you to know...we love you dearly. So does your big brother...he cant wait for you to make your arrival.

Please, some day soon!

I love you baby,
Mommy

Seriously...

2009-06-07T00:13:00.002-04:00

...SERIOUSLY...

Do we have to keep waiting? I mean for goodness sakes...what are you trying to teach me,

what are you trying to illuminate in my life...WHAT???

We have trusted you, we have cried out to you, we have obeyed you, we have served you,

we have sacrificed for you....

We have laid down at your feet and begged...we've stood tall and praised...

we have humbled ourselves...

We have called out to you in our distress and we have shouted from the roof tops about your GLORY...we have told people about you, we have shared your truth with others...

We have mourned, grieved, hurt, and been in pain...we have laughed, been overwhelmed, excited, danced the Praise Ya Jesus Dance...

We have learned, we have grown, we have leaned....

We have been grateful and we have been sad...we have been appreciative...

But seriously Lord....just show me...I want ALL OF YOU. NOTHING BUT YOU...

So I will continue to trust, learn, shout for joy, feel pain, laugh, beg, cry, praise, wait, sacrifice, lay at your feet, obey and serve...and if all it gets me is MORE OF YOU...then, well...

THIS JOURNEY WILL BE SERIOUSLY WORTH IT!!!!

Im Okay...

2009-05-27T17:15:00.003-04:00

...I think.

Today I said about a million times to people....Yes, I am doing okay.

And I really have felt OKAY...since Saturday.

Sunday morning was hard...I had to pull myself out of bed but I made it to church. Kika sang an amazing song and I just cried my eyes out in element...but then I was OKAY.

Monday was fabulous...we went sailing...and I was with friends who love me...and I was OKAY.

Tuesday I went to work...needed to face my real life...and I was so surprise that when people asked me how I was...well I didnt cry...and I was OKAY!!!!

And then today, Wednesday...I was at work again...with people who love me...and I was OKAY.

But right now...Im sad! I want our child to be home soon. I got home from work and started catching up on some people's emails and blogs...so many of our friends are traveling to get their babies, getting referrals, or PREGNANT. Im SO EXCITED for them...I mean so pumped. But I want to be in their shoes (maybe not the pregnant friends...I love you...but I have been there and done that). I want that phone call...the REAL CALL...the one where it will lead to some babies in my arms...or baby :)

But still...as I write this and Jacks is banging away on his drums...You know what...Im okay.

Im still sad...but I am okay. I seriously believe that God has this all under control...thats not just something I am telling others about this process...I BELIEVE IT IN MY CORE. Im going to be okay...infact...I am going to be WONDERFUL.

Our nursery will have a baby in it soon...and our car seat will be used...and all the diapers will eventually be thrown away...GOD IS IN CONTROL...and yes...I will be okay!

Please keep praying...

Two Prayers!

2009-05-23T01:49:00.002-04:00

Promise

I was standing at my kitchen sink tonight doing a weeks worth of dishes and I felt a peace that I have been begging for. I felt the Lord saying..."what I have planned for your family through adoption will be the most amazing thing you have ever experienced." I kind of paused for a second to soak up that promise. It felt so good to let that sink in to my heart and soul!!

***Lord, we are ready for you to show us our blessing. We are ready to see our blessing, to love our blessing...to care and raise our blessing. But until you reveal that blessing to us...we will seek you...we will be devoted to you! You knew that this hard headed girl needed to go through some valleys...you knew I needed to learn to trust you. I wouldn't trade every tear Ive cried because through the pain I have grown closer to my Creator. I love you precious Jesus.

Birthmom

Okay so one might think that we are mad that our birthmom changed her mind. I can honestly say...we are NOT mad. We are hurt by the loss of what we thought would happen. But in NO way are we mad at her. We don't feel mislead or rejected...yes we still hurt...but we were put in her path at the perfect time. We prayed over her and that sweet baby...countless hours of prayers. We were able to provide household items for her...we were able to show her the love of Christ! Do I wish we had that sweet baby in our arms...YES...but am I trusting that God knows what we need and can handle...YES! I am still grieving...but I seriously LOVE "J". Am I confused on why she changed her mind...YES...did I think it was a perfect adoption story...YES...is adoption messy...YES!!! I want her to be a successful woman and I want her to raise her children in a Godly home...we will be praying for her...she is a fighter...and a survivor! I know her story...lets just say...I wouldn't have made it through what she has! We are concerned for her, we wish she would have called New Life back...but we are not mad. How much closer to our baby is it going to get me if I harbor bitterness towards this woman? None!

***Lord you know all the details for "J"s life...protect her, love her, direct her. Give her strength and wisdom. Continue to provide for her. I pray she will keep her eyes only on you. Thank you for using her to teach me...and thank you for bringing her into our lives so we could minister to her. I wouldn't change it for the world! Even though the pain I feel is real...I know its nothing compared to the pain she feels...comfort her and encourage her!

Today....

2009-05-20T19:54:00.005-04:00

...I sang in the car. That might seem normal to you...but for the past week I have been walking around numb and in a fog...not singing!

But today...I picked Jacks up early from school cause he has a horrible cough.

Went and got us a movie...stopped by Sonic for their happy hour...and then while driving back home...I began to sing. Honestly I was shocked!

I sing daily...to myself...to anyone who is around...over the phone to Amy Payne while she is in the counting room at church...I sing in a opera voice, a silly voice, I sing when I am just talking in a non singing type of conversation. Basically...I SING!!!!

I haven't been able to sing the last week...my soul has hurt so deeply.

And today the song that just randomly came out of my mouth was a song I remember singing while growing up at Macedonia Baptist Church in Longview.

"God will make a way, Where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me. He will be my guide, Hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way, He will make a way."

I know He is making a way.

We are still hurting and we still wish that we had baby Nate in our arms...I wish the nursery wasn't empty...and I wish we didn't have to take the infant car seat out of the car for now...I wish I could go into the nursery without feeling pain all over. BUT...I know HIS way is perfect...and there is NO other way that I want...BUT HIS!!!

Please Please Please....continue to lift up our family. Lift up Jackson...he was prepared to be a big brother and even though he doesn't seem too terribly upset...there have been a couple of comments he has made that make us know that this hurts him too.

Please pray for "J"...even though she isn't going to place her child with us...we still want the very best for her. She will be a woman that I will always pray for and...love. She chose life for this baby even though abortion was offered to her many times. And pray for that sweet baby, we had the privilege of seeing his face in a ultrasound picture...he was beautiful...pray that Jesus will capture his heart at an early age!

God will make a way...even when there seems to be no way!

The Post...I never wanted to write!

2009-05-19T21:44:00.002-04:00

Well...I have been absent from our blog for the last 3 weeks. And I was for sure when I returned I would have pictures of our NEW BABY...but instead I return with a heavy heart or wait...a broken heart.

I wrote my last post on here on April 27th...the very next day we got a phone call from New Life letting us know that we had been chosen by a birthmom. She was due June 1st!

We traveled to Houston to meet her and it was one of the most amazing days of our lives. We instantly LOVED our birthmom...she gave us pictures of her family, we took pictures with her, had an amazing conversation with her...and she gave us her sonogram pictures of our new LOVE...Nathan Jae Gerdes. Our hearts were overflowing with joy and excitement.

The following week (last week) she was dilated to a 3 and still solid with her decision to place her child with us. It felt so good to know that Nate would be home with us soon. We got the nursery ready, ordered our baby sling, registered at Target, ordered his Life Book, made a special gift basket to take with us to the hospital once "J" delivered, installed the car seat, packed Nate's bag and got his outfits ready...my friends even began planning the shower. We were in full swing and prepared to bring this little bundle of love home.

Unfortunately last Wednesday, May 13th is the last time our agency has been able to contact our birthmom.

They tried calling all day Friday...called on Monday...and now we are preparing our hearts for the answer we didn't want...but more than likely our birthmom has changed her mind. Which means...Nathan wont be coming home soon!

We are torn, broken, frustrated, hurt...and mad! God had lined so many details up...there were so many things about this birthmom that felt right. The timing was perfect. Everything was working out perfectly.

I don't even know how to put into words how we feel...except we feel empty...almost like we lost someone through death. I don't know what a miscarriage feels like...but I can only imagine it feels a little bit like what I am feeling.

We know that God is in control...we don't understand all of the details...but we know HIM and are TRUSTING him during this time of hurt. We know there will be a day when we hold our love in our arms and it will be the RIGHT child for us. He/She will fit perfectly and it will be an ordained masterpiece! We are ready for that day...more NOW...then ever before. We are ready to bring home the child God has created for us.

We are going to be okay...but this is tough! The one thing I know for sure is this...God is STILL GOD...he LOVES us...his plan is perfect...his timing is perfect...and he loves our child more than we ever could. We are clinging to his promises right now more than ever before.

Our friends...YOU...have been amazing! You have called at the right time, you have helped us with Jackson, you have loved us during this JOYFUL time and HURTFUL time! Thanks for letting us be real and letting us hurt...and thanks for hurting with us. I wanted nothing more than to show off Nate to you and see your face the first time you laid eyes on him. I know you all have prayed countless hours over this child. KEEP PRAYING...there will be a day when we are sitting watching all of our kids play...and we will see the miracle right in the mix!!

God is my treasure, my heart rest only in him...he is my desire...his word IS TRUE...we are trusting with all we have that his promise for us will be revealed soon!

We are hopeful that another birthmom will pick us soon...will you pray for that to happen??
Will you PLEASE go to the Father on our behalf and ask him for a miracle? Ask him to come to our rescue during this time of hurt...ask him to rescue our child.

Precious Love

2009-04-27T23:24:00.002-04:00

Sweet Love,
I was just sitting here reading over all my posts about YOU. I cant wait to hold you in my arms one day and read each and every post to you...child you have been prayed for and longed for.

You have taught me more about myself then I ever could have imagined. I am still learning...I'm not the perfect mommy...but I know one thing...YOU NEVER HAVE TO WONDER IF WE LOVE YOU!!! You were meant for our family.

I love Jesus more....and that sweet love...is priceless!!! This journey has lead me to PURSUE him like crazy and he is REFINING me like crazy!!! I'm ready for you to come home. Your daddy is ready to see your face...he told me tonight that he just cant wait to kiss you!

I love you sweet, precious, chosen child! You have been created with a purpose and one day we will all understand why the wait has been so long. You are our chosen treasure.

I love you baby,
Mommy

Like I said....my Friends are amazing!!!!

2009-04-27T17:00:00.005-04:00

After I wrote my last post, I txted a couple of my peeps to let them know that I had written about them on my blog!! Well my BFF (can you tell I work in student ministry) txted me back and said "thanks for the shout out on your blog...I wrote a prayer for you this morning on a paver for the prayer garden." ***My BFF also works in student ministry....can you tell...we try to use the "cool" lingo...but I can honestly say...I don't feel any cooler :)

Our church is making a a prayer garden, it looks amazing! They have asked everyone in our church to write prayers on the back of the pavers and then they will permanently lay down all the pavers in the prayer garden!!! How cool!

As soon as she txted me that, I told her I wanted a picture. So when she got back from her BIRTHDAY LUNCH we walked over to the front of the building so I could take a picture.

It says "Gerdes adoption....that their baby comes soon...this week"

I also wanted to post a picture of our changing table that Mimi bought us....and also the gifts that Mel and Jess gave me!!!!

The journey is just easier when you have people to DO LIFE WITH!!! And when you have a cute 5 year old who reminds you how much work children take :)

Friends on the ROAD TRIP!

2009-04-27T11:44:00.010-04:00

Okay so if you are gonna adopt....and get on this adoption ROAD TRIP...then you MUST have some supportive friends who DON'T think you are crazy. Well, actually they might THINK you are crazy but they just LOVE you anyways. That's a good friend!

A ROAD TRIP just isn't fun by your self. You need YOUR people to be there...in the VAN...on the journey with you. And wow, I have some of the MOST amazing friends. I am going to try to recap on a couple of them and allow you to see what they have done for me. If you know someone who is adopting then I will give you some tangible things to do for your ROAD TRIP CAPTAIN.

My Husband: prays over me almost nightly for our adoption. His prayers are so sweet and tender! His heart BREAKS over our baby and birthmom and his prayers totally illuminate his heart.

Amy Payne: Oh my goodness....she loves our baby! She has loved our baby since the day I told her we were adopting. She keeps me calm but then at the same time her desire for this precious love to come home soon is priceless. She has helped me in the nursery and now she is just waiting to finish the nursery!!!

Mel Mac: Her txts messages along this road trip are wonderful. Just the other day she txted me to let me know her heart was HEAVY for us and our baby. And she gave me a gift the other day...just in case we got the call. It was diapers, wipes, socks, onesies, and pacifiers. Also, her husband prayed the most amazing prayer a couple of weeks ago at band practice. These two simply help this ROAD TRIP be a little more FUN!

BAF Staff girls and Pastors Wives: These people have been such an encouragement. Most of these women I have been friends with for the past 6 years and they LOVE our family and we LOVE their families. Last week they all prayed over me at our Women in Ministry breakfast and that was such a sweet time. Each prayer they prayed was priceless and just a little more fuel to keep me going. Our Pastors Wives @ BAF are like sisters to me. God has used them in ways that blow my socks off. Anytime I am down or discouraged out of the blue one of them call or txt me an amazing verse or just some words of encouragement. They have stood by me during this time and given me strength when I just wanted to quit. Jess, Ames, Terri, Daph, Les, Lace and April....thank you!!! Thank you for being YOU and loving ME! This ROAD TRIP has been sweeter since you are all traveling with me!

And my mom and dad: Priceless people! If you don't know my parents then you must! They are the most amazing people and the most amazing grandparents. This sweet love has NO IDEA what they are being placed in...they can call weekly and let them know what they want from Target and GG is gonna find a way to get to Corpus!!!!! And my dad well he is a sucker for his grandbabies!!! Just wait....I cant wait to see these two with Nathan and/or Natalie!

Okay so by now you realize that we are all taking this ROAD TRIP in a very LARGE VAN....but I gotta have my peeps in order to survive! Not to mention the wonderful people that I have met along this journey....Molly, Heather, Cindy and Sarah help me understand adoption on the other end of the wait.

Thank you for being on this Road Trip with our family!!!! We hope we have provided you with entertainment over these last 14 months....we hope you haven't been bored!

Jesus PLEASE...

2009-04-26T22:00:00.002-04:00

...bring a birthmom to New Life! My soul is so weary and I am so ready to love on the child you have chosen for us. We are waiting Lord...waiting ON YOU!!!

Jason's View

2009-04-23T09:29:00.005-04:00

Well hello, this is Jason Gerdes, the proud husband of Lindsey, father of Jackson, and hopeful future father of Nathan/Natalie. Lindsey asked me to write about the adoption to get a different perspective since so many of these blogs are written from the mother's perspective. I told her that us guys are not as expressive so we are behind the scenes loving all of you
wonderful mothers out there. OK, there is my opening paragraph so let's get into my thoughts.

1. The biggest surprise I have had in this process is learning how to re-love my wife. My relationship with Lindsey has always been a very fruitful one but it is always been based on me caring for her needs and making sure that she has what she needs to follow Christ and be happy. But this process of adoption is not about me and my abilities, it is about God and what He is doing so I have had to assume a different role. Now I cannot "FIX" this for Lindsey so I feel helpless. I actually have to cry with Lindsey, mourn, laugh, walk around anxiously, pray with earnest, and WAIT. This is hard for us men to do but it is good.

2. I have learned that God is God and I am not. This goes along with the first one and me learning my place in the world and in this family. I am not the HEAD of this family, JESUS IS. I am called to submit to Christ and follow Him and then to lead my family to Him. This has been a frustrating but very rewarding journey of discovery. I am not responsible for making this happen, He is. It is not on me to line up the details, it is on HIM. My role is to be so close to Him that I can sense what He is doing and then lead my family in that direction. This is great news for me because I tend to make a lousy God.

3. Adoption is something that we ALL should be involved in. I used to think that adoption was something that people did when they could not have kids "of their OWN". But what I have realized is that none of my kids are MY OWN, they are all God's and are a gift from him. And if I really believe that then I will do whatever I can to make sure that ALL of God's children are taken care of not just "Mine". I have told Linds on several occasions that this is only the beginning of our life with adoption, we will be a part of this for the rest of our life in some form, whether that is leading an orphanage, leading a church that has an orphanage, turning our house into one or what I am not sure. All I know is that this is what ALL Christians should be doing since this is what Christ did for us.

This has been an amazing/very hard process but I would not change it to this point. Now having said that God please bring your baby to us SOON.

A New Puppy

2009-04-19T23:56:00.002-04:00

Our family was out running errands on Saturday and there was a family selling Boxer Puppies in the Chick Fil A parking lot. WE LOVE BOXERS...we had the sweetest Boxer named Dazie. Sweet Dazie was mine and Jason's first baby. She was PRECIOUS! When Jackson was 1 Dazie got ran over, right in front of us and we lost our sweet girl.

So anytime we see Boxers we MISS Dazie and consider getting another one. But whew...Boxers are A LOT OF WORK and I just don't think we have the time or space to put into one of those crazy, energized dogs.

But after seeing those pups Jacks BEGGED all day for us to get a Boxer. I finally told him that if we get another puppy then we will adopt a puppy. And his answer was "UHHHH Mom adoption takes TOOOO LONG."

Oh Jacks, I know baby! I agree...adoption does take TOOO LONG!!!! But sweet baby...it will be worth it.

14 months

2009-04-17T20:00:00.002-04:00

Who would have thought that we would wait for a baby for 14months! Not me! I thought 6-9months at the most...but we are into our 14month. And we are still waiting.

And I am okay with that. Although sometimes I don't "hear" what I want to "hear" or I don't "feel" what I want to "feel". I know HE is STILL teaching and still touching my heart for adoption.

Jason told me today...God is getting ready to give us a HUGE blessing! And I totally agree. Maybe even two babies!!! How great would that be!

So yes...14 months...and still counting! But 14 months and still learning...is priceless. And one day when I hold that sweet baby it will be WORTH IT.

By the way...check back soon because Jason is going to do a special post, from the dad's point of view on adoption. Get the word out to your blogging adoption buddies!

Making A Way

2009-04-11T20:38:00.004-04:00

Every holiday or special day since we started our adoption has been bitter sweet.

The first "special day" I remember, after we had completed our homestudy and we were "officially" done with the paper work, was Mother's Day. I remember sitting in our church service that Sunday thinking "what an amazing Mother's Day present, to get chosen by a birthmom." Didnt happen :(

I remember on Father's Day, thinking the same for Jason..."what an amazing Father's Day present." Didnt happen :(

Then birthdays in August and September...."oh what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(

November....Adoption Month..."what an amazing gift." Didnt happen :(

Thanksgiving and Christmas...."please Lord give us the most amazing gift and let us get chosen by a birthmom so we can bring our baby home." Didnt happen :(

Mine and Jason's 7yr Anniversary...."Please Jesus....this would be the best anniversary present ever!" Didnt happen :(

February...."marks one year of our homestudy being complete, what an amazing gift...Please Lord." Didnt happen :(

April..."Lord, what an amazing Easter Present...if we were chosen by a birthmom."

And right here at my kitchen table as I begged that of Jesus...he reminded me that HE IS ENOUGH....HE is my Savior...HE ROSE AGAIN...AND He is my PORTION!!!

His timing is perfect and planned out! He rose 3 days after he hung on a cross for ME...I think he has this covered...and he WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN!!!!!!

I love you Jesus. I am confused and frustrated but I have chosen JOY in this time of suffering.
For I know what I am going through here on this earth is nothing compared to what you did for me on the cross. You oh Lord, will make a way...when there seems to be no way.

Protecting His Mom

2009-04-08T15:48:00.003-04:00

Look at how I found Jackson last night....

Jason is out of town, California again, so its just me and Jacks!!! So Jacks is sleeping with his light saber to protect his mom!!!

I am so crazy about this little boy.

Even though he has been in all day preK this year, I am already dreading kindergarten. I'm so sad that he is actually starting REAL school. I told my BFF today that it even made me want to homeschool him just so he wouldn't leave....she totally looked at me like I was crazy. She knows me way to well and knows my child way to well.

Speaking of school...I gotta go pick up my little bundle of love!!!

If We got the call today...

2009-04-06T11:09:00.003-04:00

...then I would first ask Sara or Cindy if they were serious...if they were serious then I would feel my heart jumping out of my chest!!!

I would then call my mom and dad and share the news, then I would call the list of faithful friends and family...Ive already told them that they will NOT find out about us being chosen by a birth mom via email, txt, or facebook!

Then depending upon how far a long our birth mom is and/or if we know the sex of the baby...I would start getting prepared to bring our little bundle of love HOME!!!

I would feel motivated to get the nursery done and I would buy a cute, adorable baby sling (in fact I might do that before we even get the call).

I would honestly be a basket case...but a JOYFUL excited basket case!!! I might even wear a t-shirt around town that says...I am pregnant and due in _____ months! What if it only was two months until our birth mom was due and I am walking around town with a t-shirt that says "I am pregnant and due in 2 months." People would think I was the smallest pregnant lady ever...I was FAT with Jacks so I deserve to feel skinny and pregnant!

I would go get Jackson out of school early to tell him the news! And I would make sure that we video taped it! I want to capture his response.

I would cry, freak out in a good way, shout it from the roof tops, and do my "Praise Ya Jesus Dance." I just cant even explain to you the JOY!!!

**Lord you know we are willing and ready! Could you PLEASE make a miracle happen SOON!!! You oh Lord, will get ALL the GLORY!!!!

A Joyful Sufferer

2009-04-02T09:30:00.003-04:00

If you don't live in Corpus Christi and/or you missed our Bay Area Fellowship 1st Wednesday Worship service...well then...you MISSED out on powerful worship and amazing teaching!!!

Last night my soul was so carried away by how WONDERFUL my heavenly Father is and yet how much I still have to learn about his suffering for me on the cross.

My sweet husband brought the message last night and the communion...and I did my baptist head nod and said Amen under my breath the entire time he spoke. I know others learned and were challenged...but honestly...I think our Creator gave Jason those words for his wife...for me!!! God knew I needed to hear MY MAN teach me these promises...and if we were at home and Jason would have given me this message, I probably would have discounted the heaviness of it. And that message last night was HEAVY!!!

I'm gonna set the stage:

We had just finished singing "Lead Me to the Cross" by Hillsong (our fabulous Lauren sang it like an angel).

Jason walked on to stage and he challenged us to decide if we REALLY believe in the song we had just sung. LEAD ME TO THE CROSS...what happened on that cross...our precious Savior adopted us RIGHT THERE with blood shed...he died for our sins...our failures, our short comings, our selfish desires...and it happened on the CROSS!!! A cross that we were just begging to be led to.

Then he went on to point out the suffering of the cross and yet the JOY that the Lover of Our Souls still had for us. He suffered for us but was joyful through the suffering. When Jason began making these statements...that's when my heart began to break and be crushed. I DON'T SUFFER WITH JOY...I SUFFER WITH COMPLAINTS AND AN UGLY ATTITUDE!!!!!! This walk with Christ isn't suppose to be easy, there is NO where in scripture where it says "follow me to the cross, live your life for me and you will lead an easy life."

Our family has been suffering for the last several years (might not seem a big deal to others but feels huge to us), I cant explain the pain we feel not having our child HERE. Suffering is simply not FUN! And I have to admit I haven't had much joy when it comes to suffering.

But there can be JOY in suffering, there can be comfort and healing. And this morning during my quiet time the Lord illuminated even more details to me about being a JOYFUL sufferer.

After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied. Isaiah 53:11
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 2 Cor. 1:5

Our suffering will eventually lead us to satisfaction and comfort...but we have to suffer NOW to get to that point...and we can let JOY overflow from our hearts during the process. If our true and ultimate desire is to be like Christ...then we have to be led to the cross...in joy! If while we are on our journey of pursuing Christ and we become discouraged and live without joy then that is an invitation for the enemy to come in and steal our progress we are making.

Do not yield to discouragement no matter how severely stressed or surrounded by problems you may be. The very instant you wholeheartedly turn away from every symptom of discouragement and lack of trust, the blessed Holy Spirit will reawaken your faith and breathe God's devine strength into your soul. (taken from Streams in the Dessert, April 2nd)

All this to say...God is entrusting our family with this journey of adoption...and I haven't had the JOY that I should've had. My attitude sometimes probably hasn't attracted others to adopt...who wants to travel this road of adoption and be complaining the whole time!!! YUCK!!!

This adoption has taught me MORE then I could have EVER EVER EVER imagined. And now it is teaching me to have JOY even though we don't have our baby in our arms. But we do have God's promise that he WILL bless us with a child through adoption. That is MY PROMISE from him! And I am going to cling to that promise with JOY...even on the days that I feel a deep suffering!!!!

From this point on, I am determined......I will be a JOYFUL Sufferer!
(I might need reminding at times!!!!)

Our Jacks!!!

2009-03-31T09:23:00.004-04:00

This blog has mainly been about our adoption! Well...we also have another Chosen Treasure in our family...our 5 year old Jackson! The most precious little 5 year old!!!!

I wanted to share some crazy things he has said lately.....

We are trying to get him to stop sucking his thumb....not fun! He has a blankie...and if he has his blankie then he will suck his thumb. Jason hid the blankie and then went to California for a conference. Jackson and I were laying in bed one night and he said..."Here's the deal, if dad doesn't give me my blankie back he will have a choice, either I will call the police and he will go to jail, or he can go to time out, or he will get a spanking." I was laughing so hard!!!! But he was SO serious!!!!!

The other day we were driving home from church and I asked him if he would snuggle with me while we watched the movie Bolt. In a very serious voice he said...."mom, not today, I will snuggle with you tomorrow when I get home from school." This might not be funny to some...but my child is a PLANNER. Ive joked that he needs a Franklin Covey planner...he gets this planning quality from his wonderful mother :) But I have ruined him....he now has to schedule me in!!!! UH!!!!!!

Monday I was getting him ready for school. We were running late cause we all slept in :) I was telling him over and over again...come on Jacks, HURRY up!!! Hurry!!!! He said "Mom, don't panic...I will be ready!" Its the way he says these things...its SO funny. Jason and I just look at each other and try to hold in the laughter!

We love love love this little boy! He is the apple of our eye and he keeps us rolling at all times!

Sweet Love

2009-03-31T09:07:00.003-04:00

Oh Precious Child,
My heart is longing to see your face. I cant even begin to explain how this journey has changed me, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But my heart is at the point where it needs a miracle! I am praying today that your precious birth mom would go to New Life, meet with the sweet ladies there, and if adoption is her option...that she would see our profile and desire to place you in our home. Oh sweet child, we are ready for you.

I cant believe we have been waiting this long to see your face...you must be a blessing, a blessing I could have never imagined. I'm ready to see your toes and fingers. I'm ready to see your precious eyes and little nose. I'm ready to show you off to all the wonderful people who have been praying diligently for you...for so long! There is a saying...It takes a village to raise a child...well God has blessed us with the most amazing "village." They are all so ready to love on you and show you that you BELONG here!!! I cant wait to see their faces when they see the child they have been praying for...what a glorious day that will be.

I feel like I have prayed EVERY prayers imaginable for you...health, quick bonding, your birth mom and all the emotions she will feel, that you will feel loved, for Jackson to be an amazing big brother....oh how the list goes on and on!

Here lately...our prayer has been...bring our child home quickly, Lord. We want you to become a Gerdes and know the power of Christ's Love! Adoption SAVED the World....its the most powerful act of Love that any man has ever shown. We feel such an honor and privilege to make you our own through adoption. You are OUR child, you will be loved as if I gave birth to you. You don't EVER have to wonder if we are passionate about you...we are! You don't ever have to wonder if we will provide for you...we will! You don't ever have to wonder if we love you...we do! FOREVER!!!!

You were created with a purpose! And you were created for our family. What an amazing gift!

We will always be thankful for your precious birth mom...she chose life! We will love her and pray for her daily. She is a gift to our family. My prayer is that we will have an amazing relationship with her.

Sweet love, we are ready to see you! Please come home soon! My heart is heavy today...I'm ready to meet you! You are loved so much by your forever family!

Mommy

A Cat on the Prowl....

2009-03-10T00:59:00.002-04:00

...yep thats what I feel like! I feel like a momma cat....just waiting to give birth. We had a cat growing up, her name was Callie. Sweet cat...but she got pregnant ALL THE TIME!!!! As soon as she would pop out one litter she was already prego with another one. A Skanky cat :)

Okay so I am not calling myself a skanky cat....but Callie would roam around the house the week prior to her giving birth...and she just couldn't get settled. She would lay down for a bit and then walk around, scratch stuff, bathe herself...she just COULDN'T BE STILL. And btw that cat ALWAYS had her kittens in MY CLOSET.

***I promise this post has a point!

I can NOT get settled! The moment I lay down I think of one more thing to add to my "before we get the call" list. I'm telling you...I think I might be going looney!!!!

And its the little things...that don't really matter that have me all in a tizzy! I'm driving myself crazy...and my poor hubby!

Tonight I had a freak out because our shrubs in front of our house are TOO tall...who cares...well obviously I did...UH!!!!

I know life doesn't STOP once we get a baby...but I want to have things all in order (as much as I can).

I'm just saying...if your husband isn't busy this weekend...well send him over to my house to help my husband with the honey do list. This list is getting longer and longer...cause I am a CAT ON THE PROWL!!!

***Maybe this post doesnt have a point!!! But I just had to get it off my chest!!!!

Found

2009-03-05T19:10:00.002-05:00

FOUND by Hillsong

Verse 1:Amazing love,
now what else shall I need
Your name brings life,
it's more than the air I breathe

Verse 2:My world has changed,
when Your life You gave for me
My purpose found
and all that You want for me

PreChorus 1:And I've found myself in You, Lord
And I've found myself in You

PreChorus 2:And I've found myself in You, Jesus
And I've found myself in You, Lord

Chorus:
So take me to a place
where I can see You face to face
and all I wanna do, all I wanna do
is worship You
So take me to a place
where I can see You face to face
and all I wanna do, all I wanna do
is worship You

****Lord help me to remember that I am only to be found in you! Not found in fear or worry, not found in my own agenda, not found in my selfish desires! But only found IN YOU. I am searching and waiting for you...not simply for what you can give me. I dont want to miss what you are trying to teach me during this journey. I want to grasp every detail of your plan for my life and I want to learn to live only found in you! I love you Jesus! I want to see your face...take me to a place to WORSHIP YOU...I want to be found in you!

Save the Humans...save our Child

2009-03-03T09:44:00.003-05:00

Our pastor started a new series called Save the Humans...powerful message!!!

I sat there in a complete hormonal mess as he talked about how during childbirth if the Hebrew woman was giving birth to a boy then the midwives were to kill the child.

15 The king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, whose names were Shiphrah and Puah, 16 "When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth and observe them on the delivery stool, if it is a boy, kill him; but if it is a girl, let her live." 17 The midwives, however, feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt had told them to do. Ex 1:15-17

I wanted to stand up and say....that's the way I feel about our child!!! His life MUST be spared...his life MUST count for something!

My heart is so burdened for the salvation of our child. The salvation from beginning to end...first off be saved from death...our child could easily have been aborted but obviously our birthmom is choosing life.

And then God saving this child and placing him/her in our home. Please hear me on this...I still love our birthmom...but again...she realizes that its in the best interest of this baby for her to choose adoption!

And then the salvation of his heart. I cant wait until the day that this precious child accepts Jesus as his/her Lord and Savior.

I want our child to be rescued SOON!!! I want him/her home with us!

I want to love on our birthmom...I'm telling you...the love I have for her is absolutely the most amazing thing. I never thought I would be so passionate about a woman giving birth...but she is giving birth to our child. Forever I will be grateful. We HAVE to change our minds on birthmoms...they are WOMEN who need a SAVIOR and need us as adoptive mothers to love on them. Now I know not every situation is the same...sometimes the birthmom/family doesn't want to have anything do with the adoptive family...this is where we PRAY like never before. Don't we want our child's heritage to be healthy and Christ centered! These birthmoms are precious....I'm telling you...I cant wait to meet her!

Save the Humans...save our Child. Please join with me in prayer today! I am crying out to our Father that he will bring a birthmom to NEW LIFE (our agency), that she will look at our profile and SOMETHING will capture her heart about our family. The enemy is alive and he wants NOTHING more for this child to NOT come into this world. No body messes with a Gerdes Baby!!!!! This child has been CHOSEN...chosen to be apart of this world, chosen to serve and love!!! Please pray today for a miracle to take place.

Awe Struck Wonder

2009-02-25T10:21:00.002-05:00

I am filled with Awe Struck Wonder at the Mention of Your Name! I love you Jesus! I love that you have CALLED me to this place. I am more in love with you TODAY then when I started this journey!

(part of Revelation Song, by Gateway Worship)
Holy, Holy, Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come, yeah
With all creation I sing:
Praise to the King of Kings!
You are my everything,
And – I - will - adore You! Yeah!
Filled with wonder,
Awestruck wonder
At the mention of Your Name
Jesus, Your Name is Power
Breath, and Living Water
Such a marvelous mysteryYeah...

I need HELP nesting!!!

2009-02-16T09:14:00.005-05:00

If my husband reads this post...which I know he will...but he never leaves a comment (babe leave a comment)...he will wonder WHY the title is I NEED HELP NESTING. He will laugh out loud when he sees that...cause he will think to himself...she doesn't need ANY help nesting cause she is DRIVING ME CRAZY nesting.

But I need your help...all TWO of my blog readers :) Molly, you have already helped so much...but give me some more tips if you have them.

I want to be PROACTIVE during this waiting time, I don't have control of my due date but I can DO alot until my DATE arrives. With Jackson...well I was HUGE and in pain so I didn't do much nesting...but with this baby...well I might turn into a Mommy Bird I am nesting SO MUCH :)

So for those of you out there reading this...what should I be doing right now. One question I have is for decorating the nursery...right now its decorated in neutral colors, thank you Karen for letting me borrow all your bedding. Cause if its a boy I want to use all of Jackson's stuff...thank you Nanny. And if its a girl well hello...PINK! So I guess its not really a question but what happens if we get a call and ITS a girl and the birthmom just had the baby...okay well...I WILL HAVE TO HAVE MY FRIENDS come over RIGHT AWAY and decorate the nursery. ( I know this isn't a HUGE deal but it is something I think about so cut me some slack. I know to the "normal/ non adopting/ non pregnant woman" that these thoughts that I am having will seem ludicrous on EVERY level....sorry Charlie!)

****Okay so I am finishing this post on Monday Night...started it on Monday Morning.
I went to Target and bought diapers...I felt so mommy like buying diapers! Its been 2 1/2 years since I bought diapers...and 5 years since I bought NEWBORN diapers. I've decided that every time I go to the grocery store I am going to by diapers.

Alright...give me some more pointers...what else should I be doing??

Oh yeah, I cleaned the pantry last Thursday...and I want to clean the base boards asap! I also am in the process of shampooing our carpets and our living room furniture. Whew!

All I want...

2009-02-14T23:39:00.003-05:00

...Is for my cell phone to ring and to hear Sara or Cindy say..."Lindsey, y'all have been chosen by a birthmom."

I mean really...that doesn't seem so hard, RIGHT. Well for the last year I have wanted that EVERYDAY. And yet...it hasn't happen.

For those of you who have WAITED for your sweet baby...some days are wonderful and you totally "get" the wait...and some days you want to throw something. Its weird...One day I am fine, the next day I want to cry, then the next day I am totally fine, then the next day I want to THROW something.

And it seems right now EVERYONE is pregnant...well I am too but I just don't have a DUE DATE!!! And I don't have morning sickness....so HA!!! Just joking...I do have heart sickness! Everyday I long to hold that sweet baby...I mean my heart aches for that precious child. So I am learning everyday I ache to LEAN on HIM...believe me I am LEARNING and LEANING!!!

Today, Valentine's Day, well the best gift ever could have been a sweet little baby in my arms...instead...I nested like crazy! It was fun! Jackson and Jason are getting a little tired of my projects...but like I said...we don't have a due date, so I gotta be ready EVERYDAY!!!!

I still need to get the baby stuff down out of the attic...stroller, pack-n-play, car seat, swing, bouncer....I need to wash it all and have it READY for the day we get the CALL.

Tonight we went to our neighbors house for a Couples Valentine Party...they said I MUST put a sign out in the front yard once we get the CALL...UH YEAH...Heck yes I will! Every one will know!!!

All I want...is to have this adoption have some light shine on it! I am ready!!!

Today is different

2009-02-09T22:30:00.002-05:00

Well I just told Jason...UH I don't think I can do this anymore. He said "Linds I thought you said God was teaching you so much." Well HE is...but I am tired today and very hormonal...and I want some light to shine on our journey!

And now I am going to take a hot bath and try to relax and LEAN on my Creator. Cause I probably wont take many hot baths once baby arrives...so for now I will focus on the PROS of not having an infant...BTW...there aren't many...cause I don't care if my life gets interrupted by this bundle of love!

***I do realize this post is random...sorry!

Toy vs Treasure

2009-02-04T11:19:00.005-05:00

"Mom can I have a toy at Target."

"No, Jackson, you may not."

"Uh Mom, please can I have a toy at Target."

"Jackson, you just had your birthday party...you got plenty of toys...you aren't going to get a toy at Target."

"Mom...I really want a toy at Target...(begins throwing massive fit)"

"Jackson, I am not going to tell you again...you WILL NOT get a toy at Target. If you ask me again your DS will be taken away. My answer is no."

This is a common occurrence in my life, especially on the days we go to Target.

Our student ministry staff, leaders and students are reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Amazing book...the first chapter is on Prayer...and grasping the fact that we get to go before the MOST HIGH GOD for a conversation which is called prayer!

Yesterday, our element staff sat down to write questions for our small groups on Sunday. Something hit me like a TON OF BRICKS...oh how my prayer life MUST change.

I want to talk specifically about adoption and how I pray when it comes to this issue. God must be SO annoyed with me...cause I am like my 5 year old...begging for a toy at Target.

First thing out of my mouth when I go to him in prayer is "Lord, can you please bring our baby home to us...Please...Please...Please." Oh my word...I am annoyed at myself just typing that. It makes my skin crawl when Jackson wont let up about the toy from Target. He acts like if he doesn't get it his life will be OVER!!!! And then the word please...that child can say that word faster and more times then I could ever imagine...I almost hate that word.

But holy cow, that's the way I am with God. As I write this my heart is so broken...I have been going to my FATHER for over a year now...just BEGGING for him to bring us a birthmom and a baby...all the while forgetting to go to him with complete and total adoration and praise. I have the privilege to be in the presence of my creator and yet all I do is ask him to create MORE things. WHY??? Why have I been a believer for so long and I am just now getting this concept. I think one of the reasons is I have NEVER wanted something so badly, adoption has brought me to a place in my walk with the Lord that I NEVER thought possible.

I cant even imagine what my response would be like to Jackson if he said...
"Mom could I have a toy today when we go to Target."

"No, Jackson you may not have a toy today."

"Okay Mom, I know you have a reason for not getting me a toy today. I trust that you know better than I do. I love you so much and I am so thankful that I get to call you Mommy. You have provided for me, cared for me, loved me...I am so thankful that I get to hang out with you and see your face. I don't need a toy today. The day you choose to bless me with a toy will be a great day but...you are more then enough for me!"

I would pass out if he said this to me! My first reaction is that I want to bless my child for understanding that my LOVE for him is MORE then enough...my LOVE for him is better then any material item I could give him.

Oh my gosh...praise the Lord...that is the way he feels about us. He is MORE than enough...yes when he chooses to give us blessings, we can be thankful, shout for joy, do our crazy I love Jesus dance...but HE is our blessing and HE is more than enough. God is calling me to realize that. He can't bless me when I come to him with my annoying...PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...throwing a fit type of prayer. I need to be in massive TIME out for my attitude towards praying to my Father...how disrespectful I have been.

***Lord, when I come before you, I pray I will be amazed by JUST YOU. Not what you can give me but WHO YOU ARE. I know you want to bless us but I know before any blessings I receive I must always realize that YOU ARE my blessing! I love you my precious Father...I am awe struck by your simplicity and your complexity. You are my Treasure and I want to be FACE TO FACE with you!

I quit...just for 5 minutes

2009-01-28T09:34:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was driving around town...killing time before I picked our puppy up from the Pooch-Pad...love that place :)

I had a brief 5 minutes where I just QUIT...quit the whole waiting time...quit praying...quit being patient...quit waiting...QUIT!!! If Jackson hadn't of been in the car I might have yelled out..."I QUIT...and I MEAN IT...I QUIT." But since I already freak my child out by my randomness I thought I would keep my thoughts and QUITTING to myself.

It was if the moment I QUIT...Jesus said...well I don't so it looks like you're in luck! He covered me in HIS promises of how HE NEVER QUITS...Love that guy :)

I think its okay to want to quit sometimes because it reminds us of how much we need Jesus...NEED HIM to keep us going. And then sometimes I think he is begging us to QUIT so he can finally take over!

I must confess...I am a CONTROL FREAK...I think he is telling me QUIT controlling but KEEP following and trusting!

So today I am going to FOLLOW...even if I feel like quitting!

Refine Me as I Pursue You...

2009-01-23T09:28:00.002-05:00

This is my prayer! That the Lord of all creation would REFINE me as I PURSUE Him. I don't want to be the same as when we started this journey. I want my life, my purpose, my desires, my values...to be more clear and completely connected with Jesus. I want him to mold me into the woman that he has created me to be. I want to love deeper and live more passionately.

Adoption does crazy things to your soul. I didn't think it would break and tear down as much as it has. Some of things I have had to say YES to or NO to...have been painful...but I am simply trusting that God has HIS best interest in mind.

REFINE ME AS I PURSUE YOU!!!!

I love you Jesus!

Tired!

2009-01-11T22:13:00.002-05:00

I am tired! Tired of the wait! Tired of not knowing if we will have a little girl or boy...Im NESTING and I NEED TO DECORATE...but I gotta wait...and I am tired!

Sorry I just gotta be honest! Its so hard waiting...I mean I see that precious baby in my thoughts and I am so ready for it to be a reality! I want to touch those cute cheeks and kiss those sweet toes! Im never gonna stop kissing this child...even when they are 30 I might still be kissing toes (I will be a weird mom)!!!

The nesting has taken over my family and I think my sweet hubby is getting tired of me nesting! He has moved EVERY piece of furniture this week...I gotta get the house READY!!!! He is such a trooper.

Life is so good the way it is right now...but we all feel like something is MISSING!!! We are tired...we are ready!!!!

Lord your timing is perfect! Even though I am TIRED I know you will continue to give me the strength to WAIT on you...Im waiting...come to our rescue!

Full Circle Moment

2009-01-06T01:17:00.003-05:00

This morning I got up and was determined I would NOT leave my house until I had read my bible and studied God's Word. So I sat down and read through my scriptures for the day and also my devotional...this might seem as if its a chore for me to read my bible...its not a chore...but I have to be really intentional about it or it wont happen.

Gods word spoke so clearly and sweetly to my soul...all day my heart has been overwhelmed with his timing of scripture. The scripture was James 1:1-27 (go check it out) .

There were two parts that jumped right off the pages...the first was James 1:17 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father." And the second was James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

I just love both of these verses and both have been a cornerstone to me getting through this adoption. I praised the Lord for his perfect timing of reminding me of what HIS word PROMISES.

So tonight I was cleaning out Jackson's school folder and I got his "Class Gram" letting me know what he would be learning this week at school. And HOLY COW...his memory verse is James 1:17...YES LORD...EVERY GOOD AND PERFECT GIFT DOES COME FROM YOU!!!!!

So I freaked out...told Jason all about the scriptures from earlier in the day...cried and used a kitchen towel to wipe my eyes...and snot...and just REJOICED that God loves me so much! He is using my child's school to confirm what I am studying at home and I praise HIM FOR THAT!

I want Jackson to know that he is a gift from the Lord and that baby Natalie or Nathan will be a gift from the Lord. I am so thrilled to have our family grow through adoption. I love my babies and I am so ready to see their sweet face...I will be taking sign ups for everyone in America to come by and get a glance.

Praise you Lord for your WORD...it DOES NOT return VOID...but only FILLS our SOUL to WORSHIP YOU...Oh how I love you...Christ in me, Christ in me, the HOPE of Glory...you are my EVERYTHING!!!!

Oh YES I will park here!!!!!

2008-12-26T23:07:00.003-05:00

Last week Jason and I were out doing some Christmas shopping. We had to go to Toys R Us and of course it was a mad house. All the parking spots were full EXCEPT for the two parking spots up front that say "STORK PARKING/ EXPECTANT MOTHERS." I told Jason to park there and he said, "Linds, you aren't expecting...that would be wrong." OH BULL...I am too expecting...I have been expecting for THREE very LONG years...but officially PREGNANT for OVER A YEAR...HECK YES I AM EXPECTING!!!! Since he was driving and he is the boss of our family (I wish I would have been driving) we did NOT park in the "Expectant Mothers" parking spot.

And my heart ached SO BAD...I am expecting...no I am not physically growing a human in my tummy but I have been developing a love for a child for so long that there are days I FEEL PHYSICALLY PREGNANT...and I think I should be able to park in the "EM" parking SPOT...and I WILL when I go back in a couple of weeks to order our NEW baby bed. I will park there and I will park there WITH NO shame. And if you don't think its "right" for me to park there, well then don't leave a comment on my blog! Cause I WILL park there...and I WILL TAKE A PICTURE!!!! I AM EXPECTING...I am expecting God to DELIVER (haha...totally intended that pun) what HE has promised...and HE asked us to adopt...OH YES...I AM EXPECTING!!!!!

(You must read the last paragraph of this post with some humor...and HORMONES!!!!)

From an EXPECTING MOMMY :)

Love you all!

No Card!!!

2008-12-26T22:57:00.004-05:00

Last Christmas I remember being so excited about THIS CHRISTMAS. I just knew we would already have our baby home with us. So, although I have enjoyed this Christmas with my family...I have to tell you there has been a bitter sweet feeling this season. I wanted to celebrate Nat(i)e's first Christmas this year...I wanted to have a sweet bundle of JOY wrapped in my arms but unfortunately that hasn't happened. YET!!!!

Last year...well I didn't do a Christmas card because I was so excited to send out birth announcements and I am cheap so I didn't want to spend the money on postage for Christmas cards AND Birth Announcements...well I did the same this year! Friends are probably wondering...but I AM SAVING MY POSTAGE FOR BIRTH ANNOUNCEMENTS! So weird...but I just can't put "The Gerdes Family" on the Christmas Card...we are missing someone for the picture. I cant wait for that day...can you even imagine that sweet little coco love bug next to the sweet little vanilla 4 year old we already have. What an adorable picture that will be!!!

All I wanted for Christmas was a healthy baby...maybe my Christmas will come later!!!

One Year Ago today....

2008-12-04T10:05:00.002-05:00

....We drove to Houston to meet with our adoption agency, for the first time. Jason and I pulled up to NEW LIFE and I felt like I was going to throw up...I was so nervous. Jason and I sat in the parking lot and he prayed over this journey that we were beginning.

Our meeting went wonderfully...Jason and I had so many light bulb moments sitting in Cindy's office. We were there for several hours and when we left we felt more educated in the area of adoption and we knew we were making the right decision by using New Life.

I remember leaving the agency and crying, my heart already yearning to receive a child. Little did I know...I wasn't ready to receive a child then. God has had to do a lot of breaking and molding on my heart, that's why the "wait" is such a learning experience. But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

After our meeting with the agency we began ALL of our paper work...I worked so hard to get all of it done REALLY FAST.

And well....we are done with everything we need to be done with...and we are just waiting on the call. A call that will forever change our lives. A call that will tell us we have been chosen.

So, today marks ONE YEAR.

Random Thoughts...

2008-12-03T00:50:00.004-05:00

I don't know why we haven't been chosen....I mean I do know why...it hasn't been God's timing but oh my goodness....COME ON!!!!!

I am on a roller coaster ride...it was SO fun at the beginning but I am getting a little sick to my stomach now. Don't get me wrong, I am still learning every day, still trusting everyday....but I am ready to get off the roller coaster ride and then look back and go...WOW that was FUN...and I want to do it again.

Jackson and I went to Target tonight and he totally cracked me up about how he thought all the baby stuff was "SO CUTE." He wants his baby brother or sister...or both....to be the best dressed child EVER. He told me last night, "Mom, I am really ready to be a big brother." And he is thrilled.

Jason is ready to be a daddy...again. I know that when he sees our precious treasure he will be filled with so many emotions. I can't wait for him to hold our gift in his arms, that will be one of the most wonderful moments for me. I love the way he looks when he is holding a baby...something totally dreamy about him.

I am getting ready to be a mommy again...the emotions I have are so deep and so strong, I sometimes want to break out in a song and do a little jig. I can't even believe that God loves me so much that he is going to give us another child. Children really are a reward!!!

My family is ready for this precious baby. Mom and I almost couldn't help ourselves the day after Thanksgiving...we wanted to shop for a baby so bad. I showed her outfits that she HAD to get once we find out if we are getting a boy or girl...they were MUST HAVES...I'm serious!

My friends...oh how precious they are. They have literally GOTTEN ON THE ROLLER COASTER with me!!! I am forever thankful for how they have been devoted to pray for our family, our baby, and our birthmom.

My heart aches daily for our birthmom, we don't know her yet, but I can't wait to talk to her. My dear, sweet, precious, really hottt, best friend....told me tonight..."Linds I wish you could do a phone interview with the birthmom's that are looking at your profile." I know why she said that....when I start talking about our birthmom, my heart is OVERFLOWING with JOY. I CAN NOT WAIT TO MEET THIS WOMAN...I can not wait to see her face, touch her skin, love on her, pray over her, touch her belly (okay so maybe not all of these things will happen...she is going to think I am crazy). I just simply cant wait to express LOVE and GRATITUDE to her. She is BRAVE, COURAGEOUS, SPECIAL, and if she chooses...she will ALWAYS be a part of our family.

This morning I felt the Lord telling me..."Linds, your family's time is coming." I hope I heard that right and that it wasn't my imagination.

Oh my heart is leaping with pure excitement...I cant wait to change diapers, get up in the middle of the night to do feedings (uh...Jason...help), I cant wait to hear that precious cry, I cant wait to have a baby in the house again....oh help me Jesus. I am going to remind myself of this post....at 3:30am when sweet baby ISN'T SLEEPING.

Lord, you hear me...you know my hearts desire. You know that I wanted to adopt from early on in my life and its been a journey to get me HERE...and I love you MORE today than I ever thought possible. Bring our child home, please. I pray for your protection over the baby, the health of the baby and the health of the birthmom. I give you all the glory!!! Thank you for adoption. Thank you for adopting me, thank you for making me your own, thank you for letting me be your chosen treasure. I owe my life to you!

Not my Plan! But Yours!!

2008-11-18T23:26:00.002-05:00

Have you ever planned your whole day...just the way you like it...then out of right field something happens and ALL YOUR plans are thrown by the waste side.

I'm totally there right now. I had it all figured out in my HEAD how our whole entire adoption journey was going to be played out. But God is doing something new and fresh in me...I'm scared to death but I love that HE KNOWS what I can handle.

November is Adoption Awareness Month. I have been challenged this month in my thinking about adoption...James 1:27 is SO clear...look after orphans and widows in their DISTRESS. It doesn't say...look after orphans and widows who are perfect, have it all together, healthy, look like you, smell like you, act like you, same color as you...NO...it says in their DISTRESS care for them. Haven't we all been in distress at some point...and haven't we all desired to be cared for.

I am challenging myself and my heart (and brain) to be more concerned with the orphans and widows than "what I want my family to look like." What will you do...will you care for orphans and widows? What if they are in distress?? Will you still care??

***Obviously I want our child to be healthy...I'm not saying I am not going to continue to pray for our baby to be a healthy child...I just want us to think about the DISTRESS part of that verse.

Feeling Better

2008-10-27T18:23:00.002-04:00

Hey Blogging World!! Well I am finally feeling better. After all the test were done...I don't have anything life threatening...just cluster headaches. God is SO good!!!! Stress might be what causes Cluster Headaches...so I am going to learn to CHILL OUT. I know my family and friends will appreciate that. I still want to post about something God taught me while lying on my back, unable to do anything! But...I will have to do it later.

Please pray that the cluster headaches DON'T come back....they can be reoccurring. Also, please keep praying for the strength to continue on this adoption journey. It is emotionally draining...I need an extra dose of Gods grace, mercy, and strength!

Clusters of Babies...not aches!!!

2008-10-17T13:56:00.004-04:00

This week has NOT been fun!!! I know this blog is about our adoption but our family is needing prayer right now.

Last Thursday I began having really bad headaches that continued until Monday morning and I couldn't take it anymore so Jason took me to the doctor. The doctor diagnosed me with Cluster Headaches. Its a severe debilitating headache behind my eye and temple and the pain shoots down into my neck and shoulder. They did blood work on Tuesday and an MRI on Wednesday. We have been trying to find something that would relieve the pressure and pain and I think, after 4 different meds, that we have finally found something...but its been a whole week with severe blinding pain. We hope to get the results back from the blood work and MRI on Monday. These cluster headaches are worse then anything I have ever experienced. Please be praying that we get good results on Monday, that the meds will continue to work, and that my blurry vision in my right eye would clear up! My mom flew here and is helping Jason with Jackson, please pray for Jason as he is doing all of the jobs I normally do along with everything else he has on his plate.

Also, please continue to pray for the adoption. God is so amazing at his timing and we are trusting in HIS amazing truths! God's been teaching me this last week, while I have been laying on my back, about how faithful he is! I want to share some of those things but that will have to be another post!!!

By the way...the best thing that happened this week is that my blog got a NEW LOOK!!! I love it!

Love you all

He is DOING HIS THANG

2008-10-15T00:02:00.003-04:00

Just Pray everyone!!! PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!! God is stiring it up and making something happen! Im trusting in that and I need the body of believers to TRUST it to....I love my creator! More today than yesterday!

Linds

Boy or Girl

2008-10-06T23:21:00.004-04:00

WHO CARES???
(I took this picture the other day in Kohl's...baby fever!)

When we first started our adoption journey we wanted a little boy and we were going to name him Nathan. But we quickly realized with our agency that we couldn't pick the gender of our child, we couldn't specify a boy or a girl. At first I was so upset and confused because I really thought we were being called to bring another little boy into our family through adoption. I remember sitting at my kitchen table, reading a letter from New Life, informing me that we couldn't pick the gender of our child. Floods of emotions ran over me.

"Okay God, I thought you wanted us to adopt a boy...and I know you want us to use New Life...so WHATS UP." I threw myself a quick pitty party and then just sat there with my head on the table...what was the Lord up to??

Here is where the lesson has been learned. God KNEW that Jackson Gray Gerdes was going to be born to US...Jason and Lindsey. He knew that before Jason and I even conceived that little bundle of joy. We didn't care if we had a boy or girl, we just wanted a HEALTHY, sleep through night, loves people, full of joy, world changer BABY!!! And praise you LORD...even though he is only 4, he changes my world every day and brings JOY to people. God knew.

So with our adoption underway I am trusting, knowing that God still KNOWS!!! Its weird going to Target or cute baby boutiques and really wanting to buy baby stuff and not knowing if I should buy girl or boy clothes. I bet God gets a kick out of me in those stores...."Linds, I know what you will hold." Makes me want to shout for JOY (side note: God if you could just give us a glimpse of what is ours or should I say YOURS).

There aren't any FOR sures when having children biologically or adopting. I couldn't PICK what gender I was going to have...God chose Jackson to be in our family. Just as he has chosen our next baby. Jackson FITS us in every way. I know Nathan and Natalie will FIT as well.

Lord, I Love you! I praise you for adoption. Its such a glorious mystery yet you have it planned out...detail by detail! I am sure you have color coded the WHOLE thing (for those of you who don't know I am an organizational freak). Thank you for being my adoption planner, thank you that I really don't have to wonder...you have it all under control. You know if we will have a NATHAN or a NATALIE...or BOTH (I mean really at this point...go ahead...give us 2). I LOVE YOU! I mean I really love you! Thank you Jesus! Oh yeah by the way...if you give us 2 will you give us a Nanny as well :)

Timeline

2008-10-05T22:39:00.012-04:00

I was thinking the other day about the timeline of our adoption...I am going to attempt to put it on paper (or blog I guess). Jason and I knew we wanted to adopt even before we were married. Basically he told me I would need to be willing to live in a hut in Africa and I told him he needed to be willing to adopt...we agreed!

August 2005: We weren't sure if we were going to do international or domestic. International adoption has always been what I thought we would do. But then one day I came home from a meeting and Jason was sitting at the computer, he had been researching adoption, he said "What do you think about adopting from America and adopting either a bi-racial or African American child." I thought about if for a brief moment and said "YES." We started researching adoption agencies at that moment! Through research we did research international adoption...we still feel called to adopt internationally at some point but know for right now we need to focus on domestic adoption.

Okay so this is where is gets blurry,

from August 2005-August 2007: We were with two different agencies and things just didn't feel right. I cant really explain the the uneasiness but we both knew God had something else.

Finally in September 2007: God opened our eyes to NEW LIFE ADOPTION AGENCY!!!! It was amazing how it happened. We were telling our Pastor that we were really having a hard time find an adoption agency that we felt secure with and passionate about. He told us about New Life, he actually grew up at the church that started New Life. So we gave them a call and they sent us a packet.

October 26th and 27th, 2007: Our wonderful friends put on a Adoption Garage Sale...and we raised $2,700, I was so amazed!

November 29th, 2007: Had our first meeting with New Life. It was amazing! We fell in love with Cindy and she gave us so much encouragement! AND SO MUCH PAPER WORK!!!

January 2008: We went back to New Life for another meeting. This time we met with Sara Black, the director of New Life. This meeting was mainly for Sara to ask us EVERY question you could possibly think of. The women of New Life really get to know the adoptive family, we love this about them.

February 13th, 2008: We completed our Home Study. Sara drove to Corpus and spent some time with Jackson and also spent time looking around our home. I was so nervous...I mean I was freaking out on the inside. But it went great! Our family LOVES Sara and Cindy! These women have really been amazing...its worth using New Life just to get to know them. They are incredible women who love Jesus, love birth moms, love babies, and love adoptive families...and they both have adopted so THEY GET IT!!!!

From January 20078- March 2008: We were doing LOTS of paper work, having our house inspected, reading lots of books and doing reports, getting check ups from our doctor, TB test, working on our profile, and working on picture pages of ourselves for our birth mom to look at. And PRAYING!!!! (still doing that)

May 3rd, 2008: Adoption Training at New Life

August 21st, 2008: We had another visit by Sara Black. Every 6 months until the adoption in finalized our agency comes for a visit!

September 2008 and October 2008: Waiting!!!! But God is at work and he is bringing people into my "world" with a passion for adoption. The people I am getting to connect with are amazing and its really helping during this time of waiting!!!

*I am going to look through my calendar and make sure I didn't forget anything!!!

Been too long

2008-10-02T16:19:00.003-04:00

Well its been a while since I have blogged about our adoption. Mainly because I haven't had anything NEW to blog about! Still same old same old. Still NO news! Still NO baby!

Okay so I emailed our adoption agency last week and said "UH why isn't this happening faster." Our wonderful adoption director, Cindy, asked if she could give my email address to another family that has recently adopted from New Life...so the wife could encourage me. Obviously I said YES.

I received an email from Heather, the encourager, just several days later. It was so nice to have someone "get" my feelings and not think I am totally crazy. Adoption is hard and it hurts! Its like nothing I have ever experienced. In our case its been SLOW.

But something I have been reminded of over the last several days....from Jason, Heather, and my wonderful BIBLE (oh yes this is the book for me) is that God IS working! We don't always see it but he IS working! I can rest in HIM knowing that he has EVERYTHING under his wings! I CAN have faith in the unseen and I don't have to fear the unknown.

I wonder what he is getting us prepared for? I wonder what its going to be like that precious day we hold our CHOSEN treasure.

God is working in me. God is working in Jason. God is working in our marriage. God is working in our family. God is working in our ministry. God is working in US so he can do something through US. He is working...and I trust he is working on bringing our child or children home to us (SOON???).

Several scriptures that I read today were specifically written for me to read at this very moment in time:

Psalm 127:3 "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."

John 15:4-5 "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

I am going to REMAIN in HIM and know he will bear fruit in my life...I just have to REMAIN in him...the REWARD will come...I must REMAIN to RECEIVE my REWARD!!!

I praise you Jesus, I praise you that you desire for me to produce fruit. I will remain in you...all the reward I need is to know you love me but I know you have promised EVEN more! I wait upon the fruit, the reward! I give you glory in advance...for this fruit that you will produce...OH ITS YOURS!!! Thank you for being my resting place. Thank you for being SO ON TIME!!! Thank you for working even though I can't see! I trust you Jesus!

Pray!!!

2008-07-08T21:39:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone
I spoke to our wonderful adoption agency today...still the same news, but I am encouraged. I have a prayer request...Please be praying that birthmom's would find out about our agency and actually have the courage to go to them for help. I am trusting like never before, our birthmom is out there, she just needs to KNOW about NEW LIFE Adoption Agency. Obviously God is going to lead her there eventually...hopefully soon. So that's my prayer request for today.

Lord, please lead our birthmom to New Life. Where ever she might be RIGHT now I pray Lord that she would some how find out about New Life and CONTACT them right away. What a glorious day it will be when I meet her face to face. Lord, if she feels ashamed or guilty for what has happened...please Jesus give her peace and mercy and the courage to come in and get help. Lord she will never be too far gone...YOU WILL RESTORE!!! Praise you Lord that Nathan or Natalie are NOT a mistake...THEY ARE NOT A MISTAKE...they were planned from the moment you created the universe!

I love you Jesus...I'm not enjoying this waiting time but I am enjoying learning from you.

Linds

000000000

2008-06-30T23:55:00.002-04:00

00000000....these are the #'s I am really wanting to appear on my cell phone. You see when our agency calls us that's what shows up. Their # isn't published on the caller ID for security purposes.

I really want this # to appear and then to hear Sarah or Cindy say "Lindsey, yall have been chosen." I might pass out! I am not joking, hopefully I will be with Jason when it happens so he can catch me before I fall. Its like taking a pregnancy test and waiting to see if it gives the + sign...I jumped and acted like a crazy person...along with shaking and freaking out! I can't wait to have that feeling again.

Please Lord...let something amazing happen this week! Give us some flicker of light in this adoption tunnel we are in. Thank you Lord that you already have this ALL figured out.

Hardest Part

2008-06-23T23:25:00.002-04:00

Sitting in my office @ home wondering to myself...what is the hardest part of adoption??

Is it the constant waiting? The endless hours of paperwork? The comments from people who just have NO idea what adoption is about? Is it the pain I feel every time in my heart knowing that the child God created for me is NOT yet in my arms?

What is it? The Hardest Part??

Is it seeing children around town...my eyes have never been so drawn to bi-racial children. And for some reason I see their wonderful faces more and more with each passing day.

Each day we wait I love our baby more. Each day we wait...it gets harder. If I pause long enough during my day to think about it...well the water works begin to flow.

Is the hardest part knowing that my life, our life, will drastically change when our baby is given to us? Will the baby bond to us? Will Jackson freak out? Heck, will I freak out??

I think the hardest part is just not knowing...but PRAISE YOU LORD that you know EVERY detail.

God we are yours...we say YES...even to the HARDEST PART.

And we are STILL waiting!

2008-05-31T21:55:00.002-04:00

Hey Everyone,
Well! Guess what...we are STILL waiting. UHHHH!!! Its a little frustrating but I do know that my GOD is SO in control. If you all could please be praying for our baby to come home to us soon...we would really appreciate it. We are waiting on a birthmom to pick us and once that happens we will have a little more information on when we will have our precious child. BUT WHEW...we could totally use your prayers.

Love you all
Linds

Praying God's Word, Part 2

2008-05-05T23:22:00.000-04:00

4. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. Psalm 139:13

Lord, I know you are knitting Nat(i)e in their birth mother's womb. Thank you Lord for creating their inmost being. Keep Nat(i)e in your perfect hands...knit away God!!!

5. For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Thank you Lord for the peace in knowing that you already have Nat(i)e's life all planned out. You created plans to give him/her a hope and a future, Lord you WANT him/her to prosper and to not be harmed.

6. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. Psalm 31:8

Thank you Lord that this precious child is coming into this world with their feet set upon a spacious place. Even in the tough days to come we praise you that Nat(i)e's feet are upon a spacious, solid ROCK!!! This child wasn't handed over to the enemy but HELD by our Savior!!!

Praying God's Word

2008-05-05T18:54:00.000-04:00

My favorite Bible Study teacher, Beth Moore, taught me several years ago to "Pray God's Word." These are the scriptures we are praying over Nat(i)e. If you think of more please share them with me!

1.Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. Eph 1:4

Oh Lord, please reveal to Nat(i)e early on that you chose them, they are not a mistake but chosen by you to be Holy and without fault in your eyes. May they feel your LOVE...for you loved them even before you created the world.

2. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. Eph 1:5

Thank you Lord that you adopted Nat(i)e into your family, praise you Lord that you KNEW in advance. Thank you Lord that your adopted child brings you great pleasure.
Even though Nat(i)e will not be genetically mine, he/she will be genetically YOURS...and since I am genetically yours as well...I have the freedom to know that Nat(i)e and I are bonded genetically together through you.

3. We have received an inheritance from God, for he chose us in advance, and he makes everything work out according to his plan. Eph 1:11

Lord I can trust in you, knowing that Nat(i)e will receive an inheritance from you and that you will work everything out in Nat(i)e's life according to your plan. Thank you Father for choosing this child IN ADVANCE.

***got to post the rest later.

May 3rd, Seminar with Agency

2008-05-05T18:49:00.000-04:00

Today we went for an adoption training in Houston. This is a training that is mandatory with our agency. I am so glad that our agency believes in training and equipping us.

Every time we meet with our agency it makes us want Nathan or Natalie even more, the wait is really hard. Sometimes I find myself waking up several times in the night just longing to have our baby here with us. I KNOW its God's timing, but I still desire for it to be SOON!!! Every morning when I wake up I think, "today could be the day that our birthmom chooses us." What an awesome day that will be when we get that call.

I cant even explain the emotions that I have experienced on this journey. Some days I am fearful, some days I am overcome with joy, some days I feel so burdened for our birthmom, some days I have a huge sense of peace, some days I weep and then laugh, some days I wonder if we are doing the right thing, some days I wonder if our baby will love us and appreciate us...basically EVERY day I feel some emotion that either makes my heart ache or jump for joy. The main thing is that Jason and I are faithful to this calling of adoption. This is a ministry for us, yes this baby will be our family, but we are preparing for a spiritual battle...just like how we prepare for ministry. We know there will be challenges and rewards to this journey, Oh Lord go before us and hem us in.

My Prayers:
***For us to get chosen by a birthmom!!!
1. Healthy Baby
2.Strength for our birthmom, she is so courageous, I can't imagine the range of emotions she will be having! That she is making healthy, wise decisions. For her support system, please Lord put people around her that love her and can encourage her.
3. For the birthfather to relinquish rights and for him to not cause any drama!
4. For the relationship that we will have with the birthmom and birthfather! I know people don't understand open adoption, but wow its a beautiful thing if handled correctly! Thank goodness our agency is amazing at communicating to the birthfamily and the adoptive family. (sorry to those of you who feel uncomfortable with open adoption, but this is what we are choosing for our family.)
5.For attachment with our sweet baby. We will be doing different techniques to help this process along, but ultimately we just need Jesus to be our attachment expert and help this baby attach to his mommy and daddy. THIS IS HUGE!!!!
6.For Jackson and the baby to attach fast...I hope and pray that Jackson falls in love with our new baby and that he will blossom even more into the little man that God has created him to be.
7. The stigma of adoption, especially since our child will be a different color than us. But HELLO, its just a color...and our Creator created every color...so get over it!!! Not to sound harsh, I know this will be a hard reality for many...oh but what a privilege we have to love this baby, this baby was predestined FOR US (Eph 1). I want people to see our baby the way God sees our baby. A gift, a treasure, a glorious expression of God's love for us and for life, a miracle, NOT a mistake...but a child with a purpose. (Jason told me tonight at supper that he was going to jack anyone who thought otherwise...obviously he probably wont pounce on someone...but this our baby, our child, MY CHILD...I am protective of my babies.)
8.For our families...mom and dad...I know you are taking on my dreams when it comes to adoption. I know that Jason and I are called to do this, I know it doesn't always make sense...but thanks for being supportive. I know you didn't have to take this calling on as your own...just remember that this baby is just as much your grandchild as Jackson is. This baby was predestined to be loved by his gg and poppy and what an amazing set of grandparents he/she is getting.
9.Nate or Natie's purpose...OH LORD...We give you this gift right back, he/she is YOURS...use Nat(i)e for your glory, your honor, your desires. I pray that many people will be changed by the life they lead. I want nothing more than for Nat(i)e to follow you, seek you, serve you, desire you, long for you, worship you...I pray that we will see fruit Jesus!!!

Well I know there are many other aspects that we have to be praying for...JESUS COVER THIS SITUATION!!! I can't tell you how many times I lay this child at God's feet, only to pick them up the next day. I do the same with Jackson, I give him over everyday but then feel like I am more capable than my Heavenly Father...Thank you for my children, but I know they are yours. I pray you will look at me Lord, and say Well Done, MY GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT...and if that means me giving up all rights, and just seeking you daily...then I GIVE UP!!! This life is yours...mine, Jason's, Jacks, Nat(i)e...and any other life you choose to bless us with!

I love you Jesus!! I love that you have called us to this point, continue to comfort me and show me your truths.

I love you family...you have blessed us with your love and support...we need YOU!

Linds

A Post from September

2008-05-05T08:40:00.000-04:00

Saturday, September 15, 2007 (I posted this on my personal blog but wanted to post it on our adoption blog!)

Adoption
Happy Fall Y’allWe hope this fall season is going great for you and your family. Our family loves fall and all the change of colors it brings. As we start our journey this season we can’t wait to share something with you God has put deep within our hearts.

Over the last several years God has put a desire within our family to “add” to the Gerdes clan. Through prayer we realized this “addition” would not be a biological birth but a birth from the heart. YES…we are adopting and we are so thrilled we can barely contain ourselves!

We are so thankful for this opportunity and we can’t wait to see God bless this desire. We are asking our friends and family to come alongside us during this adoption journey and pray for the process and the child that God has hand-picked for us! I have chills just thinking that God already knows the exact child who will be placed with us! I love God’s creative conception…don’t you?

Here are some areas that we would love for you to pray over:

1. The financial side of the adoption. We are trusting God to provide in this area! ***God provided in this area before we even had our 2nd visit with the adoption agency!

2. We are hoping to adopt a bi-racial little boy or girl. Nathan (boy) or Natalie (girl)

3. For Nat(i)e's birth mother. That she would be taking care of herself during her pregnancy.

4. For Nat(i)e to be born healthy and continue to be healthy.

5. For the adoption process to go smoothly.

6. For our agency, New Life Adoption Agency. That they would place us with the child that God has designed for us.

7. For the transition once we bring Nat(i)e home.

8. For Jackson! To be the greatest big brother ever!

9. For Jason and I as we learn to parent two children and provide for them!

10. For Nat(i)e’s spiritual journey! That God would use him/her in an amazing way to reach the lost!

We count it a joy to have friends and family who are passionate about following Christ! We truly believe we are following after the purpose God has set forth for us. Please join with us as we travel on this adoption journey! There will be ups and downs, and we are trying to prepare ourselves, but I know that if you join us in prayer and petition this journey will be filled with miracles and joyful moments!

Thank You so much and we love you dearly!

Jason, Lindsey, and Jackson Gerdes

***Keep coming back to my blog for updates!

A Chosen Treasure

2008-05-05T08:34:00.000-04:00

We are adopting...this blog will be about our adoption journey.

Our journey began 2 1/2 years ago, God put a huge burden in our hearts and we went forward with this calling. We worked with two adoption agencies and through the process saw many red flags. Now we are working with the best agency ever, NEW LIFE ADOPTION AGENCY. They are passionate about adoption and we are so thankful for the love they have for our family.

The Blog is called "A Chosen Treasure" because God has chosen this child (Eph 1:4, 11)...and we know that he/she will be a treasure. Our baby's name will either be Nathan (boy) or Natalie (girl). I will refer to them as Nat(i)e...thanks for joining in on our journey of adoption!